[Wonderful Labs] The Case of Blood and Wonder

[Wonderful Labs]

Dearest Readers,

		GREETINGS FROM UNDULATORY POTRZEBIE!

	Oh, my precious dumplings of innocence, *what* a week we've had here on
the charming global island chain of Potrzebie.  Mister Dark finally
found a white embroidered dashiki just his size and rushed out to "see
how it may be accented with arterial spray."  Mister Malice brought home
a penguin that he thinks he can train to lie in wait and frighten
pianists.  I, myself, me, Mister Wonderful, *I* joined the youth of
Potrzebie by attending a music festival in a volcano.  Apparently it's
some sort of annual celebration of the solar gods' triumph over the
forces of good taste.

	Potrzebian life, as I've said, is often a mixture of the modern and the
archaic.  They have cell phones, but only with rotary dials.  They like
The Beatles *and* Oasis.  Potrzebians tend to be spiritual without being
theological.  They believe stuff, but they're not *married* to it.  The
religions of the islands are myriad: some unusual alignment of the stars
(or even the clouds, or the toadstools) happened to strike one's
ancestors as groovy and worth chatting about once a week.  That's it. 
You get a thousand new creeds every time a rock enters the atmosphere
and burns freely across the skies.  And when things go badly for the
politicians of Potrzebie, they always blame it on the liberal meteor.

	Speaking of.  You may recall that I had hoped to earn some moolah as a
verb-wrangler in one of Potrzebie's many fine print factories.  Turns
out there are already a surfeit of columnists here, more's the pity. 
They have "romance advice" columnists who tell people how to solve their
personal problems by pretending the world has not changed in fifty
years.  They have "practical advice" columnists who tell folks where to
stick their grout.  They have "trivia" columnists, who answer obscure
questions, or present little-known facts.  They also have Dan Savage. 
What I'm banking on is that no one does my whole "wisdom gestalt."

	Dig this column from "The Omphalitic County Deranger," a daily paper
published for the affluent hill people:


	TRIVIA by Horrabin Mos Eisley
	Q. What color is lobster blood? A. Mauve. * Q. Is there life on Mars?
A. Not today, no. * The penis of the male warthog has a flange. * There
are buckets of pus behind the Vatican. * Terrible stuff once happened. *
For .01% of Swedes, the brain grows at a faster rate than the skull. *
Q. Does lightning go up or down? A. Neither. You are having a seizure. *
Q. Who invented the condom? A. Dr. Liebedich Bangzalot. * Jesus died for
your sins - on accident. * A recalcitrant sephiroth can traumatize the
works of Shakespeare! * The number one is a hoax. * Q. Who played 'The
Flying Nun'? A. Who didn't? * It takes more muscles to tickle than to
kill. * A guitar can't fit through a bicycle. * There are places where
things are different.


	
	I know it'll be tough to beat that kind of rigorous journalism, but
there's a place for me in the pulsing planet of Potrzebie periodicals. 
I feel it.

Yours with a light heart and black fingers,
Mister Wonderful

*********************
WONDERFUL LABS - We Also Service Those Who Stand And Wait
*********************

Mister Wonderful Recommends:  Alternate history that isn't.  Is it irony
or is it memorex?

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/ucru/20030429/cm_ucru/president_gore__a_look_back

-- 
Attend upon the Goo Goo Muck, and receive such rewards as you may.

	"Because I don't bend to reality, you see
	what I mean?"  His eyes were more intense
	than ever, as though he were channeling
	Svengali. "Reality bends to *me*."

		- Donald Westlake,
		"Money For Nothing"

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