la vEritE

[i-am karin]

dear god
in touch with the feelings, loneliness, longing, anger, blaming, my parents,
wanting, addictions, rage, tears, sadness

it ain't pretty but it sure is mine

the dark angels, les parents, hovering
shadow-assholes, what they could not help

blind, which they are&&&&&i choose to forgive
say it, until i mean it say it until i mean it

i forgive you i forgive you i forgive you i forgive

beloved mama und papa despite your moanings you are very rich, maybe not in
money, but even then you don't want for much
except grace
not knowing that you know yourself as frightfully poor

this asshole knows richness to be sure
if only by the quantity & quality of shit passing through

murderers of things unlike yourselves, your devoted life, of devotion
commitment
purpose
some success actually

the biggest challenge has been not only to survive you
but thrive

i fall into your hole sometimes
who am i kidding
i fall into your hole everytime i let go
of my commitment

compassion may be the hardest quality i think

knowing each fall, propping up, over & over & over & over
these addictions, sticks, stones, mud, bones

learning to see
what befalls
this struggle
why&what&how

& then, by some miracle,, some grace, some hope
to hang on to how
one hangs hard
knuckles white
hanging

standing upright on one's own, knowing
the effort it takes, perhaps
that's when compassion starts
arrogance also

i say to my nearest & dearest
in your misery i say
if i can
why can't you?

shit

this assholes uses you for a toilet
we deserve one another