Bev Verltman forwarded these

[Michael Eisenstadt]

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational again asked readers to take any
word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one
letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's (2005) winners:
1.    Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the
subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
2.    Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until
you realize it was your money to start with.
3.    Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
4.    Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
getting laid.
5.    Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the
person who doesn't get it.
6.    Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
7.    Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these
really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like,
a serious bummer.
8.    Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
9.    Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
10.    Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you.
11.    Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
12.    Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after
you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
13.    Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
14.    Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in
the fruit you're eating.
15.    Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when
they come at you rapidly.
16.    Glibido: All talk and no action.
17.    Bozone (c): the substance surrounding stupid people that stops
bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows
little sign of breaking down in the future.

    And the grand winner:
18.    Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole