[LargeFormat] The Nanson Matter

[Brock Nanson]

----- Original Message -----
From: "rstein" <rstein@bigpond.net.au>
To: <largeformat@f32.net>
Sent: Tuesday, December 24, 2002 4:08 PM
Subject: [LargeFormat] The Nanson Matter


> Dear Mr. Warren,
>
>      I wish to complain bitterly about the recent posting of a scene in
> Queensland by Mr. Brock Nanson. He has done a great disservice to the
cause
> of truthfulness and geographical understanding.
>
>     The picture is all very well as a picture - exposure and composition
and
> colour and that sort of thing - but that is where the rot sets in. There
are
> no signs of empty beer cans anywhere. There are no carcasses. Where are
the
> rusted car bodies? Where are the aboriginals and the cans of petrol? Have
> these been Photoshopped out?
>
>      And what is the viewer to do about the other senses? How can we be
> expected to hear the squealing of pigs, or the chainsaws, or the shotguns?
> Where are the banjos?
>
>      I think Mr. Nanson owes the world an explanation. I await with
concern
> and remain, in Western Australia,
>
>      Uncle Dick


Uncle Dick,

I appreciate your concern and understand the root of the problem... you see,
the nice folks in Queensland appear to have a very similar impression of
those in WA... While I'm sure the term 'hillbilly' has a different (and much
nicer) meaning in Australianese than it does in North American English, some
of the other descriptors I've heard couldn't be misunderstood.  However,
being an innocent bystander, I really don't want to get caught between the
blunderbus and the rock salt.  I should probably give you a more fair and
thorough account of my experiences leading to the image in question...

The day I arrived at the location photographed, I drove from Dalby to Roma
and back through Miles before stopping for the night at the small 'retreat'
on the property of which the creek and pools were located.  I don't know how
much detail you require here... I had lunch at the Roma McDonalds (did you
know that the McOz burger is just a quarter pounder with a slab of beetroot
and double the usual helping of grease?) and learned that Roma is the Oil
and Gas Capital of Australia.  Funny that, I didn't see ANYTHING that
suggested the industry.  No oil wells, no liquid nitrogen compressor trucks,
no drillers mud stuck to the floor mat at the McDonalds... nothing.  It was
pure luck that I happened into the local tourist information office and
learned this fact.  Previous to this I had assumed Canberra was the gas
capital... a truly renewable resource...

But anyway, I took a less-travelled route back to Miles, dodging kangaroos
and their little wallaby cousins along the way.  Not the brightest of
animals... never could work out why they'll bounce along the ditch just off
the front fender of your car before darting across in front, rather than
away from the road and the deadly car.  From the number of carcasses I saw
in various states of decomposition, I was able to infer two things.  First,
kangaroos are all apparently as dumb as the ones I saw, and second, the
locals either can't be very hungry or are typically vegetarian, because none
of the remains I saw showed evidence of competent, or even incompetent
butcher work.

I ventured down the dirt road leading to the 'retreat' on the advice of some
old-timers with directions that were better than those my father-in-law
received several years back in a remote part of Queensland.... 'follow this
road and turn at the customs house'.  He followed the road, several times in
fact and in both directions without coming to the described turn.  He later
learned that he should have turned where the building *used* to be, as it
had been destroyed by fire 10 or 15 years previously...

The road seemed to stop in the yard of an old caravan on blocks.  As I was
wondering if this could really be the place I was looking for, an old coot
stepped out of the trailer and came over to size me up.  He had a rifle
leaning in the doorway which is always a nice way to welcome visitors.  He
had one eye set about an inch higher than the other and generally gave the
impression of having fallen from a family tree without too many branches to
impede his descent.

"Whatcha doin way out here?"

I told him and he contemplated that for a while without comment.

"Pretty fancy car you got there..."

"Yeah, it's a rental."

"Ya mean it's not yours?"

"Uh, no, it belongs to Hertz car rentals."

Big pause.

"Where you from then?"

"Canada."

"Whatcha doin way out here?"

I told him.  Again.

"So how much does this car cost you?"

"Oh, about $50 a day.  I've had it three days now, should be back in
Brisbane in another couple."

Big pause.

"Crikey, you've already spent $100 on this car!  You must be a bleedin'
millionaire!"

I didn't think it was the right time to let him in on the secret of what a
return airfare from Canada to Australia and back again cost.  Better to
compliment him on his skills with basic arithmetic than explain the basics
of Keynsian economics or even the basic principle of 'get a job, get paid'.
"Not exactly, where did you say this place is?"

Turned out I needed to drive past the old Holden, which was perforated with
bullet holes, to find the continuation of the road beyond.  I didn't see any
of his relatives peeking at me from behind trees, but that doesn't mean they
weren't there.  Didn't ask which eye he used to sight down his rifle either,
although the question did intrigue me and kept me occupied for a few
kilometers.

As for the photo in question, I did have to step over and around a few
rotting 'roo carcasses on the way to my location.  When the breeze shifted I
realized there was another in the immediate vicinity also.  Evidently they
have not yet learned the accurate range of a .22 or that the owner of the
property really doesn't like them.  I removed a beer can from a rock crevice
that would have shown up in another shot I took in the area.  Given the
remote location of the creek and pools, I think the can may have floated in
from parts unknown.  I don't think the headwaters are in WA, but I can't be
sure of that...

So, returning to your comments above, I'm really not sure why you would
imply that Queenslanders aren't all on the leading edge of science and
technology.  From what I saw, they have already proven that Darwin was a
quack...

Does the above satisfy your demand for an adequate explanation?

Brock