[Wonderful Labs] ALL THIS AND WONDER

[Wonderful Labs]

Dear Mr. W,

	My self-control has imploded and I've given in to each and every penis
enlargement solicitation I've received in the last year.  Don't ask me
why I've kept them all in my inbox all this time.  This morning, I
consumed the last nostrum and now my penis is so large, it now puts to
shame the immense dome Hitler intended to construct at the very heart of
Berlin.  This is not without its drawbacks:  While I have garnered
astounding popularity, I have had, among other things, to receive
massive infusions of blood just to fill the darn thing and the cost of
dermatological treatments to accommodate the rapid growth is rapidly
cleaning out my savings, not to mention upping my Blue Cross premiums. 
But there is another more severe problem than merely those.  You see, I
have also caved in to every Viagra offer in the same span of time and
now this amplified manroot is a hazard to air navigation--and there is
no beacon anywhere to be found on the thing.  A simple 767 will not
bring this tower down--in fact I don't know what will.  I'm not even
going to go into detail about the severely reduced atmospheric pressure
and ice buildup at the peak, or the discomfort of the scores of
becramponed mountaineers attempting to conquer the summit.  As a normal
American, I'm completely incapable of affixing any of the blame for this
horrendous situation to myself.  That being the case, who's responsible
for all this, then?  Spam?  Albert Speer?  Help!

Awaiting Absolution,
Rick "K3" Glounts
_____________________
Dear Glans Across America,

	You know who would find that story ironic?  Paul "The Axe Is A
Surrogate" Bunyan.

	When seeking someone to blame (and who are we kidding?  we mean *sue*),
it's important to go back to the source.  And the money.  Which is why I
think you'll find that the person responsible for your mammoth member is
the Greek Titan Prometheus, but your lawsuit should also name the Queen
of England.

	Prometheus stole fire from the gods and gave it to mankind.  Fire gives
us steam.  Steam gives us electricity.  Electricity gives us electronic
mail. E-mail gives you advertisements for penile growth, and penile
growth causes pain and suffering. Q.E.D.

	And of course, it goes without saying that the witchingly wealthy Queen
of England is, by her very nature, responsible for the English language
- and it was that crude thieves' cant that was used to lure you into
this engorged and throbbing hell.  


	Give my regards to the Grand Canyon.


***************
WONDERFUL LABS - In Space, No One Knows You Have Ice Cream
***************
Mister Wonderful Recommends: Magic words.  Magic words like, "Audio
Commentary by Joe Bob Briggs"

http://www.joebobbriggs.com/news.asp

-- 
Der Hexer

	"Nous voulons, tant ce feu nous brule le cerveau,
	Plonger au found du gouffre, Enfer ou Ciel, qu'importe?
	Au fond de l'Iconnu pour trouver du *nouveau*!"

		- Charles Baudelaire,
		"Les Fleurs du Mal"

See London!  See France!
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