[W126 Coupe] Fw: History 101

[Ruud Schuijt]

>  

> Ayn Rand?

> 

> ----- Original Message -----

> From: Val Modean <mailto:valerie.modean at cox.net>

> To: Amy Siracuse <mailto:amycobbler1 at yahoo.com>

> Sent: Wednesday, March 04, 2009 11:38 PM

> Subject: FW: History 101

> 

>  

>  

> 

> 

> From: Amy Cummings [mailto:backinaz at cox.net]

> Sent: Tuesday, March 03, 2009 4:41 PM

> To: Jeff Cummings

> Subject: History 101

>  

>>    

>>   

>>>        History  101

>>> 

>>> For  those that don't know about history ... Here is a condensed  version:

>>> 

>>> Humans  originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic

>>> hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the  summer

>>> and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the  winter.

>>> 

>>> The two most  important events in all of history were the invention of beer

>>> and the  invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the

>>> beer.  These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were

>>> the  catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct  subgroups:

>>> 

>>> 1.  Liberals, and

>>> 2.  Conservatives.

>>> 

>>> Once  beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of

>>> agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented  yet,

>>> so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to  be

>>> invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how  villages were

>>> formed.  

>>> 

>>> Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals  to B-B-Q at night

>>> while they were drinking beer. This was the  beginning of what is known as

>>> the Conservative movement.

>>> 

>>> Other men who were weaker  and less skilled at hunting learned to live off

>>> the conservatives by  showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the

>>> sewing, fetching, and  hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal

>>> movement. 

>>> 

>>> Some of these liberal men  eventually evolved into women. Those became known

>>> as girlie-men. Some  noteworthy liberal achievements include the

>>> domestication of cats, the  invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the

>>> concept of Democratic  voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that

>>> conservatives  provided.

>>> 

>>> Over  the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most

>>> powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized  by the

>>> jackass.  

>>> 

>>> Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added),  but most prefer white

>>> wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw  fish but like their beef well

>>> done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are  standard liberal fare. Another

>>> interesting evolutionary side note:  most of their women have higher

>>> testosterone levels than their men.  Most social workers, personal injury

>>> attorneys, journalists, dreamers  in Hollywood and group therapists are

>>> liberals. Liberals invented the  designated hitter rule because it wasn't

>>> fair to make the pitcher also  bat.

>>> 

>>> Conservatives  drink domestic beer, mostly Bud  or  Miller. They eat red

>>> meat and still provide for their women.  Conservatives are big game hunters,

>>> rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks,  construction workers, firemen, medical doctors,

>>> police officers,  engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the

>>> military,  airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively.

>>> Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to  work

>>> for a living.  

>>> 

>>> Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern  the producers and

>>> decide what to do with the production. Liberals  believe Europeans are more

>>> enlightened than Americans. That is why  most of the liberals remained in

>>> Europe when conservatives were coming  to America . They crept in after the

>>> Wild West was tamed and created a  business of trying to get more for

>>> nothing. 

>>> 

>>> Here ends today's lesson  in world history:

>>> 

>>> It  should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily

>>> respond to the above before forwarding it.

>>> 

>>> A Conservative will simply  laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth

>>> of this history that  it will be forwarded immediately to other true

>>> believers and to more  liberals just to tick them off.

>>> 

>>> And  there you have it.

>>> 

>>> Let  your next action reveal your true self  .

>>>    

>>>   

>>> 

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