[Wonderful Labs] The Dubiously Best Of Wonderful

[Wonderful Labs]

Reprinting Some of Our Finer Unarchived Moments -  Add to Your Possibly
Impoverished Fun Level

-------- Original Message --------
Subject: CAPTAIN JAMES T. WONDERFUL
Date: Wed, 14 Jun 2000 21:15:28 +0000

Dear Wonderful,

	I have it on good authority that you idolize a fat Canadian ham of an
actor whose cheesy toupee and miniscule acting ability have relegated
him to doing inane Priceline.com commercials.  How can anyone with such
a questionable hero be trusted to give decent advice?

Signed,
I. Grok-Spock
_______________
Dear Kobyashi Maru,

	All right, tough guy.  Let's talk Shatner.

	You know why Shatner's great?  Because he *believes* in something.  He
believes that William Shatner is a decent actor who deserves money,
praise and opportunity.  No one else believes this.  But Bill has no
doubts at all... and that makes all the difference.

	You know why he was so phenomenal as Captain Kirk?  Because he
believed.  He believed he could get laid on every planet in the galaxy
week after week and because he believed, *we* believed.  That haircut
was just the icing on the beefcake.

	Shatner is impossible - a spectacle, a mass hallucination, a shared
dream.  He defies the laws of physics; no one with a voice like his can
get a record deal!  But Bill did it.  Not only did he release albums...
his singles still get airplay.  He still performs music - in the same
godawful style - thirty years later!  And I bet that each commercial
he's in pays more than he made off the first album!  People are
laughing, but the joke's on them.

	How?  He believed.  In the face of all evidence and reason, William
Shatner held tight to his faith in himself.  Saint Augustine?  His faith
wouldn't have lasted through the Filmation Star Trek cartoons of the
Seventies.  Thomas Aquinas would have broken down and massaged Satan's
bum when T.J. Hooker was cancelled.  

	Shatner believed.  Shatner believed in Shatner. "Creo quia Shatner est."

	When you have starred in two television series, a film franchise and on
stage, when you have recorded albums, when you have directed movies,
when you have appeared on Saturday Night Live, when you have books with
your name on them in bookstores, when all your former co-workers write
bitter tell-all books about you, when you have comedians making careers
out of imitating you, when you have done all this with as *little*
gods-given talent as Billy Shatner was born with... then you can
question his worth as a hero, sir.

	Sorry this one went on so long, folks.  I had something to say.


*********************
TO BOLDLY WONDER WHERE NO ONE HAS WONDERED BEFORE
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-- 
Thought Pusher

"I'm in the pink of condition.  I could copulate for England
	at any distance."

		-Anthony Shaffer,
		"Sleuth"