Foot Heads Arms Body
Sun Jul 4 00:54:46 2004

Fellow Ghettow Dwellerz:

Came across this wonderful selecta of odd and unintentionally funny
headlilnes while surfing for info on a British author who wrote a number
of books on same.

Two of these books were:




Anyone heerd of this author?

I seem to recall his name was 'Potter' but may be confusing him with the
guy who wrote the 'lifesmanship' books.

This all got aroused again when I came across the following little marvel,
from the Mainichi Daily News (Japan):

(Delightful Headline from ‘Mainichi Daily News’, Japan)
YOKOHAMA -- A jobless man who is suspected of using a dagger to
deliberately damage tires on up to 60 vehicles here has told investigators
that he was irritated by the massive number of cars passing his home,
police said Friday.
"The endless number of cars driving past my house was really getting to
me," Koichi Arashi, 37, a resident of Seya-ku, Yokohama, was quoted as
telling investigators. He is already under indictment over a separate
theft case.
In the specific case for which he was arrested recently, Arashi used a
dagger to rupture a tire on a car belonging to a 63-year-old construction
company owner in Seya-ku in the predawn hours of May 29, investigators
He admitted to involvement in 50 to 60 similar cases. Since last April,
police have received reports that tires on cars parked at homes and
parking lots in Seya-ku have been ruptured in some 170 cases. (Mainichi
Shimbun, Japan, July 2, 2004

The following are real strange headlines from various newspapers.
This document layout is copyright 1997-2003 Steven Ward (me).

I would like MORE. So if you have any just drop me a line to the address
On Thursday, September 07, 2000 this list exceeded 1000 headlines.

Unlike other headline lists on the web, this list is updated on a monthly
basis and where possible I have listed the paper where the headline

Last modified: Thursday, 13-Feb-2003 14:24:45 GMT

Please click on the letter below to view headlines beginning with it.
[ All items ] [ A ] [ B ] [ C ] [ D ] [ E ] [ F ] [ G ] [ H ] [ I ] [ J ]
[ K ] [ L ] [ M ] [ N ] [ O ] [ P ] [ Q ] [ R ] [ S ] [ T ] [ U ] [ V ] [
W ] [ X ] [ Y ] [ Z ]

