[Wonderful Labs] A World of Hurt and Wonder

[Wonderful Labs]

Dearest Readers,

	GREETINGS FROM PONZIED POTRZEBIE!

	But I need a break and I want to be a paperback ninja... Paperback
Ninja!  Mister Wonderful here, and wouldn't you know it, spring has
limped painfully into summer while our backs were turned, mourning the
debacled winter.  Those of you who *still* don't believe that Time
itself is moving faster should wake up and smell the tachyons.  Open
your eyes!  That "Days of Our Lives" hourglass runs like a Mach 10
sandstorm these days.  I bought a pocket watch last week; by the time I
got home it was a Palm Pilot.  

	Actually, that's not a joke.  I think I went into the wrong store.  You
know, it's tough to read Potrzebian signs through a soggy leather mask. 
And 18 shots of Damned Peculiar whisky.

	Well, it's not my fault I was hammered like a petty upstart on a Roman
highway.  Mid-June is the traditional time for the *Sexasaurus Rex*
Holiday: "Potrzebian Mardi Gras."  It's a lot like Rio's Carnival and
the Swedish Bikini Team in bed with a hyper-spastic weasel wearing a
wizard's hat, ripped to the tits on Peruvian blow.  Madness.  They say
that if you survive the first night of Sexasaurus Rex you'll never need
to show ID for drinks again.  You will have been marked, branded by
experience, and every bouncer in the world will note the day-glo scars
in your eyes.

* * * 

	I got a package from Miss Yakamoto this week, and, much to my delight,
it wasn't ticking.  In it was a letter sending apologies for the repair
delays, and a list of technicians who she had determined should be
"hanged by their necks until dead for being such useless bags of gas."

	Also in the package was a Playgasm 2020 Omni-sense VibroSuit, the Army
prototype total video game hexperience console.  It's totally cool, and
totally illegal; this is why Miss Yakamoto can never be replaced.  She'd
had it refit to play all current videogames with full suit
surround-sense.  You play *in* the games, but it's more like "Tron" than
"The Matrix."  Anyway.  Within minutes I was booted up and immersed in a
rousing firefight with Capcom's "Mister Gun Shooty Guy with the Hot Red
Coat." (I laugh at your need for details.) 

	Just then, Mister Dark walked in.  "My dear Wondercrotch," he sneered. 
"With those goggles and that outfit you look like an insect that has
just had a transporter mishap with a gay R2-D2."

	I pressed my Pause navel.  "I know you are," I posited.  "But what am I?"

	He smiled *that way*, and lifted his walking stick. "Regretful."

	Which turned out to be right, even if it wasn't any sort of clever
techno pun.



Yours sipping tropical cures until the bruises fade,
MW


*****************
WONDERFUL LABS - You Don't Have To Be A Fool To Jingle Our Bells
*****************
Mister Wonderful Recommends: Big, hard, throbbing Freudian slips.

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_792367.html
http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/blbushisms.htm
http://www.mud.co.uk/richard/fs.htm

-- 
We have no MSG, but we got your Goo Goo Muck right here.

	"And everybody cuts and everybody bleeds, 
	and everyone cries where nobody sees
	But I'm never going to give up,
	never give in to your greed
	because I've got a secret inside of me
	and I'm going to lock it away."

		- Firewater,
		"Secret"

The Meat Locker of Truth
http://www.wonderfullabs.com/tempe.html
http://www.livejournal.com/~ideaspace
http://www.cafeshops.com/apotheosis