[Wonderful Labs] A Crust of Old Best of Wonderful

[Wonderful Laboratories]

*********** Drink up me hearties, Yo Ovaltine.... Mister Wonderful here,
and while we may often find ourselves behind schedule, we're rarely
behind the times.  Tonight's reprint of a prescient piece of pop
pulchritude is *not* about Johnny Depp, but I think you should pretend
it was....



-------- Original Message --------
Subject: SHIVER ME WONDERFULS
Date: Tue, 23 Feb 1999 

Dear Mr. Oneder,

	Turns out my pirate boy has a massive cult following of hundreds, maybe
thousands of people (including many horny crazy young women).  He also
turned out to be the younger brother of the guy I ditched at my ninth
grade dance.  Pirate is dating a pretty blond girl who's not strikingly
gorgeous, but younger than I. Nevertheless, my wife (encouraging as
always), says I seem more intriguing than this Blondie character. 
Umm...how do I get pirate boy to drop everything, serenade me, and
invite me on his ship?

Love,
me
_______________
Dear Dubloon-head,

	I edited the gossipy, convoluted bits of your query, so you don't need
to worry about anyone knowing the details of your open relationships,
sexual deviancy, cutlass fetish, general ill-treatment of men,
untempered jealousy, social diseases, vanity or bad judgement.  

	Here's what you do to attract the attention of Captain Sexy:  dress as
a giant parrot.  Hop onto your man's shoulder at a party and start
squawking: "Arrh!  Pieces of eight!  Dump the whore! Squawk!"  Repeat as
necessary until they are broken up.  Then, when he has brought you back
to the ship as the new mascot, wait until he leaves his cabin, get out
of the cage, strip off the costume and slip naked into his bunk.  

	Works every time.



*********************
YO HO HO AND A BOTTLE OF WONDER
*********************

-- 
Bad-Ass Incarnate

************ http://misterw.home.mindspring.com/index3.html ***********

	"My brain I'll prove the female of my soul,
	My soul the father, and these two beget
	A generation of still-breeding thoughts;
	And these same thoughts people this little world,
	In humors like the people of this world...
	Thus play I in one person many people,
	And none contented..."

			-William Shakespeare, "Richard II"