   1. 1.6 Million Cherokees Are Recalled -- L.A Times
   2. $200 Fine Risk For Mobile Car Use -- Sunday Mail
   3. £3 To Drive Into City -- Evening Standard
   4. £20 To Fight Crime In England And Wales -- Local Government First
(LGA Newsletter}
   5. 02 Sisters Reunited After 18 Years In Checkout Counter
   6. 7 Reasons Why Teacher's Find Us Top Class -- T4Teachers advertisment
   7. 10 Revolting Officers Executed
   8. 12 On Their Way To Cruise Among Dead In Plane Crash
   9. 17 Aliens Held
  10. 18 Hurt In Cheese Roll
  11. 18,000 Women Recalled For New Tests - The Times
  12. 20-Year Friendship Ends At Altar
  13. 29 Hurt As Students Demand Right To Cheat
  14. 29 Nations Approve Bribery Ban
  15. 40 Men Escape Watery Graves When Vessel Flounders In Ale
  16. 4-H Girls Win Prizes for Fat Calves
  17. 500 Elves Loose
  18. 500-Year-Old Child Found -- The Australian.
  19. A Million ET's Get New Identity Deal
  20. Ability To Swim May Save Children From Drowning
  21. Abstention From Sex Does Not Make One Stupid - Nurse
  22. Accident Made Salesman "Too Nice" For Job - Daily Telegraph
  23. Accordionists Seek Some Respect -- AP headline
  24. This appeared on the same day as: Acupuncture May Up Chance of
Test-Tube Pregnancy -- Reuters headline
  25. ACT Women's Conference Pursues Broad Agenda -- Our Voice - PSU Group
  26. Admits Shooting Husband From Stand,During Trial
  27. Afrikaaners Find God In London - Sundy Independent (South Africa)
  28. After 100 Years, Coward Celebration -- AP headline
  29. Air Head Fired
  30. Airborne Deer Kills Man - New York Times
  31. Airline Travel Safer Despite More Accidents - Report -- Reuters
  32. Airport Plea For Visitors To Stay Away - Scotsman
  33. Aladdin's Cave Is Found In Pub
  34. Aladdin's Cave Wins Village Shop Award
  35. Alaska Warned: Don't Become Florida
  36. Alcohol Ads Promote Drinking -- The Hartford Courant, November 18
  37. Alien Gangs Prey On UK -- Daily Mirror
  38. Alien Hedgehogs Spread Terror In The Hebrides-- The Times
  39. Alien In Sydney Pines For Port -- Adelaide Advertiser.
  40. Alien Unit Probe May Lead To Further Action -- Johannesburg Star
  41. Aliens Are In Control Of Blair, Say Serb Psychics -- Independent On
  42. Aliens Blamed For Woes Of Society
  43. Aliens Crammed Into Toilet
  44. Aliens Eat Swamp
  45. Aliens Found At Pentagon -- Sutton On Sunday (Sutton Coldfield).
  46. Aliens On "Student" Visas Slip Under Net - Brisbane (Australia)
  47. Aliens On Jakarta Blacklist
  48. Aliens To Fill Future Jobs Need Say Experts -- Irish Independent
  49. All-Stars Turn On Sparse Crowd
  50. American Ships Head To Lybia
  51. Americans Driven To Suicide By Fear Of Death -- Daily Telegraph
  52. Amnesia Costs Accountant 11 Years
  53. Analysis: Jobs End Welfare
  54. Ancient Blonde Corpses Raise Questions
  55. Ancient Chinese Tradition Develops -- AP headline
  56. Ancient King To Watch Over Bike Network -- Southampton Daily Echo
  57. Angel's Future Now 'Secure' -- The Licencee.
  58. Angels On Cloud Nine After Award -- The Licencee.
  59. Animal 'Fart Tax' Puts Wind up New Zealand Farmers -- AFP headline
  60. Animals Take Over Village That Changed Hands Twice - Irish Times
  61. Animals Turn To Teaching
  62. Antibacterial Ingredient in Shampoo May Prevent HIV -- Reuters headline
  63. Antique Stripper To Display Wares At Store
  64. Ants Show BT How To Control Computers
  65. Aquarium Lands Bomber -- Bristol Evening Post
  66. Arafat Swears In Cabinet
  67. Archangels To Guard Vatican In Cyberspace
  68. Armageddon Ahead, Please Fasten Your Bible Belt -- Times (London)
  69. Armageddon Could Threaten United's Promotion Push
  70. Army Felled By Sheep -- Express
  71. Army Social Worker Punched His Boss At Conference On Anger -- Irish
  72. Around The World Rhinos Crash Back To Earth -- Guardian.
  73. Arson Suspect Is Held In Massachusetts Fire
  74. Artificial Intelligence Like Real Thing
  75. Asbestos Man In Compensation Bid -- Hounslow Guardian
  76. Asbestos Suit Pressed
  77. Astrologers Fail to Predict Proof They Are Wrong -- London Telegraph
  78. Astronaut Takes Blame For Gas In Spacecraft
  79. Attack By ET Proves Costly
  80. Attack By Goat Ends In Car Ban
  81. Attack On Rat Mistaken For Chinese -- Daily Post
  82. Auditor Confronts Martian - Irish Times
  83. Autos Killing 110 A Day Let's Resolve To Do Better
  84. Average Movie Cost Reaches $53.4M
  85. Axe For Media School's Head -- Johannesburg, Star.
  86. Babies Used To Sneak Drugs Into Prison
  87. Baboon Becomes A Landlady -- The Parrot (Ghana)
  88. Baboon Tossers Are Welcome -- Grantham Journal
  89. Baby Boomers Not Planning to Retire
  90. Bachelors Prefer Beauty To Brains In Their Wives
  91. Bacteria Go Bald And Lose Their Grip
  92. Bacteria May Make Bullet Proof Vests
  93. Bad Driving Causes Most Car Crashes -- London Evening Standard
  94. Bad Food Makes A Poor Picnic.
  95. Baker Stabbed Woman 99 Times In Self-Defence - Irish Times
  96. Ban On Soliciting Dead In Trotwood
  97. Banana Forced Officer To Have Sex
  98. Banana On Sodomy Charges - Guardian
  99. Bananas And Oranges Linked To Violent Crime -- Sunday Telegraph
 100. Bananas Get Animated
 101. Bangkok Launches Anti-Butt Campaign -- Arab News (Jeddah)
 102. Bank Drive-In Window Blocked By Board
 103. Bankrupt Association Termed In Poor Shape --Lawrence (Ka)
Journal-World 7/12/77
 104. Baptists Halt Talks With Catholics -- AP headline
 105. Baywatch Star Objects To Fake Sex
 106. BBC Raises Dead To Give Comedy New Life -- Times.
 107. Bearded Lady Sues Dwarf -- UPI headline
 108. Beatrix Potter Bolied Squirrels -- Sunday Times
 109. Beavers Fly Flag In Uganda
 110. Belgian Man Saves Fish with Kiss of Life -- Reuters headline
 111. Bible Belt Leads U.S. in Divorces -- AP headline
 112. Bible Church's Focus Is The Bible -- Saint Augustine Record,
Florida, December 3, 1994
 113. "Bibles Sold To The Dead" Claim -- Bradford Telegraph & Argus.
 114. Big Black Hole Found In The Sky
 115. Bike Cop Finds Man With Crack -- Mt. Airy News in Mt. Airy, NC
 116. Bird Bath Takes Flight -- Bridlington (Humberside) Free Press.
 117. Bird Crime Up -- Dally Telegraph.
 118. Bishop Attacks Childless Couples -- Huddersfield Daily Examiner.
 119. Biting Nails Can Be Sign Of Tenseness In A Person -- The Daily
Gazette of Schenectady, New York, May 2
 120. Black-Belt Prosecutor Leg-Locks Defendant -- Reuters Headline
 121. Blind Bishop Appointed To See
 122. Blind Man Bites Guide Dog In Drunken Rage - Daily Telegraph
 123. Blind Rioters Apprehended In Zambia
 124. Blind Users Stymied By New Internet Graphics
 125. Blind Woman Gets New Kidney From Dad She Hasn't Seen In Years
 126. Blue Skies Unless Its Cloudy --San Francisco Chronicle 5/29/??
 127. Body Found On Boat Seized By Bailiffs And Due To Be Auctioned --
Isle Of Wight County Press
 128. Body Of Unarmed Man Slain By Police Leaving For Africa -- Associated
 129. Body Wants New Blood - Chingford Guardian
 130. Bold Plan To Put Capetown On Map - Sunday Times Business News
 131. Bomb Hit By Library
 132. Bookbinder Wants His Ashes Kept in Special Book on Library Shelf --
PA headline
 133. "Boom Box" Explodes, One Dead -- Reuters headline
 134. Boots Fined For Selling Underage Girl Dracula
 135. Boy Cooks Must Eat Own Vitals
 136. Boy Trapped Inside His Own Body Gets £3.3m -- Wolverhampton Express
& Star.
 137. Boy Who Drowned Couldn't Swim -- The Province Vancouver, BC, Canada,
18th Or 19th September 2000
 138. Brain Bank Seeks More Deposits -- Reuters headline
 139. Bridge Sets 60 Mph Limit For Pedestrians -- Dundee Courier
 140. Bring Back The Bongs, Say Mps -- Metro.
 141. Britain Inches Grudgingly Towards Metric System -- Reuters headline
 142. Britain To Free Children From Soccer Slavery - The Times
 143. Britain's Radioactive Lobsters Upset Norway - Independent
 144. British Gay Activists Scale Palace
 145. British Helicopters Could Shoot Themselves Down -- AFP headline
 146. British Left Waffles On Falkland Islands -- Daily Telegraph
 147. British MPs to Drink Ethically Produced Coffee
 148. British Push Bottles Up Germans
 149. British Soldiers Sue over Stress in Battle -- Reuters headline
 150. British Union Finds Dwarfs In Short Supply
 151. Briton Gored By Bull In Intensive Care - Daily Telegraph
 152. Brothel Found at Car Repair Shop -- AP headline
 153. Buddhist Monk Hacks Off Errant Abbots Head With Kitchen Knife
 154. Bug Spawns 100 Year Old Babies -- Metro (London)
 155. Bulge In Trousers Was Ecstasy
 156. Bull Swallows Autopsy Report
 157. Bull's Sperm Comes Under The Hammer
 158. Butter Said as Deadly as Cigarettes -- AP headline
 159. Butts Slams Beer Ads Featuring Animal Sex -- UPI headline
 160. C.I.A. Drafts Covert Plan to Topple Saddam
 161. Cabbage Diced In Social Unrest - The Austrailian
 162. Cabbage Privatised - Guardian
 163. Cabbage Startles Solicitors -- Meridian News
 164. California Governor Makes Stand on Dirty Toilets -- Reuters headline
 165. California Hopes For An Alien Invasion To Solve Jobs Crisis - Times
Interface Supplement
 166. California Seeks 13,000 Sex Offenders
 167. California Wildlife Destroys Over 40 Homes
 168. Canada Could Face Sperm Shortage -- Canadian Press headline
 169. Canadian Prime Minister Doesn't Think Bush Is 'a Moron' -- Reuters
 170. Cancer Society Honors Marlboro Mann
 171. Car Lost In Untended Garden - Daily Telegraph
 172. Cardigan Keeps Hampshire Cosy - Guardian
 173. Caribbean Bananas Are Ethical Bananas --UK Minister
 174. Caribbean Islands Drift To Left
 175. Carter Plans Swell Deficit
 176. Carter Ticks Off Black Help
 177. Cash Boost By Elderly Satan -- Dudley Express & Star.
 178. Cash Boost For Truancy -- Hounslow Guardian
 179. Cash Compost Means That Trees Can Grow On Money -- The Times
 180. Cash Plea To Help Dyslexic Cildren -- South Wales Evening Post
 181. Cat Tossing Latest Fad On Israeli Highways
 182. Cats To Replace Husbands -- Times
 183. Cattleman Grilled by Oprah's Lawyers
 184. Cause Of Aids Found - Scientists
 185. Cave Plan Arouses Stalactite Concern -- Irish Times.
 186. Celibacy Could Make Priests Extinct -- Dally Record.
 187. Cement Supplies Seen As Adequate
 188. Cemetery Faces Grave Problems Over Space -- Basingstoke Observer
 189. Central Bank Aims To Replace The Mattress -- Guardian
 190. Chaos As Church Split Widens -- Nairobi Nation.
 191. Chaos As Dead Rat Makes A Break For It - Manchester Evening News
 192. Chaos Warning As The Sun Explodes -- Metro (London)
 193. Charges Filed in Fla. Electrocution -- AP headline
 194. Checkout Counter Killer Sentenced To Die For Second Time In 10 Years
