Duels - Ghetto Style
Wayne Johnson
austin-ghetto-list@pairlist.net
Tue May 18 08:58:32 2004
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Gentlemen, gentlemen....gentlemen.
Why not settle this (rather silly) thing the Olde Fashioned Way! With =
a duel. Considering the utter absurdity of any actual fight. =
(Paranthetically, I have met Jon, Mike, and he is on the largish size; =
however, whatever his faults may I really, really doubt that he will =
actually be breaking down any doors. He might throw some poetry =
magazines at them. Something similar. wj)
Back to dueling. The most time honored Austin-of-the-Early-Sixties =
means would obviously be: pies. Creamy, fat pies with lots of meringue =
(and no metal pie tins). He who most completely covers his opponent =
from say, twenty feet, would be declared winner and receive an =
appropriate certificate (which I would be happy to provide) as being a =
Really Larry Pie-in-the-Eye of the Philip K. Dick rank, etc. This =
approach guarantees lots of audience approval, gets the old glands =
a-going...for a moment...and harms no one. =20
Much beer and salty munchies could be sold on the sidelines by scantily =
clad volunteers from the Ghetto. (Notice: no mention of gender here. =
We be PC.)
I think music should be provided. Bagpipes? Fiddles? Tin Whistles? =
Gut-buckets? The mind boggles at the premise. Or promise.=20
Don Taylor, if he is there, would be a great MC. Or Clark, especially =
in a rented Tux. Or owned tux. Or Bo tux. Whatever. Bob Simmons =
could do the play by play or pie by pie. =20
Let us thimk outside da box, people!
Rev. B.
----- Original Message -----=20
From: Jon Ford=20
To: austin-ghetto-list@pairlist.net=20
Sent: Monday, May 17, 2004 5:03 PM
Subject: RE: in the matter of Jon Ford: the malice of someone ya never =
met not even in the 60's
Extremely strange letter, Michael! I can see you have trouble telling =
a joke from an actual threat or a denial of the reality of election day. =
Your portrait of yourself huddling timorously in your apartment with an =
iron pipe in hand is frightening-- prozac might help, but probably not =
strong enough in your case.=20
Jon
=20
>From: "Michael Eisenstadt" <michaele@ando.pair.com>=20
>Reply-To: austin-ghetto-list@pairlist.net=20
>To: <austin-ghetto-list@pairlist.net>=20
>Subject: in the matter of Jon Ford: the malice of someone ya never =
met not even in the 60's=20
>Date: Mon, 17 May 2004 09:15:09 -0600=20
>=20
>I am assuming that the Reunion hasn't a firm date yet. Connie had=20
>said at the Red River motors yard party that it would be around=20
>Memorial day. Maryann's email to the list definitely establishes=20
>that it is at her house.=20
>=20
>as for my bout with Waly the W that is still on. it is all a question =
>of anger management. focus anger on an opponent and get and=20
>stay angry, that I believe is the approved prefight ascesis.=20
>=20
>and as for geriatric harmlessness, that alas is not true either;=20
>just read News of the Wierd: 85 year olds picking up a length=20
>of pipe and beating someone to death, happens all the time.=20
>=20
>at one point in the past Jon in an off list email to me signaled his=20
>intention to come east and severely beat me about. now i would=20
>be easy for him to find as i happen to live next door to his dad.=20
>his sincerity of intention seemed to me at the time very palpable=20
>so i bethought of how i might protect myself not being a gun=20
>owner. we have a wicked big cutting knife in the kitchen but=20
>never having wielded it in self-defense, I would have to wonder=20
>if it would be the right tool: Jon's dad is an elderly gent (more=20
>elderly than me i mean) around 6' 3". the REAL Jon i don't=20
>doubt is much bigger.=20
>=20
>i then had the aha! moment. stacked in the bedroom with the=20
>other camera gear was/is a 3 foot steel pipe which goes with a=20
>camera copy stand. should i see him through the window=20
>i would have enough time to retrieve it and position myself=20
