[Wonderful Labs] The Curious Facts of Love and Wonder

[Wonderful Labs]

Dearest Readers,

	GREETINGS FROM AUSPICIOUS POTRZEBIE!

	"My monkey has a first name, it's K-E-A-N-U..."  Mister Wonderful here,
observing the stochastic miracles of nature by watching walls of ice
crash and collapse with majestic rainbow thunder in the warming oceanic
currents of my Mai Tai.  I swear.  This drink doesn't have an umbrella
in it, it's got the Sydney goddamn Opera House.  

	They make 'em sizable here at The Last Flight Bar.  You need a shark
cage to fish the onions out of your martini.

	A Potrzebian cat salesman who bears an unsettling resemblance to the
actor who played both James Kirk's unnaturally pale son in "Star Trek
II" and an unnaturally aged high school student on "Square Pegs"
approached me last week and delivered yet another query smuggled past
the scuttling mists and the phantom tollbooth on the Bifrost Bridge,
smuggled here to the fabled shores of Potrzebie.  Potrzebie!  Mystic
island nation that circles the globe like a plaid heroin cuff!  

	And so now, suitably lubricated, I give you good answer...

yrs,
MW
* * * * *

Dear Mr. Wonderful,

	My wife is going to have to endure back surgery in a month to fuse bone
to bone and to unpinch a nerve which is causing her neverending pain.
She has had back surgery once before, about ten years ago, for a pinched
nerve and was told the fusion would have to be done in the future. The
same doctor who performed that surgery is going to perform this latest
one. He says that there is a less than one percent chance that something
could go wrong during the surgery that could lead to complications, even
death. I'm still pretty freaked out though and keep thinking that she'll
be the first in history to... (gulp) I dare not say. Am I being crazy
thinking this way with odds like these?

-Color me Paranoid
___________________
Dear Wary Wort,

	You're crazy if you're wasting time writing to me instead of getting a
few of the more advanced Kama Sutra chapters notched into the bedpost
while your wife still has the flexibility.  If she complains about the
pinched nerve, explain that you're doing it to have stories you can
share with the grandkids.

	Fuse bone to bone?  I once got an offer like that in Provincetown,
Massachusetts, but not from a doctor.  I think he was wearing a cop
uniform.  He certainly had a cop mustache.

	Cease your worrying and start your engines, chum.  Methinks that when
that nerve stops pinching there's going to be a little miss in a
backless gown who'll want to start a little pinching of her own. 
Obviously, after the bleeding stops and the stitches set.  Sorry. 
Forget I said anything.  I just meant that she'll feel better.  In the
long run.  Soon!  Really.  It's not like she'll need to be stretched
like a midget.  Sorry.  I'll stop.

	You know what else, though?  I haven't mentioned Salma Hayek in a
while.  So I will, just for you.  Your wife has about as much chance of
being seriously hurt by this back surgery as Mister Wonderful has of
getting Salma to lift that delicious, round, restraining order.


*****************
WONDERFUL LABS -  Voulez-Vous The Science?
*****************

Mister Wonderful Recommends:  This marvelous sparkling herbal beverage I
have here on the desk (in a bottle) and on my tongue (in my mouth). 
It's called "IMMORTALIZER."  No joke.  I know that sounds like a magic
dildo, but it's an actual drink from the Real Soda in Real Bottles
people. Furthermore, this tasty pop blend of sugar and spice is made by
Mr. Yin and Mr. Yang.  Can you resist?  No.  You cannot.

http://www.sodaking.com/product_info.php?products_id=348
http://www.ginseng.com
http://www.realsoda.com

-- 
Even Old New York was once New Goo Goo Muck

	"...it's hard to embarrass Texas (the price of 
	gasoline has gotten so high, women who want to 
	run over their husbands have to carpool now)"

		- Molly Ivins,
http://www.creators.com/opinion_show.cfm?columnsName=miv

she said comeover comeover
http://www.wonderfullabs.com/tempe.html
http://www.livejournal.com/~ideaspace
http://www.cafeshops.com/apotheosis