 195. Chef Finds New Game as Rat Exterminator -- Reuters headline
 196. Chef Gets Life for Cooking Wife -- Reuters headline
 197. Chef Throws His Heart Into Helping Feed Needy
 198. Cher Immortalized in Plastic -- AP headline
 199. Chicken Banned From Crossing The Road
 200. Chicken With Artificial Legs Dies A Hero -- Associated Press
 201. Child Abuse Service Gains Corporate Sponsorship -- The Adelaide
 202. Childminders Get Right To Smack -- Daily Telegraph
 203. Children Can Glow Safely -- Luton News
 204. Children's Stool Great For Use In Garden
 205. Child's Death Ruins Couple's Holiday
 206. China Drag Queens Have Officials On Their Knees
 207. Chinchilla Dirige El Museo Arqueologico Nacional -- (Chinchilla Is
Manager Of The National Archaeological Museum) El Pais (Spain).
 208. Chinese Apeman Dated
 209. Chocolate Biscuit Bites Man In Midnight Snack Attack -- Shetland Times
 210. Chocolates, Kissing Could Help Fight Cavities -- AFP headline
 211. Chopper Search For Man In Underpants -- Luton News
 212. Chou Remains Cremated
 213. Christ Resigns As Police Chief
 214. Christian Cars Stoned in Nazareth -- AP headline
 215. Christmas Trees Don't Grow On Trees
 216. Christ's Plans Under Fire From Wandsworth -- Richmond & Twickenham
 217. Church Goes Missing
 218. Church Homes Shut For Employing Christians
 219. Church In Northwick Talks -- Berrows Worcester Journal.
 220. Church Members Given Right To Die -- Guardian
 221. Church Plan Upsets Brothel -- Adelaide Advertiser
 222. Circumcision Now Seen As Pointless -- Straits Times (Singapore)
 223. City May Impose Mandatory Time, For Prostitution
 224. City Pact Fight Boils
 225. City Workers Rarely Fired for Doing a Bad Job -- Houston Chronicle
 226. Clinton Claims Credit for Y2K Quash -- AP headline
 227. Clinton Demands Children's Drug Dosages
 228. Clinton Places Dickey In Gore's Hands - Bangor Maine News
 229. Clinton Pledges Restraint In Use Of Nuclear Weapons -- Cedar Rapids
Gazette, April 6
 230. Clinton Stiff On Withdrawal - The Bosnia Bugle
 231. Cloning Warning As Japanese Grow Frog Eyes In Laboratory -- Daily Mail
 232. Cocaine Use Hits New High -- Brentwood Yellow Advertiser
 233. Cold Is No Good For Blubs -- Richmond Borough Guardian
 234. Cold Wave Linked To Temperatures
 235. Collapsed Bridge in China Faulty -- AP headline
 236. Collegians Are Turning To Vegatables
 237. Columnist Gets Urologist In Trouble With His Peers
 238. Commuter Tax On New Yorkers Killed In New Jersey
 239. Complaints About NBA Referees Growing Ugly
 240. Complaints About NHL Referees Growing Ugly
 241. Compromise on Ten Commandments -- AP headline
 242. Condom Firm Streches Product Line
 243. Condon's Pledge To Murder Witnesses - Daily Mail
 244. Confidence Sinks in September -- UPI headline
 245. Congressmen Try To Revive Suit -- International Herald Tribune.
 246. Connie Tied, Nude Policeman Testifies
 247. Constipation Is Not the Root of All Evil After All -- Reuters headline
 248. Cookies With Condoms Fail Family Taste-Test
 249. Cops: Man Steals Car to Get to [Car] Theft Hearing -- Jersey City
Journal headline
 250. Cops Demanding Bribes From Aliens -- Johannesburg Star.
 251. Cops Halt Doughnut Shop Robbery
 252. Cops Quiz Victim In Fatal Shooting
 253. Coroner In Call To Put A Stop To Drink-All-You-Can-Nights After
Death -- Sheffield Star
 254. Cost of Being Poor Rising -- Denver Post headline
 255. Council Informs Woman Who Died Two Years Ago She Is Dead -- Irish Times
 256. Council Not Liable Over Fatally Locked Widows -- The Times
 257. Council Staff Could Be Axed -- Hounslow Guardian
 258. County Bars Further Erections
 259. County Officials Seek Public Input On Adult Stores - Hunstville
(Texas) Item
 260. County Officials To Talk Rubbish
 261. Couple Names Baby After Web Site -- AP headline
 262. Couple Slain: Police Suspect Homicide
 263. Court Rules Boxer Shorts Are Indeed Underwear -- Journal of
Commerce, April 20
 264. Court Would Not Accept God Paid For TV Licence -- Somerset Standard
 265. Cow Attacks School Cook -- Halifax Evening Courier
 266. Cow Disarms Soldier, Another Kills Witch
 267. Cowboy Warning In Tornado-Hit Town -- Ceefax (BBC Teletext Service)
 268. Crashed Jet May Have Flown Too Low -- AP headline
 269. Crazed Elephant Found In Sea
 270. Creepy, Crawly Creatures Invade DC -- AP headline
 271. Crematorium Plans Put On Back Burner -- Selkirk Advertiser
 272. Cretin Streaking Toward National Record -- Minneapolis (Mn) Star
 273. Crime Rise Blamed On Lack Of Police -- ITV Teletext Service
 274. Crook Joins Barclaycard UK -- Financial Times
 275. Croupiers On Strike - Management: "No Big Deal"
 276. Cuba Tries Short Cut To Tailor Economy-- The Times
 277. Curious George Goes High-tech -- AP headline
 278. Cuts Could Hurt Animals -- The West Briton
 279. Damp Patches Discovered On Sun
 280. Dead Dictator Wanted as President -- Reuters headline
 281. Dead Dogs Explode -- Bakersfield Californian
 282. Dead Golfer Plays His Best Round -- Sun
 283. Dead Man Accuses President -- Guardian.
 284. Dead Man Catches 23lb Carp -- News 0f The World
 285. Dead Man Found In Cemetery
 286. Dead Man Gets Job Back
 287. Dead Man Remains Dead
 288. Dead Man Wins His Unfair Sacking Battle -- Daily Mail
 289. This headline followed: 'Dead' woman wins pension apology - BBC News
 290. Dead Youth Had Serious Medical Condition - The Dominion (New Zealand)
 291. Dead-Beats Contribute to Poverty -- AP headline
 292. Deadly Centipede Chases Postman - Daily Telegraph
 293. Deaf College Opens Doors To Hearing
 294. Deaf Magician Disqualified For Hearing -- D. Telegraph.
 295. Deaf Mute Gets New Hearing In Killing
 296. Dealers Will Hear Car Talk At Noon
 297. Dealers Will Hear Car Talk Friday At Noon
 298. Death Causes Loneliness, Feeling Of Isolation
 299. Death Ruled Unavoidable - Seattle Times
 300. Deer Congress To Be Held In Cork
 301. Deer Kill 130,000
 302. Deer Kill 17,000
 303. Defendant's Speech Ends In Long Sentence.
 304. Delivering "Extra Strong" Support For The Three Legged -- The Stage
 305. Detective Loses Pyjamas In Chase -- Metro
 306. Devil Could Play Host To The Second Coming Of The Tiger -- Brisbane
Courier Mail.
 307. Devil May Postpone Release Of Calicivirus
 308. Devil's Head Found In Back Seat - The Advertiser (South Austrailia)
 309. Diaper Market Bottoms Out
 310. Did Parrots Coexist With Dinosaurs? -- AP headline
 311. Diet Of Premature Babies "Affects IQ" -- Guardian
 312. Dinosaurs Struggle For Survival - Lewiston (ME) Sun Journal
 313. Dirty-Air Cities Far Deadlier Than Clean Ones, Study Shows -- The
New York Times, March 10
 314. Discoveries: Older Blacks Have Edge In Longevity -- The Chicago
Tribune, March 5
 315. Disillusioned Angel Warns Of Too Much Pressure - Western Mail
 316. Disney Stories Are Unfair On Mad People Says Doctor -- Evening Standard
 317. Divine Intervention by Taxi Firm -- Border TV Regional Ceefax 313.
Full story click Here
 318. Divorce Is Like A Lonely Gerbil -- Times
 319. Divorce Leaves Man Blind - Sunday Times (South Africa)
 320. Doctor Raps "Negligence" -- Daily Mirror
 321. Doctor Testifies In Horse Suit
 322. Does Sex Makes Women Sprinters Faster?? -- Reuters headline
 323. Dog Accused Of Racism -- D. Telegraph
 324. Dog Dirt In Park - Group Leaders Step In -- Congleton Guardian
 325. Dog In Bed, Asks Divorce
 326. Dogs Are Being Taught To Do Housework For The Disabled
 327. Dog's Eye Saved By Pig Intestine -- Times.
 328. Dolphins, Whales, Seals Do Research -- AP headline
 329. Double-Hand Transplant Patient Applauds Operation -- Reuters headline
 330. Doughnut Trail Leads Cops to Thief -- Reuters headline
 331. Down Under Love for Princess Anne's Daughter -- Reuters headline
 332. Downside to Fewer Violent Deaths: Transplant Organ Shortage Grows --
New York Times headline
 333. Dr. Ruth To Talk About Sex With Newspaper Editors
 334. Dragons Help Fund Cure For Diabetes -- North Bay (Ontario) Nugget.
 335. Dragons Slay Galaxy -- Lewiston (Maine) Sun-Journal.
 336. Drive To Ban Horse Whipping Mushrooms
 337. Driver Shocked As Sheep Emerges From Pothole -- Western Mail
 338. Drug Abuse "Can Be Beaten By Joint Effort"
 339. Drug Dealers Dealt Heavy Blow Say Police
 340. Drug Squad Nabs Flying Carpets -- Independent.
 341. Drugs Fine For Businessman
 342. Drugs Giant Gets Shot In Arm -- Western Dally Press.
 343. Drunk Ex-US Marine Hits Corpse -- Irish Times
 344. Drunk Gets Nine Months In Violin Case
 345. Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 In '84
 346. Duck Meat Pie Kills Three Colombian Nuns -- Infobeat
 347. Ducks Banned From Duck Pond
 348. DUI Coordinator Resigns After Being Charged With DUI -- AP headline
 349. Dumped Fish Remains Upset -- Wellington (NZ) Evening Post
 350. Dutch to Extend Free Heroin Hand-Outs to Addicts -- Reuters headline
 351. Dutch Undertakers Hire Clown to Lighten the Mood -- PA headline
 352. Dyke Calls Up Daleks To Take On Hollywood -- Sunday Times
 353. E.T.'s Wife Dragged To Court -- Weekly Newswatch (Ghana)
 354. Eagle Found In Man's Sink
 355. Earth Summit "Offers no help for East Kent" -- East Kent Mercury
 356. Economist Uses Theory To Explain Economy -- Collinsville
Herald-Journal, February 8
 357. Ecstasy Found In Mans Pants -- Eastern Evening News
 358. El Nino Blamed for Rise in Diarrhea in Peru
 359. Elf Bribed To Get Plant -- Nairobi Nation
 360. Elf Condoms Stolen -- Wolverhampton Express & Star
 361. Elf To Sell Major North Sea Assets -- BBC Ceefax.
 362. Eloping Lover, 92, In Court - The Times
 363. Elves Laid Off as Santa Feels Pinch -- AP headline
 364. Emotional Trauma May Actually Reduce Brain Size
 365. End Of Cold War Does Little To Reduce Trench Coat Sales
 366. Energy Executives Urge Some Gas-Emission Limits on Bush -- New York
Times headline
 367. Enfant Terrible Sees a Message in Underpants
 368. Enfield Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
 369. English Solicitors Hope To Inspire Ugandan Ethics -- Law Society
 370. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Ax
 371. Enraged Cow Injures House
 372. ET Guilty Of Attempted Murder -- The Star And SA Times International
 373. EU Minister Hunts Rubber Duck to Near Extinction. -- The Times
 374. EU Must Unite On Drugs
 375. EU Official Hunts Rubber Duck To Near Extinction -- Times
 376. EU Plans £70m Tower Of Babel -- Sunday Times
 377. Eunuchs Strut Their Stuff on Indian Catwalk -- AFP headline
 378. Euro MP Due To Visit Pluto - Bristol Evening Post
 379. Everyday People Say They Prefer Ethics in Government -- East
Brunswick (N.J.) Home News Tribune headline
 380. Evil Spirits Banned From Coffee Bar -- Daily Telegraph
