[Wonderful Labs] THE WONDER RETURNS

[Wonderful Labs]

Dear Mr. Wonderful,

	Could you please tell us which graphic novels you consider essential
for the educated reader?  And could you also tell us about which ones
the uneducated reader needs to know about?  I recently discovered that
there are some really hot guys in the comic book industry and I'd like
to be able to impress them.

Thanks!
MJ
______________
Dear Jackpot,

	See, now... this is why people don't believe the queries come from real readers.

	"Really hot guys in the comic book industry," she says.  Ho, ho, ho. 
Oh, I'm a-laughin' near to split my spleen like it was a space-walking
cosmonaut with a hook hand and an itch.  Did Mahfood put you up to this?
 He's always trolling for chicks.  Thinks that "Dogma" should've landed
him more groupie juice.  I said to him, I said, "You want action like
the Schreck gets, then you gotta *act* when you stand up, bitch."

	Here's the trouble:  when I, Mister Wonderful, answer queries, the key
to making them so enlightentaining is frequently that I *just don't
care*.  Furthermore, I don't precisely "know" what it is I'm talking
about.  My research people tell me just enough about this "Star Wars"
nonsense to drop in a joke for the popcultists, then I'm off.  The real
answer is always this:  Wake Up!  The World Needs More Wonder.

	But here at Wonderful Labs we know from comics, bubbe.  And thus our
answers rapidly become turgid with "facts."  Not to mention plugs for
the charming works of Chynna Clugston-Major (published by Oni Press
http://www.onipress.com/ http://www.bluemondaycomics.com/), those New
Romantic paeans to the aeon of athletic adolescent affections, without
which we (and all of mankind) would surely shrivel up and die horrible
wrinkled deaths, despite the fact that she has never sent us that
promised portrait of Mister Wonderful in AntGear.

	See what I mean?

	They get long, these comic book answers.  And while I'm reliably
informed that there are some who approve of length, the vast majority
have not the leisure to peruse vast deserts of text in search of the
Oasis of Ha-Has.

	Listen: Don't read graphic novels.  They rot your brain.  In any case,
only comic *fans* care if you like "Watchmen."  Everyone in the comic
book *industry* is more impressed if you've read "The Whiskey Lover's
Guide to the Kama Sutra."  


*****************
WONDERFUL LABS - The Oasis of Ha-Has
*****************

Mister Wonderful Recommends: Admitting that something's wrong.  

http://www.moveon.org/technicaldifficulties/
http://www.mediawhoresonline.com/
http://www.rawilson.com/thoughts.shtml

-- 
If ever, o ever, a wiz there was, the Sarcastic Fringehead is one
because, because, because, because.... well, I can't remember, but it
was something.  Pass the poppies.

	"Do you think I came to bring
	peace on earth?  No, I tell you,
	but division.  From now on there 
	will be five in one family divided
	against each other, three against
	two and two against three."

		-Jesus of Nazareth,
	favorite philosopher of George W. Bush,
	("A uniter - not a divider," who apparently
	hasn't been to any of the tense and silent
	family gatherings of the past three weeks)
	Luke 12:51 & 52  
	Thompson Chain-Reference Bible



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