[Wonderful Labs] KNOCKIN' ON WONDER'S DOOR

[Wonderful Labs]

Dear Mr. Wonderful-

	It's Halloween, and in the interest of the health and well being of the
little kiddies, I've been giving out dental floss to the
trick-or-treaters.  My girlfriend says that this is awful and stingy,
and that if I'm going to give them floss, I should at least give them a
whole box.  Even if I went with the cheap stuff, that's like, $3 per
kid!  No way can I afford that!

	What should I do next year to keep my relationship, bank account, and
sense of social accountability intact?

-D. Coombs
____________
Dear Dr. Teeth,

	As you may well know, children are not allowed within 500 feet of
Wonderful Laboratories.  Which is a pity, really, because Mister Monkey
was quite keen on picking up on your idea, being the socially-conscious
freakazoid primate that he is.  

	His plan was to import several fifty-gallon drums of Cuban tooth paste
(he knows a guy who can get it on the cheap, so long as you don't mind
picking tobacco flakes and the occasional, y'know, Cuban, out of your
dentifrice) and then ladle out dollops into the children's Halloween
bags with a trowel.

	"Ladling with a trowel?" said Mister Malice, "Have you gone mad?"

	Mister Dark paused in his puppy-juggling.  "At least he's not going to
try filming a video again.  Not unless he wants to go back to the Verb
Room....  Does our little banana licker want to visit the Verb Room and
see Mister Shake and Mister Spear?  I thought not."

	My point is this: Halloween is a dangerous holiday, for tricksters and
treaters alike.  Mister Wonderful's suggested ghostly giveaway for next
year's bacchanal of begging is tastefully wrapped sample packets of
low-calorie, non-sugared, happy-fun-giving Zoloft.  Yes, *Zoloft*, the
anti-depressant that zips your lip!  It's eeeeeeerily effective!

	Should your local doctor be unwilling to give you all 18,000 samples
he's been sent by Pfizer, the company that sells Zoloft, simply write
them a
letter explaining that you are a psychiatrist, or at least thinking of
taking courses in the field.  The truck should be backing up to your
door within hours.
	

*******************
WONDERFUL LABS - First To Isolate The Smirk Particle - Suck This, Fermions!
*******************
Mister Wonderful Recommends: Credible witches.

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=816&e=2&u=/ap/20031114/ap_on_re_us/prayer_lawsuit

http://www.gwu.edu/~folktale/GERM232/sleepingb/Nicks_base_page.html

http://www.kaaos.org/chaos/docs/oven_ready_chaos.pdf
-- 
Der Hexer

	"Flowers are the things we knew.
	Secrets are the things we grew.
	Learn from us very much.
	Look at us but do not touch.
	Phaedra is my name."

		- Lee Hazelwood,
		"Some Velvet Morning"

See London!  See France!
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