[Wonderful Labs] Cloudbusting with Just Wondering and Wonder

[Wonderful Labs]

Dearest Readers,

	"Where's me hat?!" I shouted, startling Mister Monkey off the blender.

	"Have you looked on your head?" he snarled back at me.  I could see his
lapels were all covered in bananacuda, but that wouldn't stop me, Mister
Wonderful, from indulging my snit.  Repressed snit is the third leading
cause of beatlemania.

	"You watch your ass, Lancelot Link," I said with finger pointing.  "I
know where I can get a cheap Apollo rocket and capsule."

	Mister Malice raised a finger of his own from the other side of the
couch.  "Keep it down in there.  We are watching a film."

	"_Spaceballs_ again?  You mad fiends.  Where's me hat?"

	"Hush.  Did you know that the robot is played by the Shields and
Yarnell mime woman?" asked Mister Dark.  "When we discover a means of
replicating all the pain in this movie, *then* you shall see a worthy
world domination scheme.  Have you looked under your 'Pirates of the
Caribbean' fetish poster?"

	"What poster?"

	"The one that James Spader lookalike dropped off last week.  He said
you ordered it from johnnythrobthrob dot com.  As you were not here, I
made him eat the invoice."

	So, naturally, it turned out that on the other side of the poster was a
cipher message from our old pal, JUST WONDERING:

>I bid you warm tidings in your Potrzebie.  Your 
>missives remind of a trip to Knight-Flag-Land.  
>May you encounter no twelve-foot smarmy lizards on
>your visit.  Real or hallucinatory.

	Too late.  Gamera film festival.  Side order of Mescaline tacos.  Nuff said.

>Part 1  Throw Dark and Malice into the Potrzebie 
>Academy for Japanese Kung Fu Schoolgirls and toss 
>in 200 gallons of Captain Morgan, 10 kilos of
>Acapulco Gold, an assortment of Wham-O products 
>and AFI's top 100 movies of all time.  It'll be 
>weeks before they regain control of their faculties.

	Wait.  My diabolical companions have some sort of plan to wipe out
civilization and you want to *reward* them?  How about a little sugar
for Wonderful?

>Part 2, revel in the absolute genius that is 
>J.K. Simmons as JJJ.

	Isn't that just the best thing about the Spider-Man movie?  Well, that
and the classic Oldsmobile Uncle Ben drives.

>Feel my queries
>1.  If someone (me) were to win an award for 
>something, would it now be acceptable for me to 
>tongue kiss the hottest woman in the room, as per
>Adrien Brody?

	Of course!  Obviously the sexiest lady there will be your wife, and
audiences *love* a good married soul kiss (Howdy, Mrs. JW.  Hope that
dinner invitation is still good).  Oh my gods, I think I just turned
into Eddie Haskell.

>2.  Why are British actors just so damn good 
>at their work?

	It's not like they spend their time studying cooking.

>3. Have you seen the trunk monkey video?
http://www.thedierks.com/allowe/video/TrunkMonkey.mpeg

	I am a busy journalist out here on the dazzling beaches of Potrzebie
and I do *not* have time to watch such things more than 8 or 9 times an hour.

>4.  ISBN 0-8118-4666-0 : Where was this when we 
>needed it?

	"How to Be a Villain"?  I'm sure it was someplace... naughty.

>5.  Did you know my darling Wife and I can be 
>connected to Kevin Bacon film-wise?

	Did you know *I* can be connected to Kevin Bacon, social-disease-wise?

>6.  Is there any truth to the rumor that 
>Underdog's Super-Energy Pill was really 
>a Flintstones vitamin?

	No.  But, amusingly, Sweet Polly Purebred's birth control was.

>Part 3  If you think secret identities are for 
>superheroes, watch *Auto Focus* w/ Greg Kinnear

	I still think they should have called it *Hogan's Hormones*.

>Live, Love, Liquefy
>Just Wondering

veni, vidi, vavoom,
MW


*********************
WONDERFUL LABS - Working Hard To Create A Zombie Homeland And A Retail
Shotgun Chain 
*********************

Mister Wonderful Recommends:  Spending a little time and cash to help
out crotchety high-falutin' bastards who are smarter than you. 
Actually, I think I'll just recommend correcting the balance in the
Universe.  Why the blue devil should Wizard be in the black and
Fantagraphics struggling to pay off loans?  What happened to "Ghost
World"?  Seen any Black Bull movies lately?

http://www.fantagraphics.com/

-- 
Kiss the Goo Goo Muck and you shall find a handsome yegg

	"Make the right decision
	At the right time, then and there
	And never, ever, ever stop believing
	It's on you and you can and you will
	Make it happen, make it well
	God did not create you
	God did not create you"

		- Phylr,
		"Turn and Smile"

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