[LargeFormat] Salvaging a reputation,

[rstein]

 Dear Friends,

     I have noticed a tendancy lately to attribute an number of unsavoury
characteristics to me. People have picked up on little phrases that I use in
my communications like " buck nekkid " and " running up the street with your
underwear over your eyes " and drawn inferences that do little to advance my
character. I wish to take this opportunity to correct this.

     The Hazel Leaf Studio is run upon strictly moral lines. Of course you
must remember that morality has the same root word as morass, and you can
get bogged down in both. Suffice it to say, we operate upon a no-touch
policy. Mind you, this does not include a no-whistle, no-leer, and no-drool
policy so there is room for improvement.

    All models are treated with strict respect. If they pay their account.
If they pay a little extra they can have extra strict respect but they have
to sign a waiver and quote their blood type. Of course no-one is harmed by
the simple act of photography - with the possible exception of the woman who
was sitting for a aportrait when the internal capacitor of the strobe light
arced over with a report like a shot. I saw daylight underneath her and it
took three dry cleaners a week to salvage her cocktail frock. We also have a
section of our 56-page model release form that asks whether the sitter would
give permission to plaster her bare image over the inside of South American
bus stations - it is in the fine print. You can read it easily with a 200x
oil-coupled microscope lens.

    As far as my publicity material here in Perth goes, I have won awards
from the Federation of Plumbers for leaflets and flyers advertising
conversion kits for septic tank to deep sewerage. The models were most
cooperative, once the rifle fire had quietened down, and most of the staff
at the processing works were delighted with their swimsuits. Shame the fumes
took the coating off the front of the Nikon lens, but.

    So, all in all, I feel my reputation deserves a bit of a boost. After
all, 50 million plumbers can't be wrong.

     Uncle Dick