[Wonderful Labs] WONDER AND THOU

[Wonderful Labs]

O Great and Wise Wonderful,

	Apart from the sex, why do people need (or want) to have
"relationships"?  I have recently realized that they are entirely
unnecessary – can you give me one good reason why I am wrong?

Humbly Yours,
She loves me not
____________________
Dear Tom Cruise,

	My dear, dear boy.  Using a relationship for the sex is like purchasing
a Lamborghini Murcielago Roadster for the cigarette lighter.

	It seems obvious to us that you are a man who has never known the joys
of awakening on a cold winter morning to discover you need to shoot your
way out a bank heist what has gone rapidly south through no fault of
your own or of your carefully drafted plan of fiscal liberation while
wearing a pink ninja outfit which, while it seemed integral to the
initial scheme and leant an amusing "retro-kitsch" dimension to the
whole affair, now seem disastrously faux pas-ish in a whole "escape"
dimension and the crystal shots of Icelandic vodka you enjoyed to
celebrate the success of Stage One: "The Aristocratic Arrival" are
effecting a certain sloppiness to your aim, further emboldening the
approaching forces of thuggish capitalist peeg darkness when a whisper
of silk and a terse "Stay down, my love," accompanies the faint scent -
like dusk entwined with cordite - that slipstreams over your head and
you know, know utterly and with the calm of a Canadian Buddhist, that
your way will soon be clear and your hands will soon be gripping the
wheel of freedom.  Not to mention the pigtails of liberation.
	
	Friend, relationships are about having the back of someone who always
has your back.

	The Spartans knew this.  Their warriors were *the* finest army on the
Greek peninsula, stronger in spirit than even the innumerable Persian
hordes - thanks to mutual respect and romantic love.  Well, that and the
buggery.  Obviously.  I'm certainly not saying that every successful
relationship needs buggery....  Then again, it couldn't hurt.  Well, no,
I mean, obviously it could *hurt*, but I - you know what?  Forget it.

	Not going to get all bent out of shape over anal sex.  That's what I
have interns for.


	To explain things later in a press release, you ninnies.

	Anyway.  Point is.  Most people don't have relationships.  They have
"relating-at"s, and you are correct in noting the pointlessness of that
folderol.  Why do human beings treat each other as objects and merely
relate-at rather than experience a literally divine
consumation/expansion?  

	They have forgotten how Wonderful they truly are.



	Don't let it happen to you.
	

******************
WONDERFUL LABS - Wear The Lab Coat That Has A Heart On
******************
	
Mister Wonderful Recommends:  Spreading the notion that John Cusack is
the next Tom Hanks, but better.  He is *the* avatar of Generation X
romantic cynicism.  We've known we were him for years.  He's always been
all of us.

http://www.imdb.com/Name?Cusack,+John

-- 
The more people know about Sarcastic Fringehead, the faster we get off
this island.

	"My relationship to sheep is a bit 
	ambivalent now.  I like them, but 
	not when they come flying through 
	the air."

		-Per Kristian Hagen, 
		Heavy Metal fan struck 
		by a hurled skull in
		Norway
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&ncid=816&e=3&cid=816&u=/ap/20030310/ap_on_fe_st/norway_flying_sheep_s_head



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