>next to the door while he was presumably breaking through=20
>it. this made me feel ever so much safer at least while i=20
>stayed indoors. as for venturing out for that i'd have to figure=20
>out something else=20
>=20
>Jon who is now officially retired (we learn) has lots of time for=20
>anger ascesis. sitting in the living room imagining his small=20
>enemy (me) losing in a fistfight with Waly (about my size=20
>and weight; W went out the door of the library in front of me=20
>some months ago so i got a chance to briefly scrutinize him)=20
>sends Jon to the keyboard to question whether there really=20
>was an Austin election on Saturday on May 15. Perhaps i=20
>was inventing its existence to avoid a painful humiliation in=20
>a fist fight in a flurry of blows which he could well imagine.=20
>=20
>Still and all it got Jon off: like watching a touchdown on the=20
>tube, eh big fella? catharsis is the school room term when=20
>it's in literature, katechsis of affect for Freudians or, more=20
>vulgarly, getting your nuts off.=20
>=20
>=20
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<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>Gentlemen, =
gentlemen....gentlemen.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>Why not settle this (rather silly) =
thing the Olde=20
Fashioned Way! With a duel. Considering the utter =
absurdity of=20
any actual fight. (Paranthetically, I have met Jon, Mike, and he is on =
the=20
largish size; however, whatever his faults may I really, really doubt =
that he=20
will actually be breaking down any doors. He might throw some =
poetry=20
magazines at them. Something similar. wj)</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>Back to dueling. The most time =
honored=20
Austin-of-the-Early-Sixties means would obviously be: pies. =
Creamy, fat=20
pies with lots of meringue (and no metal pie tins). He who most =
completely=20
covers his opponent from say, twenty feet, would be declared winner and =
receive=20
an appropriate certificate (which I would be happy to provide) as being =
a Really=20
Larry Pie-in-the-Eye of the Philip K. Dick rank, etc. This =
approach=20
guarantees lots of audience approval, gets the old glands a-going...for =
a=20
moment...and harms no one. </FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>Much beer and salty munchies could be =
sold on the=20
sidelines by scantily clad volunteers from the Ghetto. (Notice: no =
mention=20
of gender here. We be PC.)</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>I think music should be provided. =
Bagpipes? Fiddles? Tin Whistles? Gut-buckets? =
The mind=20
boggles at the premise. Or promise. </FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>Don Taylor, if he is there, would be a =
great=20
MC. Or Clark, especially in a rented Tux. Or owned tux. Or =
Bo=20
tux. Whatever. Bob Simmons could do the play by play =
or pie by=20
pie. </FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>Let us thimk outside da box, =
people!</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>Rev. B.</FONT></DIV>
<BLOCKQUOTE=20
style=3D"PADDING-RIGHT: 0px; PADDING-LEFT: 5px; MARGIN-LEFT: 5px; =
BORDER-LEFT: #000000 2px solid; MARGIN-RIGHT: 0px">
<DIV style=3D"FONT: 10pt arial">----- Original Message ----- </DIV>
<DIV=20
style=3D"BACKGROUND: #e4e4e4; FONT: 10pt arial; font-color: =
black"><B>From:</B>=20
<A title=3Djonmfordster@hotmail.com =
href=3D"mailto:jonmfordster@hotmail.com">Jon=20
Ford</A> </DIV>
<DIV style=3D"FONT: 10pt arial"><B>To:</B> <A=20
title=3Daustin-ghetto-list@pairlist.net=20
=
href=3D"mailto:austin-ghetto-list@pairlist.net">austin-ghetto-list@pairli=
st.net</A>=20
</DIV>
<DIV style=3D"FONT: 10pt arial"><B>Sent:</B> Monday, May 17, 2004 5:03 =
PM</DIV>
<DIV style=3D"FONT: 10pt arial"><B>Subject:</B> RE: in the matter of =
Jon Ford:=20
the malice of someone ya never met not even in the 60's</DIV>
<DIV><BR></DIV>
<DIV>
<DIV class=3DRTE>
<P>Extremely strange letter, Michael! I can see you have trouble =
telling a=20
