[Wonderful Labs] The Kiss of the Best of Wonderful

[Wonderful Laboratories]

************ While it's true that you can never go home again, you can
still make sure they forward your mail... Mister Wonderful here, musing
on the bugs in the system and remembering old Alfred Kinsey (my second
favorite entomologist) as we putter on endlessly into the night.  Join
me, won't you?  in enjoying this multi-limbed Wonder from ages past...


-------- Original Message --------
Subject: HIVE OF WONDERFUL
Date: Tue, 18 Jan 2000 


Dear Misters,

	I have noticed a series of arthropod plagues in this apartment ever
since I moved in. First, a wave of earwigs swept through; then, the
dainty little roaches started tripping along the carpet; next, a swarm
of crickets did their jitterbug dance; a series of small black hunting
spiders peppered the walls after that, followed most recently by an
inexplicable grouping of houseflies on the walls, buzzing at me as I try
to read myself to sleep. Do I look to the Bible for guidance, or shall
the three Misters enlighten me as to the cause of these sporadic visitations?

Squirrel Grrrl
_______________
Dear Queen,

	At least they take turns.

	Which is more than you can say for Mister Dark and Mister Malice.

	A more cynical Mister might guess that the insects invade your home
just so they can get a dramatic write-up in a popular and influential
advice column.  You, madam, are the Supreme Mistress of Insect Prose, I
dare say.  Give National Geographic a call.

	Eschew the Bible, for this is the source of your plagues:  You are
sweet as Christmas candy.  Your skin flakes (shed at an amazing and
easily looked up rate which I am too far away from an encyclopedia to
confirm) attract the underground legions like nice black pants attract
cats.  Genetic mutation has made you the entomologic equivalent of a
Freeze-Pop, and all the little scarabs want a lick.  Learn to live with
it, I say.  Learn to live with your sweet self, your sugary goodness,
your glucose gestalt.

	Mister Wonderful, after all, has learned to live with *his* attractiveness.


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OHHH, THAT'S GOTTA WONDER
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-- 
Wisdom Pimp
http://www.livejournal.com/users/ideaspace/

	"I read, much of the night, and go south in the winter."

		-T.S. Eliot