 381. Evil Spirits Clash With Holy Ghost
 382. Ex-Dictator Broke, Living With Mom -- AP headline
 383. Ex-Head Tells Of Elf's Work As Paris Agent --Int. Herald Tribune
 384. Expert Has Brains Of BSE Chicken
 385. Expert: Ignorance May Worsen Situation -- UPI headline
 386. Experts Bury British Coal - Guardian
 387. Explosion Of Professors At Universities - Sunday Times
 388. Exposing the Truth: Defendant Moons Jury -- AP headline
 389. Eye Drops Off Shelf
 390. Face Transplants No Longer Science Fiction -- Reuters headline
 391. Fairies From Outer Space Go Missing On Train To Sunderland --
Sunderland Echo
 392. Fairy Returned Safe And Well -- Middlesborough Evening Gazette.
 393. Fairy Tourists Spark Warning To Children -- Bradford Telegraph & Argus
 394. Fake Condoms Kill Adam And Eve In China
 395. Family Frantic As Mother Is Stolen
 396. Family Issues Ultimatum Over Crater -- Yorkshire Regional Ceefax
 397. Family Of 17 Defects From North Korea
 398. Family's Ceiling Leaked Dead Birds
 399. Families Jettison Meals At Table -- Times
 400. Farm Worker Axed Friends to Death, Court Told -- PA headline
 401. Farmer Bill Dies In House
 402. Farmer Bitten Splitting Dogs
 403. Fatal Mudslide Blamed On Hill
 404. Faulty Parts Bring The World To A Halt
 405. Fayed's Chopper Drives Us Crazy -- Ealing & Acton Gazette
 406. Fears Over Singing Lollipop -- Johannesburg Times
 407. Feds Step Up Laundering Crackdown -- AP headline
 408. Fence Not Keeping Deer From Waltzing -- Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.
 409. Ferries Must Stay Afloat In Worst Of Storms, Say Safety Engineers
 410. Few Britons Feel Death Had Lasting Effect On Them -- Johannesburg Star
 411. Fiji Village to Apologize for Eating English Missionary -- AFP headline
 412. Final Funerals In Arkansas -- Daily Telegraph
 413. Fine Young Man Convicted Of Misdemeanor
 414. Fish Around On New Web Sites -- Watford Observer.
 415. Fish Lurk In Streams -- Rochester, New York, Democrat & Chronicle,
January 29
 416. Flaming Toilet Seat Causes Evacuation At High School
 417. Fleeing Aliens Denied Entry Into Tanzania
 418. Floods Only Bring More Tears
 419. Florida May Need Disabled Voter Machines -- AP headline
 420. Flowers To Ease Famine -- Scunthorpe Evening Telegraph
 421. Fly Genes Mixed into Chicken Soup -- UPI headline
 422. Flying Bishop Pursued -- Guardian
 423. Flying Goats Spark Alarm
 424. Flying Rabbis Try To Ward Off Iraqi Attack -- Daily Telegraph
 425. "Flying Rats" Have Bank In Flap -- Irish News.
 426. Food Is Basic To Student Diet --Bridgeport (Cn) Post 1/18/78
 427. Foot Heads Arms Body -- Daily Mirror
 428. For Valentine's Day, Try to Plan Your Spontaneity -- Indianapolis
Star headline
 429. Former Manager "Growled Like A Dog" When He Bit Man's Ear -- Irish
 430. Former Python To Open Giraffe House -- The News (Portsmouth)
 431. Fossil Scientists Track Down Oldest Footprints In The World
 432. Fox Offers Mexicans An End To Monologue - Financial Times
 433. Free Advice: Bundle Up When Out In The Cold -- Lexington
Herald-Leader, January 26
 434. Free Speech For Aliens
 435. French Minister 'Condoned Police Shooting Of Aliens' - Guardian
 436. French Police Suspect Nudist Site Has Something to Hide -- AFP headline
 437. Frequent Handshaking May Be Hazardous to Candidates -- AFP headline
 438. Friends Trade Tattered Card for 49 Years -- AP headline
 439. Frogs Satirize Racial Politics - Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
 440. Frozen Semen Talks -- from an Australian paper; an article on a
visit by the Victorian Artificial Breeders Co-op
 441. FT Not To Blame For Journalists' Suffering -- Independent
 442. Fuchsia Talks -- Bristol Evening Post
 443. Fund Set Up For Beating Victim's Kin
 444. Fur Flies In Cat Kitty -- Evening News?
 445. Future Bright for Super Stainless Steel -- AFP headline
 446. Gas Smell Diverts Flight, But It Was Just Passengers Pants
 447. Gators To Face Seminoles With Peters Out - The Tallahassee Bugle
 448. Gays in Roanoke Recover After Slaying -- AP headline
 449. Geckos Reveal Creativity, Expertise -- The Nambian
 450. General Eisenhower Flies Back To Front
 451. General Motors: Air Bag Failure Not a Concern -- AP headline
 452. Genetic Engineering Splits Scientists
 453. Gentler War Promised in Colombia -- AP headline
 454. German Airbag Theft Exploding -- Reuters headline
 455. German Army Is Told To Let Women Fight -- Int. Herald Tribune
 456. German Magnetic Train Moves Forward
 457. German Soldiers Fear The Arrival Of Women -- Daily Telegraph
 458. Ghosts In $1M Fraud -- Melbourne Herald-Sun
 459. Ghosts Take Derby -- Lynn News
 460. Ghoul Drinks Blood On Bus
 461. Giant Snail Shuts Down Tassie Port -- Townsville (Queensland) Austrilia
 462. Giant Snails Get Set To Take Over -- Halifax Evening Courier.
 463. Giant Tea Bag Kept Families Up All Night! -- Oxford Journal.
 464. Giant Tea Bags Protest
 465. Giant Waves down Queen Mary’s funnel -- Guardian, 1950s
 466. Giantkillers Stretch Town To The Limit
 467. Ginger Cat Found in Mousehole Area -- Unknown Cornish Paper
 468. Girl, 14, Saved By Dog's Eyes -- Daily Post
 469. Gnome Sparks Srike -- The Weekend Australian
 470. God Commissions £10 Theme Park -- Building Design
 471. God Gets A Parking Caution: "No Exceptions" Say Police -- York &
District Advertiser
 472. God Holds Up Traffic
 473. God Is 'More Important' The Second Time Around -- D. Telegraph
 474. God Sends A Sign To The Heathen In The Chevy -- Independent.
 475. God Throws Dice Into Black Hole
 476. Golfer Charged With Drunken Driving -- AP headline
 477. Golfers Warned Not To Lick Balls -- BBC Teletext News
 478. Goliath Cleared Of Assaulting Piranha At Club -- The Times
 479. "Goofy" Confesses To 140 Murders -- Irish Times.
 480. Gore Helps Kids Learn Gibberish -- AP headline
 481. Gore Stands Behind Clinton
 482. Gorillas Of Rwanda Lecture At Museum Of Natural History
 483. Gothic Secret Of New York's Invisible Nuns
 484. Government's Attack On Greys Premature -- Victoria (Bc) Times Colonial
 485. Governor Chiles Offers Rare Opportunity To Goose Hunters - The
Tallahassee Democrat
 486. Governor's Penis Busy - [Should Be -Pen Is -] The New Haven
Connecticut Register
 487. Grandmother Of Eight Makes Hole In One
 488. Gravy Train Slows Down At Morgue -- San Francisco Examiner
 489. Great Wall Getting Less Great -- Reuters headline
 490. Great White Shark Battered To Death By Holidaymakers -- The Times
 491. Greece Declares War on Bad Cheese -- AP headline
 492. Greek Bars Close Early In Protest At Early Closure
 493. Green Man Causes Jams -- Walthamstow (London) Guardian
 494. Groin Kick Led To 7-Day Erection -- Examiner (Cork - Ireland)
 495. Grover Man Draws Prison Term, Fine For Sex Acts
 496. Guinea-Pig Judge Quits
 497. Gunman Shot By 999 Cops -- Daily Mirror
 498. "Gunproof" Chief Shot -- South China Morning Post
 499. Gynecologist, Friar In Wine Deal
 500. Haddock Bids For NFU Leadership -- Western Morning News
 501. Haddock Leads The Race For Top Farmers' Job -- Western Daily Press
 502. Hairdo Kills Mum - Daily Mirror
 503. Hairdresser "On Another Planet" -- Southampton Daily Echo
 504. Half-Blind Swede Loses Battle for Half-Price TV -- Reuters headline
 505. Half Of Scottish Farms In The Red -- The Scotsman 25/01/2000. Also
in the same paper
 506. Half Of U.S. High Schools Require Some Study For Graduation
 507. Half Women Living In Fear -- Daily Record
 508. Half-Million Italian Women Seen On Pill
 509. Hamiltons To Be Shot Into Space -- Midweek Visitor (Southport)
 510. Happiness Cannot Be Bought but it Lengthens Life
 511. Harrowing, Hungry Voyage For 22 Aliens -- New York Daily News
 512. Head In Pot Lands Man In Can -- Rockland (NY) Journal News
 513. Head of Anti-Violence Group Arrested for Hitting Referee -- AP headline
 514. Heads Fly To Funeral
 515. Heads In Short Supply
 516. Heads Thrown Out Of Meeting -- Woolwich & Plumstead News Shopper
 517. Headless Chickens Roam The Commons -- Daily Express
 518. Health Officials Were Given Hip Warning In 1995 -- The Times
 519. Heart Donor Recovers -- Irish Independant
 520. Heaven Is Giving Up Smoking, Says Pope -- Daily Mail.
 521. Henman Sees Balls As Key To His Success -- Evening Standard
 522. Henshaw Offers Rare Opportunity, To Goose Hunters
 523. Hershey Bars Protest
 524. Higher Costs Explain Why U.S. is Cheaper than U.K. -- Reuters headline
 525. Hitler Hits Tourists -- - Wolverhampton Express & Star
 526. Hitler Travelled For Years After Death -- Melbourne Age.
 527. Hitler, Nazi Papers Found In Attic
 528. Hobgoblins Have A Wardrobe Problem -- Cornishman
 529. Holy Russia Quashes Alien Worship -- Independent
 530. Home Secretary To Act On Video Nasties
 531. Honey, Let's Dye the Dog Red and Green for Christmas -- AFP headline
 532. Hooked on Internet? Help Is a Just a Click Away -- Reuters headline
 533. Hooters Off-Limits to Coast Guard
 534. Hopes Soar For First Supersonic Pumpkin Flight - The Times
 535. Hornets Will Accent Throwing Game In '81
 536. Horse Goes Back In Time For New Look -- The Licensee.
 537. Hospital Ban On Babies -- Newark Advertiser
 538. Hospital Plans Hinge On Roads -- Oxford Times.
 539. Hospitals Are Sued By 7 Foot Doctors
 540. Hostage-Taker Kills Self; Police Shoot Each Other
 541. Hotel Burns.Two Hundred Guests Escape Half Glad
 542. Hotline To God Great Success -- Bradford Telegraph & Argus.
 543. House Passes Gas Tax Onto Senate
 544. How Many Condoms Is Enough?
 545. How Sardines Saved Stranded Potholers -- Daily Mail.
 546. How to Drink and Still Stay Sober -- Reuters headline
 547. How We Feel About Ourselves Is The Core Of Self-Esteem, Says Author
Louise Har -- Boulder, Colorado, Sunday Camera, February 5
 548. Human Version of Fly Gene Found
 549. Humpty Dumpty Wins Award For Balance
 550. Hundreds Hurt During Annual Stone-throwing Festival -- PA news headline
 551. Hungry Body Ate Fasting Buddhist Alive -- The Times
 552. Hunt For Doorstep Attacker -- Halifax Evening Courier
 553. Hunt For Killer Toxic Lard -- Homg Kong Standard
 554. Husband Bites Wife's 'Thing' - The Monitor (Uganda)
 555. Husband Put Rat Poison In Wife's Tea "As A Health Cure" -- Daily
 556. Husband's Internet Date Turns out to Be His Wife -- PA headline
 557. I Did Exist Says Major -- Mirror.
 558. Iceberg Blamed For Dysentery
 559. Idaho Group Organizes To Help, Service Widows
 560. If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly It May Last A While
 561. Ike Says Nixon Can't Stand Pat
 562. Illinois Mulls Capital Punishment Reform after Mistakes -- AFP headline
 563. I'm Not Cruel Says Maggot Dog Woman -- South Avon Mercury
