** Dear God, Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if =
ever,=20
smell one another?
** Dear God, When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is =
it the=20
same old story?
** Dear God, Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, =
the=20
mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a =
dog?=20
How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride! =
Would it=20
be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler >Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'? =
** Dear God, If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human =
hears=20
him, is he still a bad dog?
** Dear God, We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand =
signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic =
energy=20
fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?
** Dear God, More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
** Dear God, When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake =
hands to=20
get in?
** Dear God, Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have =
to=20
apologize?
** Dear God, Let me give you a list of just some of the things I =
must=20
remember to be a good dog:
- I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they =
throw it=20
up.
- I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because =
I like=20
the way they smell.
- I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box; although =
they=20
are tasty, they are not food.
- The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
- The sofa is not a face towel; neither are Mom and Dad's laps. =
- The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
- My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
- I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's =
driver's=20
license and registration. -
I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on =
the=20
toilet.
- Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way =
of saying=20
'hello.'
- I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under =
the=20
coffee table.
- I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the =
house.=20
- I will not throw up in the car.
- I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt =
across the=20
carpet.
- I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my =
crotch when=20
company is over.
- The cat is not a squeaky toy; so when I play with him and he =
makes that=20
noise, it's usually not a good thing.
** Dear God, May I have my testicles back?
%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Try to guess without looking at answer........
Q : How many animals can you fit into a pair of pantyhose?
You ready for this???
This is good........ Answer at the bottom of =
email =20
ROFL!!
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
A very proper lady =
began=20
planning a week's camping vacation for her church
group. She wrote =
to a=20
campground for reservations. She wanted to make sure
that the =
campground was=20
fully equipped and modern, but couldn't bring
herself to write the =
word=20
"toilet" in her letter. So, she decided on the
old-fashioned term =
"Bathroom=20
Commode."
Once written down she still wasn't comfortable. Finally =
she=20
decided on the
abbreviation "B.C." and
wrote, "does your =
campground have=20
its own "B.C.?"
When the campground owner received the letter, he =
couldn't figure out what
she meant by "B.C." He showed it to several =
of the=20
campers, one of whom
suggested the lady was obviously referring to a =
Baptist=20
Church. So he sent
this reply:
Dear Madam: The B.C. is =
located nine=20
miles from the campground in a
beautiful grove of trees. I admit it =
is quite=20
a distance if you are in the
habit of going regularly. No doubt you =
will be=20
pleased to know that it will
seat 350 people at one time, and it is =
open on=20
Tuesday, Thursday, and
Sunday of each week. Some folks like to take =
their=20
lunch and make a day of
it. The acoustics are very good, so everyone =
can=20
hear even the quietest
passages. It may interest you to know that my =
daughter met her
husband there. We are also having a fund-raiser to =
purchase=20
new seats, as
the old ones have holes in them. Unfortunately my wife =
is ill=20
and has not
been able to attend regularly. It's been a good three =
weeks=20
since she last
went. It pains her very much not to be able to go =
more often.=20
As we grow
older, it seems to be more of an effort, especially in =
cold=20
weather.
Perhaps I could accompany you the first time you go, sit =
with you,=20
and
introduce you to all the other folks who will be there. I look =
forward=20
to
your visit. We offer a very friendly=20
campground.
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
ANSWER to Panty hose joke
2 calves , 10 little piggies, and a fish NO one can=20
find!!!!
%%%%%%%%%%%%%
NO swimming in the Mississippi=20
RIVER!!!!
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG =
anti-virus system (
http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: =
6.0.487 /=20
Virus Database: 286 - Release Date:=20
6/1/2003