[Wonderful Labs] WORK THE WONDER

[Wonderful Labs]

Dear Mr.WonderfulLanders,

	I have come to have certain "difficulties" with my boss, whom I detest.
 I want like hell to just say "Screw You" and walk out, but I worry
about how exactly to do that. In regards to all the crap I have on my
desk that I have brought to this job.  

	Do I box it up secretly beforehand, so when I storm out, I don't have
to say "And I'll be back later, with Security, to get my photos, books,
vitamins and toys!"? 

	Also, my father always said, never quit your job until you have another
one.  If I have a job offer that will likely be coming through in a few
days, is that close enough to count?

	The guilt over possibly handling this all wrong is getting to me.  It's
getting to the point that I wish they would fire me, so that I wouldn't
have to worry about the Rules of Quitting.

Sincerely,
Milton
_____________________
Dear Murphy's Brown,

	Speaking as an employer, and with full disclosure of Wonderful
Laboratories' record of human rights violations (mainly in the gift
shop), I would -- Say... what kind of toys are you keeping in your desk?

	Now *that's* something that could get embarrassing: "I'm leaving!  And
I'm taking this MonsterWang Lube Glove with me!"  I suppose it could be
argued as some sort of high art meta-comment to the effect that your
boss is a real jerk-off; but I shouldn't hope the critics would give
your resignation more than three stars.

	Even still, it would be kind of funny if your Venus Butterfly went off
in the middle of a meeting and you thought it was your pager and took it
out to check the message... speaking of getting fired, I think your
father would agree that you should only get fired if you are naked or
drunk.  Ideally, both.  That way, yes, you've lost a job, but you've
gained the respect of dozens of your peers.

	As a matter of fact, Miss Yakamoto nearly got fired the other day, but
we managed to squeeze into the kimono together.


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-- 
Der Hexer

	"I'm tossing up punch lines that were never there.
	Over my shoulder a piano falls, 
	crashing to the ground.
	I'm breaking through;
	I'm bending spoons;
	I'm keeping flowers in full bloom;
	I'm looking for answers from The Great Beyond."

		- Buck, Mills, Stipe,
		"The Great Beyond"

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