[LargeFormat] The Medical Report.

[rstein]

Dear Schuyler,

     Mental images are very important to us - accurate ones help us to
define other's character, and inaccurate ones help them to define ours. I
aim to present myself in a manner that creates a warm fuzzy glow. Then
again, so does a Mk. 17 nuclear weapon, and the glow lasts longer.

     Let me give you more information to go on. Some of it will, of course
be accurate. Some of it will be distorted. Some of it will be whoppers. You
are free to use any of it in your mental construction of me, but remember
that the best constructions are made with Meccano sets. Or Erector sets, or
Dux sets - whatever is going in the shops at the time....

    I am , as Karl Wolz pointed out, old. Not so old that I feature on the
passenger list of the ark next to the two giraffes, but old enough to
remember when. In a few years I will get so old that I can't remember when,
or where, or why, which will be a blessing. Not that I plan to be much of a
blessing to my relatives. Note for the fussy: I am 54.

    As Karl pointed out you get to let your braces out a bit after 50. You
get to look at what you do and sort out in your mind what you like and what
you dislike. With a bit of luck and a small amount of capital you can
increase the former and decrease the latter. In my case I have fianlly been
able to edit out the things that are thrust on me by the world and
substitute the things I really enjoy. Rejected out of hand:

sports - I really don't care who wins the tennis, nor do I want to watch
them do it. Fine for those who enjoy, and I won't stand in their way.

movies - specifically teen movies. I saw Frankie Avalon and Annette
Funicello on the beach 40 years ago and it was enough. If I go and surrender
20 bucks now I want art and science.

murder - tired of it. Don't watch it on TV, don't read about it. Want
nothing to do with murderers anymore.

    On the bright side, I am free to take an increasing interest in belly
dancers, actresses, costume makers, brides and grooms, airplanes, model
ships, strategy games, books etc. I can play with some of these, take
pictures of others, and carry on a lively social life in all.

    Now you asked about mental stability, medications, and such. Fear not, I
am not driven by chemicals, if you except coffee, the occasional shot of
hard liquor, and the contents of the darkroom. My last pill was a Mylanta
tablet after an incautious Mexican dinner. As far as the contents of the
cerebellum, well....I have managed to stay married for the last 30 years and
raise a 24 year-old daughter who goes to university and is a delight, so the
mind may be a bit altered in there. I have been examined and judged a fit
citizen by the West Australian Police Force who issued me with a number of
permits for rifles, muskets, and revolvers. They did not issue me with
permits for mortars, cannons, crossbows, hand grenades, or swivel guns, but
then I never actually asked for any....

    Now I concentrate myself on the studio. As the rest of the photographic
world goes digital I am going to go the other way. I understand the optical
process - well, it's simple really - you put the light in the top of the
enlarger at the start of the evening and let it out in batches onto the
paper. You have to get the paper that has the pictures already on it from
the shop - no good getting just butcher's paper unless all you want is
pictures of chops. Then you develop it in developer and stop it in stopper
and fix it in fixer and bin it in the bin. Then you go to bed and wake up
the wife.

    The great thing about having the studio is I don't have to pick my toys
up before tea. I can leave the thing a mess and come back to it later.
Indeed you can tell a great session from the general detritus - if there is
underwear in the light fixtures art has been created. The models sometimes
moan a little at being locked away in the cupboard over dinner but I
remember to bring them a plate of chips.

     Now I hope we have settled a number of your questions. If you have any
more I shall be happy to invent answers. Should you want any information on
Mr. Clive or my nephew Philip please feel free to ask. I have their dossiers
open before me now.

     Uncle Dick