[Wonderful Labs] HERE COMES THE WONDER

[Wonderful Labs]

Dear Mr. Wonderful,

	I recently caught the bouquet at a wedding.  Well, really did more of 
a slide and grab.  Not being a sentimentalist, I usually toss bouquets 
the day after I catch them.  However, this time around, various friends 
are encouraging me to dry it, stick it in a box, give it back to the 
bride after 20 years and other such things.  I'm torn.  What would you 
recommend I do with the bouquet, Mr. Wonderful?

Ever yours,
Weedy
____________
Dear Yogi Berra,

	Listen sister, just how many bouquets have you caught?  Enough to have 
a "usual" technique for disposing of them, it seems.  Are you some sort 
of serial petal plucker?  Do you "usually" elbow old ladies in the 
chest and trip up debutantes with a kung fu swing kick in a ruthless 
grab for your flowery prize?  And if not, why not?

	Did you know that the Wedding Bouquet once represented the bride's 
Virtue?  By tossing it into the crowd she symbolically let everyone 
know that *that* bullshit was over. The lucky maiden who caught the 
flowers therefore had a "double-maidenhead" and could fool around with 
the caterer's son that evening.

	As for you, you should think about the future.  What if Godzilla 
strikes in five years?  You'll look pretty silly with your box of dried 
up leaves then.  No, the thing to do is have the bouquet pulped and 
turned into fine journal paper, then record all your most intimate 
dreams and aspirations onto it with the finest pen you have ever owned. 
  Burn the journal, and use the ashes to bake a cake.  Eat the cake with 
twelve friends you trust.  That night, you will dream of an Indian 
restaurant where the waiters have no trousers, but the menus are very 
large.

	I forget what the point was, but listen -  Next time, be sure to use 
those hands to grab something substantial, like a busboy, or a second 
cousin you're never going to see again.


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--
	"Once secure in office he declared himself Emperor, shutting
	himself away from the populace.  Soon he was controlled by
	the very assistants and boot-lickers he had appointed to high	office, 
and the cries of the people for justice did not reach his ears."

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	"Star Wars: From the Adventures of Luke Skywalker" (1976)

Exploding Stars
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