[Wonderful Labs] A BRICK WONDER
Wonderful Laboratories
misterw@mindspring.com
Sat, 07 Aug 2004 02:39:12 -0700
Dear Mr. Wonderful,
I just found out that the weird, wild and wacko Rick James was found
dead today. Before the autopsy results are in, or a cocaine vial is
found near Mr. James head, I would like to know what you think Rick
James died of?
His publicist says that he died of natural causes... at age 56.
Thank you for your revelations into this matter,
#1 Fan
________________
Dear Charlie Murphy,
Look, I told the police, I told the FBI, and I'm telling you: I have
not seen Mister Dark or Mister Malice for at least three days, and I do
not know what they were giggling about when they left, nor do I know who
was in the mummy wraps on the slab, or what made the Erlenmeyer flask
full of sparkly purple "juice" sing in a child's voice like that as they
went out the door.
And I'll tell you what else I told Johnny Law: Don't you think those
homicidal dandies might be more interested in a little event that rhymes
with "Folympics"? I mean, D & M barely knew Rick James. Exchanged a
few letters while he was in Folsom, disposed of a couple litres of
evidence he needed taken care of, minor stuff like that. Acquaintances.
Wouldn't even recognize each other in a dark alley. Officer.
You do have to admit, though, that dying with pure Colombian White in
your veins and a Thai Horse stomping on your heart pretty much *is*
natural causes for a Super Freak. Cavemen get eaten by tigers, oysters
get swallowed by walruses, butterflies get squashed by time travelers,
and rock stars ingest too many refined plant products. It's just
nature's way.
Alas, I suspect that Rick James (,Bitch - courtesy Dave Chappelle) died
of a broken heart. All these years he had held out the hope that Andy
Kaufman would return, and tell him all was forgiven, but no. Kaufman
was truly dead, and Monsieur James, like any widower, faded into that
undiscovered country where all the houses are brick.
****************
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--
Mars Attacks
"She could've been a killer
if she didn't walk the way she do, and she do
She opened strange doors that we'd never close again."
- David Bowie,
"Scary Monsters (& Super Creeps)"
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