joke from an actual threat or a denial of the reality of election day. =
Your=20
portrait of yourself huddling timorously in your apartment with an =
iron pipe=20
in hand is frightening-- prozac might help, but probably not strong =
enough in=20
your case. </P>
<P>Jon</P>
<P><BR><BR> </P></DIV>
<DIV></DIV>>From: "Michael Eisenstadt" <<A=20
href=3D"mailto:michaele@ando.pair.com">michaele@ando.pair.com</A>>=20
<DIV></DIV>>Reply-To: austin-ghetto-list@pairlist.net=20
<DIV></DIV>>To: <austin-ghetto-list@pairlist.net>=20
<DIV></DIV>>Subject: in the matter of Jon Ford: the malice of =
someone ya=20
never met not even in the 60's=20
<DIV></DIV>>Date: Mon, 17 May 2004 09:15:09 -0600=20
<DIV></DIV>>=20
<DIV></DIV>>I am assuming that the Reunion hasn't a firm date yet. =
Connie=20
had=20
<DIV></DIV>>said at the Red River motors yard party that it would =
be around=20
<DIV></DIV>>Memorial day. Maryann's email to the list definitely=20
establishes=20
<DIV></DIV>>that it is at her house.=20
<DIV></DIV>>=20
<DIV></DIV>>as for my bout with Waly the W that is still on. it is =
all a=20
question=20
<DIV></DIV>>of anger management. focus anger on an opponent and get =
and=20
<DIV></DIV>>stay angry, that I believe is the approved prefight =
ascesis.=20
<DIV></DIV>>=20
<DIV></DIV>>and as for geriatric harmlessness, that alas is not =
true=20
either;=20
<DIV></DIV>>just read News of the Wierd: 85 year olds picking up a =
length=20
<DIV></DIV>>of pipe and beating someone to death, happens all the =
time.=20
<DIV></DIV>>=20
<DIV></DIV>>at one point in the past Jon in an off list email to me =
signaled his=20
<DIV></DIV>>intention to come east and severely beat me about. now =
i would=20
<DIV></DIV>>be easy for him to find as i happen to live next door =
to his=20
dad.=20
<DIV></DIV>>his sincerity of intention seemed to me at the time =
very=20
palpable=20
<DIV></DIV>>so i bethought of how i might protect myself not being =
a gun=20
<DIV></DIV>>owner. we have a wicked big cutting knife in the =
kitchen but=20
<DIV></DIV>>never having wielded it in self-defense, I would have =
to wonder=20
<DIV></DIV>>if it would be the right tool: Jon's dad is an elderly =
gent=20
(more=20
<DIV></DIV>>elderly than me i mean) around 6' 3". the REAL Jon i =
don't=20
<DIV></DIV>>doubt is much bigger.=20
<DIV></DIV>>=20
<DIV></DIV>>i then had the aha! moment. stacked in the bedroom with =
the=20
<DIV></DIV>>other camera gear was/is a 3 foot steel pipe which goes =
with a=20
<DIV></DIV>>camera copy stand. should i see him through the window=20
<DIV></DIV>>i would have enough time to retrieve it and position =
myself=20
<DIV></DIV>>next to the door while he was presumably breaking =
through=20
<DIV></DIV>>it. this made me feel ever so much safer at least while =
i=20
<DIV></DIV>>stayed indoors. as for venturing out for that i'd have =
to=20
figure=20
<DIV></DIV>>out something else=20
<DIV></DIV>>=20
<DIV></DIV>>Jon who is now officially retired (we learn) has lots =
of time=20
for=20
<DIV></DIV>>anger ascesis. sitting in the living room imagining his =
small=20
<DIV></DIV>>enemy (me) losing in a fistfight with Waly (about my =
size=20
<DIV></DIV>>and weight; W went out the door of the library in front =
of me=20
<DIV></DIV>>some months ago so i got a chance to briefly scrutinize =
him)=20
<DIV></DIV>>sends Jon to the keyboard to question whether there =
really=20
<DIV></DIV>>was an Austin election on Saturday on May 15. Perhaps i =
<DIV></DIV>>was inventing its existence to avoid a painful =
humiliation in=20
<DIV></DIV>>a fist fight in a flurry of blows which he could well =
imagine.=20
<DIV></DIV>>=20
<DIV></DIV>>Still and all it got Jon off: like watching a touchdown =
on the=20
<DIV></DIV>>tube, eh big fella? catharsis is the school room term =
when=20
<DIV></DIV>>it's in literature, katechsis of affect for Freudians =
or, more=20
<DIV></DIV>>vulgarly, getting your nuts off.=20
<DIV></DIV>>=20
<DIV></DIV>>=20
<DIV></DIV></DIV><BR clear=3Dall>
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