[Wonderful Labs] The Saga of the Best of Wonderful

[Wonderful Laboratories]

*********** Mister Wonderful, once again caught up in the whirlwind
machinations of young girl who's built like a brick road, sends you all
his love and very best butter.  Enjoy also this amazing winkle of
wisdom, penned just four short years ago...


-------- Original Message --------
Subject: THE WONDER STRIKES BACK
Date: Mon, 03 Jul 2000 

Mr. Wonderful,

	I was watching Star Wars a few days ago, and started thinking what I
would do if I had the Force. I decided that I would use the force to get
out of paying for anything. "Yes Mr. Gates, I think you'll be making a
large donation to the James Willis is broke fund." Or, "You don't need
to see my ID." (Plus I'd probably use it to pick up women. Float some
people around, maybe fly a little. It's a fact that women like guys that
can fly, look at David Copperfield.)

	So my question to you is this. What would Wonderful do if he had the
all powerful mojo of the Force?


James Willis.
___________________
Dear Mace "Bad Ass" Windu,

	Who says I don't already have the Force?

	You know, while researching for this query, we here at the Labs watched
a bit of "Star Wars: EPISODE IV - A NEW HOPE".  It struck us that the
Force seems more like a lounge act than anything useful, at least as
it's used by the good guys.  Vader's choking thing is pretty neat, and I
recall that later on the Emperor can shoot lightning bolts.  The Dark
Side has a lot going for it.  So what if it's going to dominate my
destiny, I get some cool threads and the *red* lightsaber.  Yeah, baby. 

	But here's my problem:  The Death Star, right, is this massive battle
station capable of destroying entire planets.  At the end of the film,
the rebels have fifteen minutes to blow it up before it zaps their base
on the fourth moon of Yavin.  They have this time because the Death Star
has to come around Yavin to get a clear shot, as shown in the clunky
graphic that Leia looks at.  So... Why didn't the Empire just use their
giant planet-killing beam on Yavin?  Just get it out of the way, then
take out the rebels.  Actually, the explosion itself, coupled with the
massive gravity disturbance, would be enough to throw the moon out of
orbit and kill every last one of those whining royalist scum.  Grand
Moff Tarkin - not too bright.

	In day to day life, I would mainly use the Force to open beer bottles
and start the charcoal grill.  The mind-control stuff only works on weak
minds, so it wouldn't do me any good with the interesting chicks.


**************************
THE WONDERFUL IS STRONG IN THIS ONE
**************************

-- 
Thought Pusher

	"I was king of the card tricks and she wore the jewels..."

		-Skeleton Key

http://www.dorothyofoz.net