[Wonderful Labs] The Berry Best of Wonderful

[Wonderful Laboratories]

*********** Mister Wonderful remains ensconced in his tin tower, tapping
out propaganda designed to make him Emperor of the Winkies, but there's
no reason you, beautiful *you*, can't enjoy a ha-ha today.  Here's a
past Wonderful to occupy your mind as you search for it.


-------- Original Message --------
Subject: SAY IT WONDERFUL
Date: Tue, 12 Oct 1999 

Dear Mr Wonderfu**,

	Why do we pronounce LL as Y in Spanish?  What about TH as Z in German? 
GN as N in english?  In fact, who made somebody "God" in each written
language to determine how things are spelled at all?

sined,
Gone GHOTI-ing
___________________
Dear Fonix Lad,

	The answer to all your queries may be summed up thus: Syphilitic Monks.

	Increasingly insane, frequently drunk, consumed by forbidden passions
and dark yearnings, for centuries the Europeans let *these*
skirt-wearing yahoos maintain a monopoly on the written word.  The
non-inheiriting, non-marriable last sons of the inbred nobility, the
best part of whom dried up on their mommas' chastity belts, were charged
with copying, preserving and spreading literature throughout the
civilized world.  What did they frigging expect?

	Even if it weren't for the arrogant power-mad sexual deviants making
random and bizarre mistakes into canon with abandon, spelling still
would have gone astray simply by virtue of the monk's remoteness. 
Spoken languages evolve trippingly, whilst writing takes on grave
permanence.  "Rough" may once have been pronounced as "Rogue" (as indeed
their meanings hint), but time softened the English tongue; the letters
have not yet caught up.

	But rejoice!  With the Rennaissance, it was soon the purview of
syphilitic laymen to play monkey balls with spelling.  With the
increased availablity of antibiotics, we should soon have a sensible
spelling system in place... were it not for the dreaded menace of The
Dalí Llamas!


************************
TWAS BRILLIG AND THE SLITHY WONDERFUL DID GYRE
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-- 
The Unrepentant

	"Don't you go smarming me!  I'm fed up with you smarming
	at me smarmily as if you were Mister Smarm!"
		- Terry Pratchett