Duels - Ghetto Style

Tue May 18 19:09:23 2004

Pies are very ghetto.

We all remember the pie-ing of Rip Off Ralph Macelroy by Bob
Vennell.

And the pie throwing machine.

Jon Ford doesn't come east very often, he's never been to a
reunion and he hasn't visited his father in many years in situ
(my next door neighbor).

So who are the contestants?

Maryjane Price has poisonally invited me to her party. Waly
the Weasel usually goes to them. I seen the W in front of me
exiting the public library a few months ago and i noticed him
noticing me. he did not Tary for a confrontation and failing
any play on my last name from his lips EYE certainly wouldnt
think to make a move. however if, at the party, i hear him do
numbers on my last name, i should hope i respond honorably
and kick his ass and not with pies.

likewise anyone else. for some reason someone forwarded
an email from Simmons in which he referred to me as
Eisenswine. Simmons seems in good shape (I saw him
recently at the Red River Motors yard party) but he did
not approach or greet me nor I him.

so i should expect to see Simmons and the Weasel at
the Reunion but it is a large venue and im sure they will
avoid me as i will avoid them.

Wayne, you've never been to a Reunion. it's not a pie
throwing friendly scene. lovely long lawn sloping down
to the river where there is a tiny dock for fishing or
going swimming from, long porch facing the river where
the musicians set up their amplifiers and microphones.
you should come.

----- Original Message -----
From: Wayne Johnson
To: austin-ghetto-list@pairlist.net
Sent: Tuesday, May 18, 2004 6:31 AM
Subject: Duels - Ghetto Style

Gentlemen, gentlemen....gentlemen.

Why not settle this (rather silly) thing the Olde Fashioned Way!   With a
duel.  Considering the utter absurdity of any actual fight.
(Paranthetically, I have met Jon, Mike, and he is on the largish size;
however, whatever his faults may I really, really doubt that he will
actually be breaking down any doors.  He might throw some poetry magazines
at them.  Something similar. wj)

Back to dueling.  The most time honored Austin-of-the-Early-Sixties means
would obviously be: pies.  Creamy, fat pies with lots of meringue (and no
metal pie tins).  He who most completely covers his opponent from say,
twenty feet, would be declared winner and receive an appropriate certificate
(which I would be happy to provide) as being a Really Larry Pie-in-the-Eye
of the Philip K. Dick rank, etc.  This approach guarantees lots of audience
approval, gets the old glands a-going...for a moment...and harms no one.

Much beer and salty munchies could be sold on the sidelines by scantily clad
volunteers from the Ghetto.  (Notice: no mention of gender here.  We be PC.)

I think music should be provided.  Bagpipes?  Fiddles?  Tin Whistles?
Gut-buckets?  The mind boggles at the premise.  Or promise.

Don Taylor, if he is there, would be a great MC.  Or Clark, especially in a
rented Tux.  Or owned tux. Or Bo tux.  Whatever.   Bob Simmons could do the
play by play or pie by pie.

Let us thimk outside da box, people!

Rev. B.
----- Original Message -----
From: Jon Ford
To: austin-ghetto-list@pairlist.net
Sent: Monday, May 17, 2004 5:03 PM
Subject: RE: in the matter of Jon Ford: the malice of someone ya never met
not even in the 60's

Extremely strange letter, Michael! I can see you have trouble telling a joke
from an actual threat or a denial of the reality of election day. Your
portrait of yourself huddling timorously in your apartment with an iron pipe
in hand is frightening-- prozac might help, but probably not strong enough
in your case.
Jon

>From: "Michael Eisenstadt" <michaele@ando.pair.com>
>Reply-To: austin-ghetto-list@pairlist.net
>To: <austin-ghetto-list@pairlist.net>
>Subject: in the matter of Jon Ford: the malice of someone ya never met not
even in the 60's
>Date: Mon, 17 May 2004 09:15:09 -0600
>
>I am assuming that the Reunion hasn't a firm date yet. Connie had
>said at the Red River motors yard party that it would be around
>Memorial day. Maryann's email to the list definitely establishes
>that it is at her house.
>
>as for my bout with Waly the W that is still on. it is all a question
>of anger management. focus anger on an opponent and get and
>stay angry, that I believe is the approved prefight ascesis.
>
>and as for geriatric harmlessness, that alas is not true either;
>just read News of the Wierd: 85 year olds picking up a length
>of pipe and beating someone to death, happens all the time.
>
>at one point in the past Jon in an off list email to me signaled his
>intention to come east and severely beat me about. now i would
>be easy for him to find as i happen to live next door to his dad.
>his sincerity of intention seemed to me at the time very palpable
>so i bethought of how i might protect myself not being a gun
>owner. we have a wicked big cutting knife in the kitchen but
>never having wielded it in self-defense, I would have to wonder
>if it would be the right tool: Jon's dad is an elderly gent (more
>elderly than me i mean) around 6' 3". the REAL Jon i don't
>doubt is much bigger.
>
>i then had the aha! moment. stacked in the bedroom with the
>other camera gear was/is a 3 foot steel pipe which goes with a
>camera copy stand. should i see him through the window
>i would have enough time to retrieve it and position myself
>next to the door while he was presumably breaking through
>it. this made me feel ever so much safer at least while i
>stayed indoors. as for venturing out for that i'd have to figure
>out something else
>
>Jon who is now officially retired (we learn) has lots of time for
>anger ascesis. sitting in the living room imagining his small
>enemy (me) losing in a fistfight with Waly (about my size
>and weight; W went out the door of the library in front of me
>some months ago so i got a chance to briefly scrutinize him)
>sends Jon to the keyboard to question whether there really
>was an Austin election on Saturday on May 15. Perhaps i
>was inventing its existence to avoid a painful humiliation in
>a fist fight in a flurry of blows which he could well imagine.
>
>Still and all it got Jon off: like watching a touchdown on the
>tube, eh big fella? catharsis is the school room term when
>it's in literature, katechsis of affect for Freudians or, more
>vulgarly, getting your nuts off.
>
>