 564. Impotent Must Say No To Sausages And Bacon -- Times.
 565. Incest More Common Than Thought In America
 566. Include Your Children When Baking Cookies
 567. India's Nuclear Yeti
 568. Indicted Man Might Be Part Of Plot -- AP headline
 569. Infant Morality Shows Drop Here
 570. Infertility Unlikely To Be Passed On
 571. Inmate Electrocuted On Toilet
 572. Inquest Opens on Dead Woman -- Bath Chronicle
 573. Insect Sex Organs Rise From The Dead -- New Scientist
 574. Insects Play Important Role In Helping To Solve Crimes -- Irish Times.
 575. Invisible Man Comes Out Of Hiding -- Sydney Daily Telegraph.
 576. Invisible Man Disappears From View -- Reuters headline
 577. Invisible Man Faked Death In Paddington Rail Crash -- Sunday Times
 578. Invisible Tenants Get Council Cash -- Wimbledon Independent.
 579. Iowa Move Back To Pittsburgh
 580. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
 581. Irish Mice Win Design Award -- Irish Times.
 582. Irish Peat Bogs Rocked By Great Sheep Explosion
 583. Irish Robots Win At Volleyball -- Irish Times.
 584. Is There A Ring Of Debris Around Uranus?
 585. Isn't It Dangerous Trying To Drive Two Cars At Once? -- Leyton Guardian
 586. Israeli Men Say Better Sex Would Create Social Peace
 587. Israeli Religious Leader Bans Nose Picking on Sabbath
 588. It's Always Best To Avoid Killer Bee Hives.
 589. Italian Plane Passengers See Flames, Vote to Land -- Reuters headline
 590. Jail Guard Probe In Prison Sex
 591. Janet Jackson Has Another, Um, Single Out -- Arizona Republic headline
 592. Japan, Russia Still Far Apart on Islands -- Reuters headline
 593. Jesus "Not A Hedgehog" -- Church Times
 594. Jocelyn Elders Forces Clinton's Hand -- Associated Press headline
 595. Judge Acts To Reopen Theater
 596. Judge Issues Preliminary Injunction In Cigarette Display Case --
Asheville (Nc) Citizen-Times.
 597. Judge Says Texas is Part of U.S.
 598. Judge To Rule On Nude Beach
 599. Judgement Day Date Delayed
 600. Judges To Learn "Human Awareness"
 601. Jupiter Out Of Orbit Over Resignation -- Irish Times.
 602. Jury Clears Cow in Car Accident -- AP headline
 603. Jury Finds Pope Guilty Of Homicide -- This Week In The News
 604. Jury Gets Drunk Driving Case Here
 605. Juvenile Court To Try Shooting Defendant
 606. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
 607. Kids' Pajamas To Be Removed By Woolworth
 608. Killer Sentenced To Die For Second Time In 10 Years
 609. King's Missing Dung Sparks Crisis -- Weekly Telegraph.
 610. Kissinger Allegedly Forges Mideast Pact
 611. Kremlin May Decide Outcome Of Cavan-Monaghan Election -- Irish Times
 612. Kruger Park Lions Dying Like Flies -- Sunday Times (Johannesburg)
 613. L.A. Voters Approve Urban Renewal By Landslide
 614. Labour Councillors Worried About Disappearing Trains
 615. Lack Of Brains Hinders Research -- The Columbus Dispatch, April 16
 616. Lack Of Water Hurts Ice Fishing
 617. Landlord Sentenced to Die for Eating Tenant -- Reuters headline
 618. Landmines -- Diana On Last Leg Of Trip -- Bbc Ceefax
 619. Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
 620. Large Celestial Object Stuns Astronomers -- New Scientist
 621. Larger Kangaroos Leap Farther, Researchers Find -- The Los Angeles
Times, November 2
 622. Latin Course To Be Canceled - No Interest Among Students, Et Al.
 623. Law Prohibits Swearing Around the Dead -- AP headline
 624. Lawmen From Mexico Barbecue Guests
 625. Lawyer Calls Soul As Witness
 626. Lawyer Frees Own Killer -- News 0f The World
 627. Lawyers Give Poor Free Legal Advise
 628. Lazy, Fat Dragons To Go On Crash Diet In Zoo
 629. Legal Actions Aim To Prevent 'Anorexic And Alien Body' Being Built
-- Irish Times.
 630. Legislature Follows the Law, Does Little
 631. Legless Priest Steals Armless Man's Wife -- News 0f The World.
 632. Lesbian Ex-Nun Witch Hits Bad Spell In N.Y. -- New York Post
 633. Lesotho Women Make Great Carpets -- Unknown Source, Quoted By John
Preston, Sunday Telegraph.
 634. Less Formal Orthodox Church Sought -- AP headline
 635. Let The People Decide On Drugs -- Observer
 636. Life Means Caring For Hospital Director
 637. "Light" Meals Are Lower In Fat, Calories -- Huntington
Herald-Dispatch, November 30
 638. Lightning Strikes Worshippers
 639. Limp Bizkit Singer: Money's Not All
 640. Lingerie Shipment Hijacked -Thief Gives Police The Slip
 641. Lions Elect New District Governor
 642. Lions Put On Dog Show -- West Briton (Cornwall)
 643. Lions Say That Was Then, This Is Now -- Johannesburg Citizen
 644. Lions Still Preying On Aliens -- The Star And Sunday South African
 645. Lisa Hall Wins Worst Hole Contest -- Ely (Nevada) Daily Times
 646. Listen Up, Your Dog Wants to Tell You Something -- Reuters headline
 647. Living Saint Laid To Rest --Examiner
 648. Lizard Re-routes Queen's Plane -- D. Telegraph.
 649. Local High School Dropouts Cut In Half
 650. Local Man Has Longest Horns In Texas
 651. London 4800 Nurses Short -- Evening Standard
 652. London Bus Goes Down Well In Moscow -- Dundee Courier.
 653. Londons Homeless To Live In Admiralty Arch - The Times
 654. Long Island Stiffens For Lili's Blow - Newsday
 655. Lord's Mother Suing Diocese
 656. Lost Scissors Found In Woman -- Guardian.
 657. Lost Trees Found In Scottish Highlands
 658. Low Wages Said Key To Poverty -- Newsday, July 11
 659. Low-Cost Rabies Shots To Be Offered In Transylvania -- Ashville
 660. Lung Cancer In Women Mushrooms
 661. Lutherans OK Pact With Episcopalians -- AP headline
 662. Mad Cow Talks -- Huddersfield Daily Examiner
 663. Maddened Cow Leads Farmers' Protest -- The Times
 664. Mafia Boss Escapes in Wheelchair
 665. Maggots Tackle Raiders
 666. Magician Nearly Killed By Doves -- West Briton
 667. Magician's Car Vanishes
 668. Malaysian Transvestites Whack Religious Police with Handbags -- AFP
 669. Male Infertility Can Be Passed on to Children -- Reuters headline
 670. Male Naturist Members Rise -- Big Issue North
 671. Malls Try To Attract Shoppers -- The Baltimore Sun, October 22
 672. Man Accused Of Excessively Passing Wind
 673. Man Admits Stuffing Shrimp into Pants -- AP headline
 674. Man Allegedly Beaten By Woman With A Frozen Fish
 675. Man Appears Over Swimming Pool Body -- Bbc North Ceefax.
 676. Man Attacked By Canal
 677. Man Bit Head Off Girlfriend's Pet Gerbil -- Birmingham Post
 678. Man Blames Reckless Driving on Martians -- Reuters headline
 679. Man Died Of Natural Causes -- Wirral News Group
 680. Man Dies After 25 Years in a Bus Shelter -- Reuters headline
 681. Man Dies After Life Support Removed
 682. Man Eating Piranha Mistakenly Sold As Pet Fish
 683. Man Executed in Texas, Oklahoma -- AP headline
 684. Man Fights Ravenous Moth With Sex -- Victoria (BC) Times-Colonist
 685. Man Fined For Quacking
 686. Man Frees Self From Mailbox
 687. Man Goes Berserk in Car Saleroom, Many Volvos Hurt -- Reuters headline
 688. Man Held In Miami After Shooting Bee
 689. Man Held Over Giant L.A. Brush Fire
 690. Man Hurt By Fairy Cake
 691. Man Hurt When Compacted in Garbage Truck -- Reuters. Full the story
click Here
 692. Man In Rat Row Had Drunk 17 Pints Of Cider -- Halifax Evening Courier
 693. Man Is Fatally Slain
 694. Man Jailed After Restaurant Row - Indian Staff Terrified As He
Demands Italian Food -- Aberdeen Evening Express.
 695. Man Jailed For Exaggerating Pain -- Brisbane (Australia) Courier-Mail
 696. Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
 697. Man Of God Kicks Dog In Head -- Peterborough Eve. Telegraph.
 698. Man on Singles Holiday Finds Himself Alone -- PA headline
 699. Man on Way to Brothel Finds Wife Working -- Reuters headline
 700. Man Ordered To Marry Cow
 701. Man Plunges Over Cliff While Posing For Photo -- PA headline
 702. Man Run Over By Freight Train Dies -- The Los Angeles Times, March 2
 703. Man Says Israeli Police Shot Him -- AP headline
 704. Man Shaved For Using Prophetess' toilet -- East African Standard
 705. Man Shoots Neighbor With Machete -- The Miami Herald, July 3
 706. Man Shot By Shed -- Sun
 707. Man Shot In Los Boliches -- The Town Crier (Malaga)
 708. Man Sought At Sea Was In Bed
 709. Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
 710. Man Takes Garbage Truck at Gunpoint -- Madison (Indiana) Courier
 711. Man Tells Police His Crack Dealer Ran over Him -- Greenville (S.C.)
News headline
 712. Man Tossing Knife in the Air Stabs Self in Head -- AP headline
 713. Man Vanishes While Driving - Providence Journal-Bulletin
 714. Man Wins Trip For "Fathering" Rhino
 715. Man Wins His Job Back After He Dies -- Daily Mirror
 716. Man With One Arm And Leg Cheats On Other Half -- News Of The World
 717. Mandelson's Dog Is Reported Ready To Fly -- Irish Times
 718. Mangoes Bring Down Plane - The Sunday Mail (Brisbane, Australia)
 719. Manhunt For Former Elf Boss -- Irish Times.
 720. Man's Bitten Finger Was 'Trespassing' -- Bradford Telegraph & Argus.
 721. Many Antiques Seen At D.A.R. Meeting
 722. Many Women at Risk of Being Murdered Don't Know It -- Reuters headline
 723. Marbles Tortured, Says Minister -- Irish Times.
 724. March Planned For Next August
 725. Marriage Marred By Mashed Spud Mania
 726. Married Priests In Catholic Church A Long Time Coming - The New
Haven Connecticut Register
 727. Martian Blamed For Lib Dem Election Losses -- Woking News & Mail
 728. Mary Poppins Is A Black Man -- Economist.
 729. Masked Man On Horse Offered Drugs To Garda -- Irish Times
 730. Mass Poisoning In Donkey Soup War -- Wolverhampton Express & Star,
 731. "Master Idiot" Did Not Know Picasso Was In Suitcase -- Guardian
 732. Mayor Bans SEX At Local Library -- Mesa Tribune, (after the book,
SEX, by Madonna was released)
 733. Mayor Is Ousted By Mice -- Western Daily Press
 734. Mayor's Ball Is Back On The Menu -- Gloucestershire Echo
 735. Meat Head Fights Hike In Minimum Pay
 736. Memorial Pool Now a Crumbled Mess -- AP headline
 737. Memories Are Stolen After Burglars Raid Oap's Home -- Wiltshire Star.
 738. Men Get A Lesson On Kerb Crawling - The Times
 739. Men In Black Fail To Attract Sponsors -- Daily Telegraph
 740. Men Recommend More Clubs For Wives
 741. Men Think Their Way to Fertility -- Reuters headline
 742. Merlin Meets The Pope -- Reading Evening Post
 743. Mermaid Entertains Popular Hunchback
 744. Mermaid Rescue Plan Falters
 745. Messiah Climaxes In Chorus Of Hallelujahs - The Anchorage Alaska Times
 746. Mexican Leader Crashes To Earth
 747. Mexican Police Arrest Horse For Damaging Car - Daily Texan
 748. Mexico Church Calls Santa a Drunk -- AP headline
 749. Miami Considers Staying Put -- New York Times headline
