Kinky's Cure for the Hiccups
Igor Loving
lovingigor at hotmail.com
Tue Aug 30 22:02:52 EDT 2005
Charlie Loving
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From: <i>Harry Edwards <laughingwolf at ev1.net></i><br>Reply-To:
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by smtpout.ev1.net with ESMTP(SMTPD32-6.06) id A7F96C080080; Tue, 30 Aug
2005 19:21:13 -0500</i><br>>COMMENTARY: JOHN KELSO<br>>The Kinkster
knows how to cure your hiccups<br>><br><p>><< image_1804681.jpg >>
<p>><br>>John Kelso/AMERICAN-STATESMAN<br>>(enlarge
photo)<br>><br>>Kinky Friedman basks in his winnings. Well, he didn't
win anything <br>>but his own $120, which he had offered to Danita Horner
for a <br>>hiccup.<br>> <br>><br>><br>>Tuesday, August 30,
2005<br>><br>><br>>Writer Kinky Friedman is the first Texas
gubernatorial candidate to <br>>reveal a health care plan: ending hiccups
in the Lone Star State in <br>>our time. Like every other major problem,
all it takes is throwing <br>>money at it.<br>><br>>It was last
Tuesday around 11 in the morning when the Kinkster and I <br>>walked into
Conchita's Mexican Cafe in downtown Kerrville, about 100 <br>>miles
southwest of Austin.<br>><br>>Inside Conchita's, Danita Horner, the
17-year-old waitress, was <br>>battling a persistent case of the hiccups.
She had been struck with <br>>them shortly after getting out of bed about
four hours earlier.<br>><br>>"Basically right as soon as I got up
when I got in my car I got bad <br>>hiccups," said Danita, a
musician who between hiccups plays guitar <br>>and
sings.<br>><br>>Conchita's is a small place, so you could tell where
Danita was at <br>>any moment in the restaurant by listening to where the
hiccups were <br>>coming from. Hiccup — she's in the kitchen. Hiccup —
she's behind <br>>the counter. No, wait, here she comes, back into the
dining room.<br>><br>>After a couple of minutes of this, Kinky said in
a commanding voice, <br>>"Come over here. I've got a cure for those
hiccups."<br>><br>>Danita walked up to our table. Kinky pulled
his wallet out of his <br>>pants pocket. Then he took out six $20 bills,
and spread them on the <br>>table like a hand of
cards.<br>><br>>"One more hiccup, and it's all yours," Kinky
said. At this point I'm <br>>thinking the guy was a philanthropist about
to be out of a quick <br>>$120.<br>><br>>Danita stood there,
smiling and blinking, looking first at Kinky and <br>>then down at the
cash, while trying desperately to fire off just one <br>>more lousy
hiccup. And why not? One hiccup, $120 — that's a pretty <br>>good payday.
But she couldn't do it. Her hiccups were gone, and <br>>there would be no
payoff. All of the hiccups apparently had been <br>>shocked out of Danita
by the prospect of a wad of bills.<br>><br>>"It just kind of
overturned my hiccups instantly," Danita recalled. <br>>In
retrospect, Danita says, she had mixed emotions over her hiccups
<br>>disappearing. She was glad to be rid of them. But she wanted the
<br>>money, too.<br>><br>>"A little bit of both," she
said. "I tried as hard as I could, but <br>>it just couldn't come
out."<br>><br>>Kinky says he's used this method five or six times
and that it's <br>>worked every time. He remembers getting the idea from
an old <br>>Kerrville cowboy named Grady Tuck. Kinky points out that how
big an <br>>offer you have to make to run off the hiccups depends on the
<br>>financial status of the hiccup sufferer. You get a server in a small
<br>>Mexican food joint, and $120 covers the freight. But if you've got
<br>>some high roller hiccuping all over the place, maybe it takes the
<br>>keys to a Land Rover.<br>><br>>So what does this tell us about
Kinky? For one thing, it tells us <br>>that he had just been to the bank
in Kerrville to make a withdrawal. <br>>Otherwise he wouldn't have had
$120 in his wallet.<br>><br>>While in the bank, Kinky introduced me to
the teller as Ernest <br>>Hemingway. The next day the teller asked Kinky,
"Your friend Ernest <br>>Hemingway who came in here with you
yesterday. He's a writer, too, <br>>isn't
he?"<br>><br>>"Yes, he is," Kinky told her. So today in
Kerrville there's probably <br>>a bank teller walking around telling
everybody in town about how she <br>>met Ernest Hemingway last
week.<br>><br>>Another thing it tells us about Kinky is that he's got
$120 he can <br>>afford to lose. And it also tells us that he's a Texan
who's not <br>>afraid to take risks. Now I'm wondering if he has a cure
for the <br>>hives.<br><p></font></BLOCKQUOTE>
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