[Wonderful Labs] OR NOT TO WONDER

[Wonderful Labs]

Dear Mister Wonderful,

	Why is it that people think that Hamlet had the hots for his mom? 
Everyone discusses this, but I've never found any supporting stuff in
the play.  Is there a particular exchange where he goofs up and tells
Mom to get herself to a nunnery, or...?

Your Fan,
Osric ("A hit, a very palpable hit!")
______________
Dear Oh, Feel Ya,

	Well, you know, maybe it's because Hamlet's mom was a giant whore. 
Danish monarchs are famous for their indiscretions, but Slick Queen
Gertrude "The Brother Humper" really raised the bar when it came to
lowering the drawers.  

	Believe it.  They had to widen the archways at Elsinore Castle just to
get her legs through.  All the guards who worked her wing were issued
mercury treatments and earmuffs - you didn't have to hide in her closet
to know she was  doing it with anything warmer than fresh halibut.  That
woman had more meat stuffed in her than Roger Ebert at a Ham Festival.

	So it's natural, you see, to assume that all her complaining about
Hamlet, Jr.'s tongue may have been because he gave her a wretched rash. 
Plus, the boy *did* want to kill his father figure - I'm no
psychologist, but it seems to me that where there's smoke, there's a
cigarette being shared after Oedipal incest.

	Furthermore, let us not forget that WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE may be
anagrammed to "HAM LIKES RAW ALE PIES."  T.S. Eliot once said that this
means the Bard's plays were probably written by a three large badgers
and a piccolo player from Deptford.  Literary scientists say *that*
explains why Rosencrantz and Guildenstern show up as furriers in the bar
scene of Eliot's "The Waste Land."


*******************
WONDERFUL LABS - When We Think About You, We Touch Our Elves
*******************
Mister Wonderful Recommends:  Cookies baked with love.  And close
friends who are busy dieting before the holidays, hence more for the
Mister.  As National Novel Writing Month continues, the Wondermaw is
being crammed with 18 Tons of brain-growing, tap-typey-inducing,
magic-thigh-reducing, procrastination-prolonging food goodies!  Such as
these!  Ginseng Ginger-Ale!  Warehouse O' Beef Jerky!  Trader Joe's Thai
Green Curry Sauce!  Gamesa Animalitos!  Rice Crackers, With Nuts! 
Sumatra Sumatra Sumatra Coffee Coffee Coffee (brewed in a French Press
and delivered by Miss Yakamoto as a French Maid)!  Low-flying insects
and unwary schoolchildren!

http://www.nanowrimo.org
http://www.alpensierra.com/
http://abclocal.go.com/ktrk/news/bizarre/101003_APsn_butter.html

And just so you know I know what I'm doing
http://www.pottymouth.org/humor/shinola.html

-- 
Der Hexer

	"Gentle reader, I fain would spare you this, but
	my pen hath its will like the Ancient Mariner. Oh
	Christ what a scene is this!  Can tongue or pen
	accommodate these scandals?"

		- Williams S. Burroughs,
		"Naked Lunch"

See London!  See France!
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