 750. Mice Blamed For Missing Drinks -- Wolverhampton Express & Star
 751. Mice To Be Bombed
 752. Mickey Mouse Found In Antartic Ice -- Modern Astronomy Magazine
 753. Middle East Villages On The Move To Australia -- Brisbane Courier Mall
 754. Mike Tyson Accused Of Cruelty To Ferrets -- Times.
 755. Milk Drinkers Are Turning To Powder
 756. Milkman Finds Leg
 757. Mimes Blamed For Abusive Language
 758. Miners Refuse To Work After Death
 759. Ministers Son Held On Drugs -- Daily Mirror
 760. Mirror Plans Rival To FT -- Observer
 761. Missing Link Blamed For Road Deaths -- Newark Advertiser
 762. Missing Teen Tied To Bones
 763. "Missing" WPC Found Weeping In Panda
 764. Mistook Inmate's Noose For Decoration, Court Told -- Dundee Courier
And Advertiser
 765. Mobile Phone Threat To Universe
 766. Moggy Found But Now The Owners Are Lost -- Waltham Forest (London)
 767. Mole Embraces Supermarkets
      Sandy Mole Is A D&G Planning Official. - Dumfries & Galloway Standard
 768. Mole's Conviction Is Quashed -- Wiltshire Times
 769. Mondale's Offensive Looks Hard To Beat
 770. Monitor Lizard Fails To Explode In MP's Toilet
 771. Monster Growing Out Of Control -- Guardian
 772. Monsters Take To The Streets -- Sunday Mail (Queensland)
 773. Months To Wait For Mouldy Flat Family -- The Citizen (Gloucester)
 774. Moose Cheese To Oust Dung As Swedish Souvenir
 775. More Exercise May Help Weight Loss -- AP headline
 776. Moroccan Dog Was Unexploded Bomb
 777. Morticians Fight Over Corpse -- Canberra Times
 778. MP's Mother Joins Critic Of His Plans To "Keep Greys Away" -- Times
 779. Mr. Coffee Expands its Line to Sell ... Coffee -- South Florida
Sun-Sentinel headline
 780. Mrs. Corson's Seat Up For Grabs
 781. Mrs. Rydell's Bust Unveiled, At Nearby School
 782. Murdered Fiancés Present Petition To Number 10 -- Teletext
 783. Myth and Monsters exhibition entertains and eductaes -- Westminster
 784. Mythical Beast Brings City Grim Message
 785. N.J. Judge To Rule On Nude Beach
 786. Nader Calls Convention a 'Carnival' -- AP headline
 787. Nanny Calm As Troops Close In
 788. NASA Briefly Loses Contact With Atlantis - Lewiston (ME)
 789. Nasa To Spend $1b On Asteroids -- Brisbane (Australia) Courier-Mail
 790. Nation's Hungry Attack Meese.
 791. National Slacker Day May Be Too Much Effort -- Reuters headline
 792. Naturism Seeks Raised Profile -- Hastings and St. Leonards Observer
 793. Naval Divers To Help Sharks Settle In -- Irish Times
 794. Navy To Make Boats -- -- South China Morning Post
 795. Neighbours Fear Golf Balls -- Richmond and Twickenham Times
 796. Nelson's Hair Saved Grandson -- Times
 797. Never Withhold Herpes From Loved One
 798. Never Withhold Herpes Infection From Loved One
 799. New Autos To Hit 5 Million
 800. New compensation rules for late flights delayed by a year -- The Times
 801. New Head Of Rail Body -- Hammersmith And Fulham Post
 802. New Housing For Elderly Not Yet Dead
 803. New Lease Of Life For The Wizard – Halifax Evening Courier
 804. New Markets Found For Poor Peruvians -- The Times
 805. New Missouri U. Chancellor Expects Little Sex
 806. New South Wales Government Moves To Tighten Testosterone Availability
 807. New Study Of Obesity Looks For Larger Test Group
 808. New Tabloid "Owned By God"
 809. New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
 810. New York Bans Judgement Day -- Guardian
 811. New Zealand Scientists Use Balloon to Measure Cattle Farts -- AFP
 812. News Crew Pickpocketed While Covering Pickpocket Story -- Mainichi
Shimbun (Japan) headline
 813. Nicaragua Sets Goal To Wipe Out Literacy
 814. Nickers Leave Hospital Crutchless
 815. Night School To Hear Pest Talk
 816. Nine Yard Men Turn Supergrass -- Evening Standard
 817. North Dakota Child Found To Spread Tuberculosis -- Reuters.
 818. North Korean Leader Names Ancient Frog "Ancient Frog"
 819. Nothing Destroyed In Fire But Damage Near $100,000
 820. Nuclear Fuel Sent To Japan "Unsafe" -- Guardian.
 821. Nude Scene Done Tastefully In Radio Play
 822. Nudist Welfare Worker's Model Wife Falls for Chinese Hypnotist from
the Co-op Bacon Factory -- News of the World
 823. Nuns Drop Suit; Bishops Agree To Aid Them
 824. Nurse Fends Off Crocodile -- Irish Independent
 825. Nurses Warn Against Rash Use Of Herbal Oil Treatments -- The Guardian
 826. Ny Ponders Beating Victim -- AP Headline
 827. Oap Fined For Limping Too Slowly -- Mirror
 828. Oasis Album Could Be Record
 829. Objections Raised To Quake Aid For Aliens
 830. Officer Convicted Of Accepting Bride
 831. Officers Shoot Dead Burglar In Siege -- Times
 832. Official: Only Rain Will Cure Drought -- The Herald-News, Westpost,
 833. Officials Consider Bridge Suicide
 834. Officials: Elvis is Still Dead -- AP headline
 835. Old Guy Found Wandering at Stadium -- AP headline
 836. Old School Pillars Are Replaced By Alumni
 837. Omagh Team Aims To Make Pigs Fly Gracefully -- Irish Times
 838. One In Three UK Girls Regret Drunken Sex
 839. "Only Jail Will Stop Me", Says Illegal False Teeth Fitter
 840. Only Poets Can Save Us From Millennium Buggery -- Times Of India
 841. Opossum Squashing Ignites Debate
 842. Oprah, Madonna Talk Marriage
 843. Organ Festival Ends In Smashing Climax - San Antonio Rose
 844. Oscar Proves God Is A Mexican -- Guardian.
 845. Ottawa May Tackle Homeless -- Toronto Star headline
 846. Our Kids Die More Often: Nt Report -- Darwin Suburban
 847. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
 848. Panther Mauled In Election For Mayor -- Hong Kong Standard.
 849. Panthers Destroy Viking Visitors -- Peterborough Evening Telegraph.
 850. Passengers To Wait 10 Years For Fast Trains -- The Times
 851. Pastor Aghast After First Lady Sex Position
 852. Pastor Fighting To Stop Shop Selling Inflatable Sheep On Sundays -
Western Mail
 853. Patient At Death's Door -Doctors Pull Him Through
 854. Patient With Bad Knee Has Surgery On Healthy Tooth
 855. Pavarotti Anticipating Eclipse -- AP headline
 856. Pd Senator Speculates On A Future In Outer Space -- Irish Times
 857. Peacock Pops Alien Invaders
 858. Pelicans May Be Turned Into Puffins -- The News(Portsmouth).
 859. Penguin Dung May Hold Key To Human Flu -- South China Morning Post
 860. Peruvian Head Takes Mystery Trip – Seattle Times
 861. Petroleum Jelly Keeps Idle Tools Rust -Free - Chicago Daily News
 862. Phallus Museum Erected in Reykjavik
 863. Phantom Actor Sues -- Daily Telegraph
 864. Phantom Bus Didn't Show -- South Bucks Star
 865. Phantom Patients Offer Healthy Income -- Guardian
 866. Phantom Told To Pay Wife £3,000 A Month -- Metro (London).
 867. Physicist Recommends Bigger Balls To Slow Down Male Tennis Players -
 868. Pig Music Ordered Turned Down -- AP headline
 869. Pigs Fly Flag For Farmers -- Brisbane (Australia) Courier-Mail
 870. Pilot Vows To Quit Flying After Landing On His Wife
 871. Pirates Could Be Jailed -- Halifax Evening Courier.
 872. Pit Bulls Love You, Really
 873. Plane Too Close To Ground, Crash Probe Told
 874. Planned Parenthood Looking For Volunteers
 875. Planning Experts At Odds On Impact Of "Missing Link"
 876. Plastic Factory Worked Burned -- Coventry Eve. Telegraph
 877. Platform Shoes Claim Another Life -- Reuters headline
 878. Please Visit Cairo but Without Your Chimpanzee Friends, Officials Say
 879. Plenty of Sex Advised for Successful Pregnancy -- Reuters headline
 880. Pogo Stick Girl Saves Mother From Knifeman
 881. Pole Sets World Record for Pole-Sitting -- AP headline
 882. Police: Body Cavity Search Reveals Crack -- La Crosse (Wisc.)
Tribune headline
 883. Police: Man Killed Wife, Self, Set Fire -- Houston Chronicle headline
 884. Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers
 885. Police Discover Crack In Australia
 886. Police Find Burglar Through Yellow Snow He Left Behind -- Reno
Gazette-Journal headline
 887. Police Hunt Spoons -- Falmouth Packet
 888. Police Kill Youth In Effort To Stop His Suicide Attempt
 889. Police Pay £20,000 For Dead Parrots -- Daily Record.
 890. Police Plea On Speed -- Northampton Herald & Post.
 891. Police Probe 'Suspicious' Body in Cemetery -- PA headline
 892. Police Say Man Who Swallowed $37,500 Gem Has Yielded Loot -- Chicago
Tribune headline
 893. Police Seek Witnesses To Assault -- Richmond Borough Guardian
 894. Police Search Home 300 Times, Find Nothing -- Reuters headline
 895. Police Sing For Animals -- Brighton & Hove Albion.
 896. Police Spray Knife Man On Train -- Sydney Dally Telegraph.
 897. Police Suspicious after Body Found in Graveyard -- Halifax (Canada)
Chronicle-Herald headline
 898. Police Target "Invisible" Cycle Riders -- Cornish Guardian
 899. Police Want Extra Eyes To Catch Impaired Drivers -- North Bay Nugget
 900. Police Work a Lot Safer Than in 1970 -- AP headline;
      Two Cops Killed Attempting Arrest -- AP headline that appeared much
later the same day
 901. Political Apathy Growing, Poll Shows -- UPI Headline
 902. Politician Says Too Busy to Cheat on His Wife -- Reuters headline
 903. Pope To Fly In Hellfire Helicopter -- D. Telegraph.
 904. Portable Toilet Bombed Police Have Nothing To Go On -Newton Daily News
 905. Postmen Taught How To Walk -- Daily Mail
 906. Postmistress Is Sued By Killer For Missing FT -- Daily Telegraph
 907. Potato, Dancing Raisins Cut a Deal -- AP headline
 908. Potential Of Dublin As A "Solar Capital" Is Discussed
 909. Poverty Lags In Mississippi Delta
 910. Prehistoric Man Gets Lift In A Hearse -- Western Mail
 911. [President] Bush "Dramatically Less Visible" -- AP headline
 912. Presidential Footwear on Display -- AP headline
 913. Priest Duels With Dracula -- Mltcham & Morden Guardian.
 914. [Roman Catholic] Priest Pleads Guilty to Making Date-Rape Drug --
 915. Priest in Fatal Crash Improves -- Lakeland (Fla.) Ledger headline
 916. Prosecution Paints O.J. As A Wife-Killer -- Fort Lauderdale
Sun-Sentinel, January 25
 917. Prosecutor Releases Probe Into Undersheriff
 918. Prostitutes Appeal To Pope
 919. Prostitutes To Hold Open Day -- Irish Times
 920. Protecting Thanet's Cuntryside -- Adscene - Thanet
 921. Psychic Ferrets Take Over Couple's World -- Derby Evening Telegraph
 922. Psychotic White Rhino Boards Freedom Flight
 923. Public Swings In Favour Of The Prince-- The Times
 924. Pupils Train As Counsellors To Help Upset Classmates -- The Times
 925. Pusat Islam: Aliens Among Shi'ite Leaders
 926. Putin Pardons Pope - Brisbane Courier Mail
 927. Pygmy Caught In Mousetrap -- Northampton Chronicle & Echo
 928. Python Savages Parrot -- Wales On Sunday
 929. QEH Spending $1.2m To Help Curb Bowl Cancer -- The Advertiser
 930. Quarter Of A Million Chinese Live On Water
