[Wonderful Labs] A Chronicle of Woe and Wonder

[Wonderful Labs]

Dearest Readers,

	Kama Sutra Honey Dust in the keyboard.  Isn't that how it always
starts?  

	Many's the occasion that I, Mister Wonderful, the devilishly optimistic
scientist and general wit-wit famed on stage and screen, could have
avoided frustration, incarceration, impeculiation and even tarnation had
I watched where my Kama Sutra Honey Dust flowed.  Alas.  These times are
already upon us.

	"Kama Sutra Honey Dust." That's what the tech people told me this past
and fate-full weekend.  "In the keyboard," they added.  "And someone's
knocked over a bucket of Redundanseeds," said another.

	"Redundanseeds?" I asked. "Again?"

	In any case, there was little that could be done about the situation in
the immediate.  MEGATHRUSTINAX, the Wonderful Labs computer, had
crunched its numbers numb in an infinite loop of orgonomic
calculusciousness.  Parts would have to be replaced. Parts inextricably
liked to expense.  Expense attached to them like limpet mines on Iron
Man's boxer shorts, even.  

	"Motherboards!" I cursed. "Why does this always happen when my cash is
already tied up?"

	Miss Yakamoto stepped back from her work and smirked at me.  "Not to
mention your accountant."

	She had a point.  And a cat-o-nine-tails.  But I had no time for this. 
The wine in my ceramic mug grew cold, and the moon rose high in the
firmament.  A terrible moment was afoot, and I wanted to be supine with
sunglasses on before it threatened to become a whole leg.

	An Oompa-Loompa in my employ waved papers at my crotch.  They turned
out to be the last Query Data to spurt atavistically from the Wonderful
Labs printers.  They indicated that a whole metric dipload of ignorance
remained to be remedied by yours truly in the samite lab coat. 

	"Maybe it will fix itself..." I murmured wearily into my cups.  "You
never know."

	Just then, Mister Dark and Mister Malice burst through the turbo-lift
doors with pistols clutched in their gloved fists.

	"Nobody move!" they shouted.  "This is an alien abduction!"

	I grabbed the fire extinguisher and brandished it with vim.  "Get back
to your giftshop, capitalist fiends.  There's science going on here!"

	They lowered the firearms and grinned, sending two interns into cardiac
arrest.  "Saddle up, dear, dear Monsieur Wonderful," said Mister Malice.
 "A terrible moment is afoot."

	"We're off to Damascus."  Mister Dark extended his hand.  "We need you
to dazzle the natives."

	"Actually..." Malice flicked his eyes over to Miss Yakamoto, then
leaned in closer.  I ducked lower behind the extinguisher.  "Do you
recall the artefacts we acquired in Kandar?" he asked.

	Mister Dark hissed.  "Certain ignoramus types are moving their thick
troops closer to the crypt where we secreted those... things.  Not only
was *man* meant to know them, there is a special unlubricated level of
Hades reserved for those who let *idiotic man* with *nuclear weapon*
know them.  Should this come to pass, Wonderbuckets, disquietments shall
transpire that will make the Tunguska Event seem like a hummingbird
sneezing in a wind tunnel."

	"Prophecies, dear boy, will not only be fulfilled, they will give up
their day jobs and retire to write their memoirs," added Malice.



	So I write this to you, my dearest readers, on a computer borrowed from
a lovely Lithuanian lass while in a carriage in Vienna making my way
towards Damascus to undo some wrong I understand all too well.  It is
not an unusual position for me, but I am not as young as once I was (are
any of us?) and, more importantly, I have never had it interrupt my
enlightentaining as it is now.  I *do* apologize.  These are interesting
times for us all.


Until the Wonderful Labs computer resurrects and releases the queries of
yore, I remain,
Croftily yours,

Mister Wonderful

**************
The Mobile WONDERFUL LABS - More Humor Than Human
**************

Mister Wonderful (though out of sorts) Recommends: Getting while the
getting is good.  The getting, by the by, is right now *superb*.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/top10/03/105.html

-- 
Goo Goo Muck

	"I tell you love, sister, it's just a kiss away 
	It's just a kiss away 
	It's just a kiss away 
	It's just a kiss away 
	It's just a kiss away 
	Kiss away, kiss away"

		- M. Jagger/K. Richards,
		"Gimme Shelter"

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