[Wonderful Labs] BAD-ASS MACE WONDER

[Wonderful Labs]

Dear Mr. Wonderful,

	What do you think of those who proclaim themselves to be of the Jedi religion?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/2218456.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/1589133.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/2757067.stm

Live long with the force,
Darth Khan
________________________
Dear Klaatu Deetoo,

	I think I'm going after the wrong demographic, that's what I think.

	You know, about 25 years ago David Koresh, "Bo" Applewhite, Rael, and I
were having steaks down at the L. Ron Hubbard Clam Grill on Hollywood
Boulevard and I had to get up at one point to go tell Tommy Shaw how
brilliant the latest Styx album was and when I got back I found everyone
looking in my direction with little weasel smirks that would one day
come to nest on the face of a United States' President (but that is
another tale, for another time).

	"We had a vote while you were out," said Rael. "Considering what
happened to poor Jim Jones and all."

	I decided to forego the rest of my wine.

	Koresh cleared his throat.  "We thought it would be best to divide the
population into zones, so we don't compete and spread ourselves too
thin.  Safety in numbers, bwah."

	"Uh-huh," I said.  "What's the breakdown?"

	"Waall, I got the hard rock Christian fundamentalists with poor
critical thinking skills," said Koresh.

	"Asshole," I said.  "Those chicks are so easy."

	"I got the easily duped wealthy with no concept of reality," said Rael.

	"Rael-y?  What a coincidence."  He looked hurt, but I was tired and
needed to go roller skating.  "What about you?"

	Bo winked. "I got the Star Trek Fans."

	Furious, I pulled out my Love Gun and aimed it at his heart. "Are you
*kidding* me?!  Someone put Science Fiction groupies on the table?  The
core of Fandom?  Those idjits actually hold it as a mark of honor to
suspend their disbelief!  They *love* swallowing lies, and when they
don't get enough techno-pablum they make up their own!  Jee-zus,
Applewhite, those nerds don't even entertain the possibility that they
might be being duped; they think they're *more* intelligent than
everyone else because their gods go 'beep-beep' instead of 'boom-boom!' 
Plus they've got cash out the wazoo because they don't have the balls to
spend it on drugs!  They're genetically whacked, son.  They have the
perfect mutant ability to take any amount of garbage and render it into
'continuity' that they can fight over for centuries!!  It's a zombie
army!  A zombie army with gold credit cards!  And you donkey dicks let
him have it, just like that?"

	Bo held up a hand.  "Let me finish:  I get the Star Trek Fans willing
to mutilate their bodies for dubious tenets."

	I lowered the Love Gun.  "Oh.  Well, what about me?"

	"You got the smart people," said Bo.

	"And the check," added Rael.

	"Jiminy-doo-dah-cricket," I said. "I'm screwed."


	All of which is by way of telling you that now that I recall the story
I am almost *certain* that I spotted the badgery face of George Lucas
sipping Shirley Temples in the booth next to ours.  What he heard I
cannot say, but do note how the witnesses are disappearing.

	If I go down, remember to tell them it was Princess Leia in the Slave
Bikini what did it.


******************
WONDERFUL LABS - Wednesday Night Is Acolyte's Night - Free Wine and
Half-Off Vestments!
******************

Mister Wonderful Recommends: Writing and ducking.

http://www.kevinsites.net/
http://dear_raed.blogspot.com/

-- 
If you think the Sarcastic Fringehead doesn't make sense, you should see
his penguin.  Maybe invite some of your friends along and form a reading
club, like Oprah.  

	"Ah, Max  - *there is no victory.* 
	Neither fame nor fortune is worth a
	shit these days - the only thing worth
	clinging to is a sense of humanity."

		-Hunter S. Thompson in a
		1974 letter to Max Palesky,
		reprinted in "Fear and Loathing
		in America"

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