[AGL] Go Kinky

[Harry Edwards]

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Is Kinky Friedman the Next Governor of Texas?
  By:   Craig Shelburne
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Editor's note: The new CMT series Go Kinky premieres Friday (Feb. 17) 
at 11 p.m. ET/PT.

Kinky Friedman is running for governor of Texas -- seriously. Or maybe 
not seriously. It's hard to tell sometimes. First, he has to get on the 
ballot, which is extremely tricky for an independent candidate. In his 
race against incumbent Gov. Rick Perry, Friedman has to get 45,000 
handwritten and verified signatures on a petition in just a matter of 
weeks, but only from those voters who choose to skip the upcoming 
primary.

Here, exactly as he said it, are Friedman's thoughts on a variety of 
topics, including apathy, Indian casinos and how Willie Nelson can help 
the state.

Convincing People to Vote: We think that it's not Kinky Friedman vs. 
Rick Perry. It's Kinky Friedman vs. apathy. If we get a big turnout, I 
win. Almost everybody agrees with that. The last thing Rick Perry wants 
to see is a big turnout. That's the last thing he wants to see. And 
that's a shame because our elected leaders ought to want to see 
democracy in action -- instead of the last turnout, which was 29.3 
percent. For governor! $100 million spent, 29 percent vote. It's sick. 
If we could get it up to 40 percent, I'm governor.

Proposing "No Teacher Left Behind": The idea behind that is that 
teachers are getting screwed in Texas and so are the retired people. 
Only a dumbass -- a real dumbass -- wouldn't understand the value of a 
real education. ... We're not even educating them. We're teaching them 
to test [on statewide standardized tests]. They won't know enough about 
the past, the future or the present. Teachers have got to be put back 
in charge. ... You've got to appoint the right people simply because 
they're the right people -- not because they're somebody's roommate. 
That's a big issue. That's all patronage and politics. Every governor 
does the same damn thing. They'll appoint their cronies. I'm telling 
you right now, the people who are appointed better damn well have seen 
the inside of a classroom. They better have teaching time and a 
teaching certificate. It's crazy to have some MBA come down here and 
tell people what to do about education.

The Texas Enterprise Fund: The governor set up an enterprise fund 
[financed with $390 million from the state's economic stabilization 
fund] designed to bring businesses to Texas. All of the surveys are 
showing that the big companies don't care about money because they know 
they are going to get a sweetheart deal anyway. If a giant company 
wants to open an office here, they're going to get great tax breaks. Or 
any place. The money doesn't lure them. What they check first is the 
educational rank of the state and then the technological rank of the 
state. When they check education, they don't even bother with 
technology because we're 50th! Dead last! So, that enterprise fund 
could be used for mental health and retardation or one of the other 
programs that this administration has gutted.

Wearing Waylon Jennings' Vest: Do you know about this vest right here? 
It's such a nice little connection there, of him saying, "Take it. It's 
yours." That's what we tell people about our campaign: "Take it. It's 
yours." Take it to heart, folks, and I think they have. It's a little 
early to say that. Anything's possible. That's the beauty of this and 
what makes this thing so interesting.

Biodiesel: The oil companies are ready for biodiesel. The adjustment 
from leaded to unleaded was much more complicated than going from gas 
to biodiesel. Everywhere you look, the studies are now showing that 30 
percent of the toxins that school kids absorb come from the school bus 
itself. Look, if that's even close to being true, what are we doing? 
Honest to God, what are we doing? We've got this stuff that if the 
governor worked with a guy like Willie Nelson, you could have co-ops 
all over the state, and the farmers would be working. The truckers and 
the diesel drivers would be able to get this stuff easily, which would 
create a whole new industry and a whole new model for America. We 
wouldn't be slaves to the Middle East. As I say, we would stop the 
Saudis from dancing to the jukebox and the rest of us dancing to the 
tune, which is exactly what's happening now. It's biodegradable. It's 
cheaper. Why wouldn't you?

Criminal Justice: Arlo Guthrie told me what his dad told him: "The more 
laws you make, the more criminals you're going to have." We've got more 
prisoners [in Texas] than the entire population of Vermont right now. 
We've got more prisoners than the population of Alaska. Most of them 
are nonviolent drug offenders, so some of these have got to be 
rehabbed. We've got to get our priorities straight so we can take the 
sex offenders and lock them up and throw away the key. We don't have 
room for them. Is that a good system? You've got a guy in for a couple 
of joints, and then you've got a sex offender that you don't have room 
for? Nonsense. Ridiculous. That's not common sense.

What He'll Do First: I'm looking forward to opening the Indian casinos 
because so many have been closed down, I think quite arbitrarily. Hell, 
there are only two of them. There are three in all, and two have been 
shut down. They'll be opened by executive order, just like that. ... 
I'll do it because of what the American Indian has given us in wartime 
and the patriotism on display. It's a great sacrifice. They deserve 
that. They don't deserve some twisted, misguided, moralistic, 
quasi-religious reason to shut down their casinos when we already have 
a lottery. Don't you understand? We're already gambling here. Don't 
shut it down saying the Lord doesn't want gambling. Texas already has 
it.

Sleeping: I don't sleep much. As I like to say, I'll sleep when I'm 
governor.