 931. Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped
 932. Race Cyclists Caught Speeding -- Reuters headline
 933. Rats Con Woman, 78, Out Of £3000 Savings -- Greenwhich Mercury
 934. Rattle To Lead Berlin Philharmonic -- AP headline
 935. Reagan Wins On Budget, But More Lies Ahead
 936. Real Godmother Becomes Fairy Godmother -- The Dally Observer (St
John's, Antigua).
 937. Recreational Use of Viagra Dangerous -- UPI headline
 938. Rector With Crowbar Seeks To Lay Nun's Ghost -- Daily Graphic.
 939. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
 940. Report: Depression Causes Impotence
 941. Report: U.S. Scientists Create 'Living Breasts'
 942. Research: Beer Stops Cancer Damage -- UPI headline
 943. Researcher Links Obesity, Food Portions -- AP headline
 944. Researchers Locate Tomato Gene -- AP headline
 945. Researchers Can See Thoughts
 946. Revolt By Yard Men
 947. Rhode Island Seeks Weightless Prison -- Lewiston (ME) Sun Journal
 948. Rhode Island to Honor Mr. Potato Head -- AP headline
 949. Ribena Offer To Blood Service
 950. Right To Die Advocate Found Dead.
 951. Rise Of 'Mutants' Leaves France A Divided Nation – Times
 952. Risque Business: Misguided Skating Officials Are Cracking down on
Pelvis-Pumping and Lap-Dancing - as Though People Actually Want to Watch
Olympians Skate -- San Francisco Chronicle headline
 953. RJB To Spend £50m On Lifting Australian Stake - The Times
 954. Robber Holds Up Albert's Hosiery
 955. Robber Sawed His Father In Half
 956. Robbers Attack School in Pretoria -- AP headline
 957. Rolling Stones Give Free Concert - No One Killed -- Reuters headline
 958. Rotarians, be patriotic! Learn to shoot yourself -- from the Chicago
Rotary Club journal Gyrator
 959. RSPCA Fights Motorbikes For Hamsters -- Daily Telegraph
 960. Russia Unsure of Where Fugitive Is -- AP headline
 961. Russian Troops Tell Of Invisible Enemy -- Guardian.
 962. Russia's Economic Woes Outweigh The Universe -- Guardian
 963. Russia's Statistics Boss Accused of Fraud
 964. S. Africa Battles Invasion Of Alien Water-Snatchers -- Daily Yomiuri
 965. S. Florida Illegal Aliens Cut In Half By New Law
 966. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
 967. Saints Overrun Hapless Halifax -- Guardian.
 968. Salesman Says He Left, 4 Large Rings In Malden Bathtub
 969. Sand Found On Beach Shocker -- Hartlepool Mail
 970. Santa Accused of Slapping Child -- Reuters
 971. Santa Gives Jesus The Sack -- Guardian
 972. Santa Rosa Man Denies He Commited Suicide In South San Francisco
 973. 'Santa' Steals Painkiller From Drug Store -- AP headline
 974. Saudi Takes Four Wives in One Night to Spite His Ex -- AFP headline
 975. Save My Life And I'll Sue You, Warned Suicide Note -- Daily Telegraph
 976. Save Streams, Fish Head Warns -- Bainbridge (GA) Review
 977. Saving The Whale From Space -- BBC News Online
 978. Scared of Y2K? Head for a Nuclear Reactor -- Reuters headline
 979. Scent Foul Play In Death Of Man Found Bound And Hanged
 980. School Praised After Vandalism -- West Briton
 981. School Says Boy in Drag Can't Be Queen -- Reuters headline
 982. Science Confirms: Politicians Lie -- Reuters headline
 983. Scientists Find "Cure" For Sex-Change Fish -- Evening Standard (London)
 984. Scientists Grow Human Arms And Legs On Trees! - People & Places (Ghana)
 985. Scientists Hoping To Grow Their Own Livers -- Daily Record
 986. Scientists See Quakes In L.A. Future -- The Oregonian, January 28
 987. Scientists To Have Ford's Ear
 988. [Indian] Scientists Use Radiation to Cure Flatulence -- Reuters
 989. Scots Experts To Help Georgia's Rural Economy -- The Scotsman
 990. Scottish Scientists Plan Search For Laziness Gene -- Reuters headline
 991. Senate Passes Death Penalty Measure Provides For Electrocution For
All Persons Over 17
 992. Senators Maintain Their Hold On Devils -- Newark (NJ) Star Ledger
 993. Seven Foreigners, Seven Locals Up Each Other At Wotulu Memorial --
Inodnesioan Observer
 994. Severed Hand Saved By Peas -- The Sun
 995. Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training
 996. Sex Scandal Vicar Seeks New Position
 997. Sex Up and Down after September 11 -- Reuters headline
 998. Shark Dies Biting Man
 999. Sharks Gored In Bullring -- Sunday Times (Johannesburg)
1000. Shell Found on Beach -- (Brighton Argus, UK)
1001. Sheep Answers Monk's Prayer -- Darlington & Stockton Times
1002. Shirtless Woman Joyrides in Stolen Police Cruiser -- Denver Post
1003. Shooting Suspect Said Hot-Tempered -- AP headline
1004. Shops Put "In Peril By Flowers"
1005. Shot Man Mistaken For Feral Cat: Police
1006. Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus To 66
1007. Sick Skunks Overrun Massachusetts -- Lewiston (Me:) Sun Journal.
1008. Silent Bar Staff And Customers With Three Legs At Inn -- West Briton
1009. Silent Teamster Boss Gets Unusual Punishment, Lawyer
1010. Silicon Boys Have More Time to Look for Love -- AFP headline
1011. Six Take £8m Pot -- News Of The World
1012. Slave Sale Aids Charity -- Gloucester Echo
1013. Slow Progress For Rotting Estate Victims -- Glossop (Derbyshire)
1014. Small Town Celebrates "Toilet Fest" -- AP headline
1015. Smaller Families Recquire Less Food
1016. Smokers Are Productive, But Death Cuts Efficiency
1017. Smokers Have Odd Brains
1018. Snake Throws Master Into Cell
1019. Snake Venom Slows Breast Tumor Growth -- UPI headline
1020. Sneak Attack By Soviet Bloc Not Foreseen --The Atlanta Journal 4/4/79
1021. Snow Storms May Be Precursor of Winter -- AP headline
1022. Snowman Accused Of Indecency - Daily Telegraph
1023. Snowman Quits Top Opera Job -- Times
1024. Some People Have Been Gormless Since 1746 -- Daily Telegraph
1025. Some Phone Psychics Provide Useless, Erroneous Information
1026. Some Pieces Of Rock Hudson Sold At Auction
1027. Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Expert Says
1028. Soviet Virgin Lands Short Of Goal Again
1029. Spaniard Hits Girlfriend at Anti-Violence Rally
1030. Spaniards Study Inside of Ham
1031. Special Events Mark Domestic Violence Month -- Seattle
1032. Spiders Signed Up For Army
1033. Split Rears In Farmers' Movememt
1034. Spooked Elephants Riot At Suburban Mall
1035. Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
1036. Squirrel Ransacks House Looking For Peanuts -- D Telegraph.
1037. Squirrel Sleuth Cracks Robbery -- Reuters headline
1038. Squirrel Turns City Dark, Sets Grass Fire -- Ogden (Ut)
1039. Squirrels Eating Tokyo -- High Desert Advocate (West Wendover, Nevada).
1040. St Malo: Largest Amount Of Cannabis Ever Seized In Joint Operation
-- Jersey Evening Post
1041. Stabbing Doesn't Spoil Friendship
1042. Stadium Air Conditioning Fails - Fans Protest
1043. Staff Dig Deep For Children -- Gloucestershire Echo.
1044. Stampede For Compost
1045. State Will Poison Rivers So It Can Count Dead Fish
1046. Statistics Show That Teen Pregnancy Drops Off Significantly After
Age 25 -- Mary Ann Tebdo Republican Senator From Colorado Springs
1047. Steals Clock, Faces Time
1048. Stealth Fighter Crashes Into A Time Warp -- Irish Times.
1049. Steel-Eating Microbes Threaten To Devour Britain's Ports --
Independent On Sunday.
1050. Stephen King Impersonator Steals 5,000 Lobsters
1051. Sterilizations Solves Problems, For Pets, Owners
1052. Stiff Opposition Expected To Casketless Funeral Plan
1053. Stiff Opposition To Casketless Funeral Plan
1054. Stock Market Succumbs to Reality -- AP headline
1055. Stolen Painting Found By Tree
1056. Stop Strimming Hedgehogs -- Nottingham Evening Post
1057. Strawberry Charged Over Sex And Drugs -- Int. Herald Tribune,
1058. Strawberry Speaks Of Death Wish -- Int. Herald Tribune
1059. Straw's Pledge To Rape Victims -- Express
1060. Stretches Of M62 Have "Vanished" -- Huddersfield Daily Examiner
1061. Strike Over, Twinkie Shortage Ends -- AP headline
1062. Stud Tires Out
1063. Study Finds Broad Problems in Army
1064. Study Finds Sex, Pregnancy Link -- Cornell Daily Sun, December 7, 1995
1065. Study Links Menopause, Aging
1066. Study: Ape Herpes Viruses May Be Transmissible to Humans -- Reuters
1067. Study: Alcohol May Prevent Dementia -- AP headline
1068. Study: Depressed Women Live Longer -- AP headline
1069. Study: Drinking, Fainting Connected -- AP headline
1070. Study: Duct Tape Doesn't Seal Ducts -- AP headline
1071. Study: Ecstasy Causes Brain Damage -- AP headline
1072. Study: Gay Clergy Disregarding Church Ban On Celibacy
1073. Study: Narcissists are Dangerous
1074. Study: Obesity Can Shorten Lifespan -- AP headline
1075. Students Compete for Pillow Fight Record -- AP headline
1076. Substitute Teachers Seeking Respect -- AP headline
1077. Successful Heads May Be Shared -- Daily Telegraph
1078. Sues Bride Of 4 Mouths
1079. Suit Says Hospital Mistook Constipation For Cancer
1080. Summer Treat: Ice Cream "Isn't Health Food" -- Reuters headline
1081. Superheroes Make Kids Eat Fruit and Vegetables -- Reuters headline
1082. Surgery For Duck Hurt By Anglers Left Hook -- Jersey Evening Post
1083. Survey Finds Dirtier Subways After Cleaning Jobs Were Cut -- The New
York Times, November 22
1084. Survivor Of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
1085. Suspected Alien Boat Dodges Customs -- Brisbane Courier Mail.
1086. Suspected Bank Robber Leaves a Clue: Driver's License -- Houston
Chronicle headline
1087. Suspended MP Accused Of Telling A Hundred Lies -- The Guardian
1088. Swallowed Diamond Ring Shows Up as Evidence -- Reuters headline
1089. Swamp Thing Bedevils Police Station -- The Record (Hackensack New
1090. Swazi King, 2 Sons Poison Suspects
1091. Swedish Dentist Seizes Teeth in Payment Dispute
1092. Swedish Jet Hijacked By Bread Roll
1093. Swiss Hale Heroin Giveaway A Success -- Associated Press
1094. System Fails To Catch Hermaphrodite Cattle -- Irish Times
1095. TABLETS Viagra blamed for 69 deaths -- Ceefax News Page
1096. Tarmac Close To Merger With Aggregate -- Sunday Times
1097. Tarzan's Loincloth Hid A Big Swinger -- Sunday Times (South Africa).
1098. Tax Break For Hedgehogs -- Nottingham Evening Post.
1099. Tax Mooted For Flatulent Cows -- Brisbane (Aust) Sunday Mail.
1100. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
1101. Teen Girls Driving More Like Boys -- AP headline
1102. Teen-Age Girls Often Have Babies Fathered By Men -- The Sunday
Oregonian, September 24
1103. Tenant Failed To Give Notice Before Dying
1104. Tennessee Williams Brought To Life In A Unique Setting
1105. Tequila Helps Actress Take Her Clothes Off -- Reuters headline
1106. Termites Lay Siege To New Orleans -- Sunday Times (South Africa)
1107. Testicles On Sale -- The Nambian
1108. Texans Chip in to Rescue Stranded Chicken-Hypnotist -- Reuters headline
1109. Textron Inc. Makes Offer To Screw Company Stockholders - The Miami
1110. Thanks To President Clinton, Staff Sgt. Fruer Now Has A Son - The
Arkansas Plainsman
1111. The Correct Version Declares God Ambidextrous
1112. The Mad Hatter Saves Alice From Knifeman
1113. "The Pill" Might Prevent Acne Too -- AP headline
1114. The Queen Is A "Parrot" Says Paisley -- Daily Telegraph
1115. The Unknown Clouds Search for School Superintendent -- Louisville,
1116. There Can Be No Excuse For Drinking While Under The Influence Of
Alcohol -- Hull Daily Mail
1117. There May Be Diamonds in Planets -- AP headline
1118. They Came They Saw... Swindon --Western Daily Press
1119. Thief Nabbed Returning for Ass -- UPI headline
1120. Thieves Steal 8 Tons of Spa Mud -- AP headline
1121. Thomas the Tank Engine Discovered Driving Taxi -- Reuters headline
1122. Thousands See Green Man -- North Devon Journal.
1123. Three in hospital after fresh Legionnaires' outbreak -- Ananova
1124. Three Wise Men Refused Visas By Saudi Arabia
1125. Thugs Eat Then Rob Proprietor
1126. Tigers Shoot Down Gunship -- Irish Tmes
1127. Time Machine Found In Brain
1128. Titanic Shipyard May Sack Workers -- AP headline
1129. Toad Stuck In Share Hole Despite High-Profile Signing -- Daily
1130. Toads Stop Play In Top Cricket Pub
1131. Tomatoes Come In Big, Little, Medium Sizes -- The Daily Progress,
Charlottesville, Virginia, March 30
1132. Tomorrow: Political Guru Ed Rollins At 9 AM
1133. Tony Blair Promises Parents The Right To Smack --Independent
1134. Too Much Homework is Bad for You, UK Academics Say -- Reuters headline
1135. Top Evangelist Caught Red-Handed With Nanny-Goat – People & Places
1136. Top Surgeon Is To Head New Body In Medical Ethics -- Evening Standard
1137. Top Terror Fugitive Hid from Police on Nudist Beach -- AP headline
1138. Tortoises Held Hostage As Lobster War Turns Nasty -- Independent
1139. Town To Drop School Bus, When Overpass Is Ready
1140. Towns Must Spend Big To Fight Alien Plans -- Boston Globe
1141. Toxic Waste Tour Planned
1142. Traffic Dead Rise Slowly
1143. Traffic Stop May Check Alien Status -- Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.
1144. Tragedy Of Mother Eaten By Maggots -- Mirror.
1145. Train Driver Temporarily Blinded by Exploding Pigeon -- PA headline
1146. Transsexuals Benefits Cut Off -- Highbury & Islington Express.
1147. Trapeze Artist Attacks Rival with Castration Tongs -- Reuters
1148. Trapped Dragons Are Blamed For Problems At New Hong Kong Airport --
Weekly Telegraph
1149. Trojan Is New EU Secretary-General -- Irish Times
1150. Trout Being Tempted By Extra-Terrestrials - Dudley Chronicle
1151. Tuna Biting Off Washington Coast
1152. Turkey Blamed For Appaling Driving
1153. Turkey Votes for Christmas -- Financial Times
1154. Tv Reporters Feel Pressure On Cha-Cha -- Philippine Dally Inquirer.
1155. TV Sets To Book Hols
1156. Twinkles Shortage Looms -- New York Dally News.
1157. Two Cars Were Reported Stolen By The Groveton Police Yesterday.
1158. Two Convicts Evade Noose Jury Hung
1159. Two One-Legged Inmates Skip Jail -- Reuters headline
1160. Two Sisters Reunited After Eighteen Years At Checkout Counter
1161. Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
1162. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
1163. U R Out: Man Fired by SMS -- Sydney (Australia) Morning Herald headline
1164. U.S. Army To Use 'Green' Tungsten Bullets -- Reuters headline
1165. U.S. Audit Finds Funds For Youth Misspent
1166. U.S. Diplomat Expelled from Cuban Dog Club, Dog Stays -- AFP headline
1167. U.S. Distances Itself From Haiti -- AP headline
1168. U.S. Food Service, Feeds Thousands, Grosses Millions
1169. U.S. Govt Heads For Shutdown, Blame Flies
1170. U.S. Workers Getting Pink Slips for Christmas
1171. USDA To Shift Testing Of Ready-To-Eat Meat Plants -- Cnn News
1172. Uganda Facing Condom Shortage -- AP headline
      Ugandans Enjoying the Good Life -- AP headline apparently unrelated
to the above which appeared the same day.
1173. UK Charter Aims To Improve Rights For The Dead -- British Medical
1174. UN Backs Dog Jailed For Killing Bishop -- Sunday Telegraph
1175. Unconscious Can 'Think' But Not About Popcorn
1176. Uncut Workers Better Survivors -- The Australian.
1177. Under Pressure at Work? Get a Life-- Reuters headline
1178. Undergrads Flunk Sperm Bank Tests -- Straits Times Singapore)
1179. Underwater Church Rescue
1180. Unexpected Trees Jump The Gun On Playing Place Roundabouts -- West
Briton (Cornwall).
1181. Unicorn Safe Thanks To Cash
1182. Unusual Millennium Parties Planned -- AP headline
1183. Urgent Plea For "Flying Lollipop" Patrols -- Cornish Guardian
1184. Use Of Heroin Shooting Up -- Huntingdon Town Crier
1185. Van In Pork Pie Ambush -- Newcastle Journal
1186. Vegetables Start Talking To Professor
1187. Viagra to Raise Sri Lanka Troop Morale -- AFP headline
1188. Victim Tied, Nude Policeman Testifies
1189. Victim's Family Didn't Need Another Death -- Rocky Mountain News
1190. Vietnam Elects Dead Man To Politburo
1191. Virgins Are Discovered In Essex
1192. Voting Down but Political Humor Up -- AP headline
1193. VW Beetle Starts up After Being Buried for 10 Years -- PA headline
1194. W.I To Remove Jam From Toilets
1195. Wachtler Tells Graduates That Life In Jail Is Demeaning -- The
Buffalo News, February 26
1196. Wang Ousts 'Nutcracker' for Next Year -- Boston Globe headline
1197. Wanted: Suitable Position for Disoriented Indian Maharaja
1198. War Dims Hope For Peace
1199. Watchdog Gets A New Head -- Luton Times.
1200. Water Missing In The Middle Of The Sea -- Guardian
1201. Waves Of Chaos Wash Over Road -- Walthamstow (London) Guardian
1202. We All Hope And Pray For Peach In Northen Ireland
1203. We Think Rain Caused The Floods, Says Thames Water -- Newbury &
Thatcham Chronicle
1204. We Will Sell Gasoline To Anyone In A Glass Container.
1205. Website For Penguins -- Western Dally Press.
1206. Week Ends Month of China Relations -- AP headline
1207. Weekly Sex May Prevent Colds and Flu --study -- Reuters headline
1208. Weird and Wacky Reigned Supreme in 2003 -- Reuters headline
1209. "Weirdos" Will Visit Cornwall -- West Briton
1210. Welfare Exorcises 70,000 Ghosts -- Johannesburg Star.
1211. Westinghouse Will Buy Infinity For $3.9 Billion
1212. We've Rescued A Deer (We Found It In A Tree)
1213. Whale Flatulence Stuns Scientists -- Sydney (Australia) Telegraph
1214. Whatever Their Motives, Moms Who Kill Kids Still Shock Us -- Holland
Sentinal, date unknown
1215. When Doctors Smoked and Hair Was Lacquered -- New York Times headline
1216. When Ebola and HIV Are Your Friends -- AFP headline
1217. When Elephants Ruled... Hackney -- Times
1218. White Flower Two Day Sale-(Friday Only)
1219. Whoopee? Oopsie! Honk If the Dealership Used Your Car for Sex -- St.
Petersburg (Fla.) Times headline
1220. Why Americans Love to Hate Government -- Reuters headline
1221. Why Tarts Are Big In Telford -- Irish Times.
1222. Wife Drowns In Kitchen While Looking For Food
1223. Wife Forgives Killer Elephant -- Melbourne Herald-Sun
1224. Wife Regrets Staying With Man She Killed
1225. Wife Stabs Husband After He Brings Her Bouquets -- Reuters headline
1226. Wild Wife League Will Meet Tonight
1227. Wildcat's Garbage Puzzles County Board --Berlin Reporter
1228. William Kelly, 87, Was Fed Secretary
1229. Windows 95 Were For Houses, Thief Belived -- Irish Times
1230. Winner Dies in Russian 'Vodka Marathon,' Five Runners-up
Hospitalised -- AFP headline
1231. Wolves In Complex Bid For Brewer -- Guardian.
1232. Woman Accused Of Giving Bears Ice Cream -- Las Vegas Review-Journal
1233. Woman Beats Off Rapist -- Daily Mail
1234. Woman Fights Giant Radish -- Johannesburg Citizen.
1235. Woman Fined for Not Giving 30-day Notice Before Dying -- Fitchburg
(Mass.) Sentinel and Enterprise headline
1236. Woman Flushes Toilet, Then Catches Fire -- Rocky Mountain News
1237. Woman From Mars Says Nothing -- Leyton (London) Guardian
1238. Woman Gives Birth to Tortoise (Metro, UK)
1239. Woman Hit Twice By Same Car in 24 Hours -- Reuters headline
1240. Woman Is Pregnant Thanks To Her Sister
1241. Woman Rents House But Complains About Corpse
1242. Woman Scolded For Killing Husband
1243. Woman Swims 12 Miles After Sinking -- Irish Times
1244. Woman Tries to Give Away Dad on Internet -- AP headline
1245. Woman Uses Breasts as Bird's Nest -- Reuters headline
1246. Woman Was Left A "Monster" -- Irish Times
1247. Woman with Two Wombs Gives Birth to Twins -- Reuters headline
1248. Woman's Body Found In Cemetery -- Lancashire Evening Post
1249. Women Bowlers Vote To Keep Their Skirts On -- Sunday Telegraph.
1250. Women's Movement Called More Broad-Based
1251. Work Starts On New Zebra -- Bridlington Free Press.
1252. Workers Down Tools at Viagra Factory Over Hard Helmets -- GMB union
circular regarding a health and safety dispute
1253. World Rubber Body Unlikely to Make Major Changes
1254. Worry On Educaion -- Express & Star
1255. Would She Climb To The Top Of Mr. Everest Again? Absolutely! -- The
Houston Chronicle
1256. Wrecks Blamed On Carelessness -- AP Headline
1257. X Marks the Spot as Dog Finds Buried Owner -- Reuters headline
1258. X-ray Confirms Snake Swallowed Dog -- AP headline
1259. Y2K Crisis Center: What To Do? -- AP headline
1260. Yellow Snow Tested For Nutrition
1261. Yeltsin Promises To Stay In Space -- Irish Times
1262. Yes, I'd Like To Be Castrated, Please -- Kansas City Star
1263. Yeti Teaching Students Valuable Lessons
1264. You Can't Buy Love, but Euro Brings Cheaper Sex -- Reuters headline
1265. You Can't Help Being a Grumpy Old Sourpuss, It's How Your Brain Is
-- London Observer headline
1266. You Want To Be Buried on the Moon? -- AP headline
1267. Young Encouraged to Worship Bodies, Not Brains - Head -- PA headline
1268. Youngsters Catapulted Back Into The Roman Era -- Newcastle Journal
1269. Youth Found In Call Box With Fork -- South Devon Herald Express
1270. Your Chance to Spend More Time in Public Toilets -- Reuters headline
1271. Yo-Yo Thefts Rising in Singapore
1272. Zookeepers Suspended for Eating Animals -- Reuters headline
1273. Zoo Rescues Tom Thumb -- Metro (London)

Many thanks to Richard Edkins, Jon Hall, B G Dorgan and Hawkmoon for
submitting quite a few headlines, Andy from Seagate for the trash
compacter story, Colin Matthews, Mike Wilson, Jennifer Woodmansee, Newt,
Dave Monk, David Cook, Lynda Featherstone, John McBride for informing me
of my Googlewhack "Malaysian Gyrator" [ GoogleWhack ], Anna Tickle

Special thanks to [ Randy Cassingham ]
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