DSCN0012.JPG

Sun Nov 28 09:02:01 2004

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Well, I have found that if you marinate tofu in Mr. Wanker's BarBQ Sauce =
& All-Purpose Cajunette Seasoning overnight and then plop it on the =
grill it will make a satisfying repast for many living organisms. =20

Rev. B.
  ----- Original Message -----=20
  From: Clark Santos=20
  To: Cynthia McNamara ; Stephen Marshall ; David Santos ; Ken Marshall =
; Bevin Santos ; John McNamara ; austin-ghetto-list@pairlist.net ; Shawn =
Heilbron ; Peton Mullins ; Remembrances of Austin Ghetto=20
  Sent: Saturday, November 27, 2004 8:00 PM
  Subject: DSCN0012.JPG

  Gobble This=20
  What's the difference between a ticking meat bomb of death and tofu?

  By Dave Barry

  Sunday, November 21, 2004; Page W40=20

  Thanksgiving is that very special holiday when we take a break from =
our hectic everyday lives to spend quality time with our loved ones, =
rediscovering all the reasons why we don't actually live with them. But =
Thanksgiving is also a spiritual time of quiet reflection -- a time when =
we pause to remember, as generations have remembered before us, that an =
improperly cooked turkey is -- in the words of the U.S. Department of =
Agriculture -- "a ticking Meat Bomb of Death."

  Yes, it is a tragic but statistical fact that every Thanksgiving, =
undercooked turkeys claim the lives of an estimated 53 billion Americans =
(source: Dan Rather). Sometimes the cause is deadly bacteria; sometimes =
-- in cases of extreme undercooking -- the turkey actually springs up =
from the carving platter and pecks the would-be carver to death.

  The only way to be sure you've killed all the bacteria in your turkey =
is to cook it until a meat thermometer inserted into the breast melts, =
indicating that the turkey has attained the same internal temperature as =
the sun. "Basically," advises the surgeon general, "you want to be =
serving your family a 16-pound charcoal briquette."

  Even then you should keep a flamethrower handy. Speaking of which: The =
"hot" new Thanksgiving culinary trend is to cook turkeys in big deep-fat =
fryers, which are hugely popular because they give guys an excuse to =
spend Thanksgiving outside drinking beer and messing around with a =
device that could potentially destroy an entire neighborhood. Now that =
guys have decided to become seriously involved in Thanksgiving food =
preparation, it's only a matter of time before they come up with a =
recipe for mashed potatoes that involves a grenade launcher.

  Of course, not everybody is comfortable with the idea of eating =
turkeys, which are, let's face it, living organisms, like dogs, or =
celery. You may wonder: Is there a more humanitarian option that you can =
serve for Thanksgiving dinner? There certainly is: It's tofu, a =
semi-foodlike substance secreted by soybeans as a defense mechanism. =
Tofu can be used as a high-protein meat substitute, as well as a denture =
adhesive or tile grout. In its natural state, tofu is tasteless and =
odorless, but if you form it into a turkey-shaped lump, season it well, =
add gravy and bake it for two hours in a shallow pan at 350 degrees, you =
can also use it for minor driveway repairs.

  Of course, no Thanksgiving dinner is complete without the pumpkin pie. =
Here's a recipe for this delicious traditional dessert:

  1) Using a dangerous knife, cut the top off a large pumpkin.

  2) Inside you will find a mess of stringy, stanky, slimy pumpkin =
innards. Scoop these out, and discard them.

  3) Now, discard the rest of the pumpkin, because the simple truth, =
obvious to anybody with half a brain, is that no part of the pumpkin =
looks, smells or tastes anything like so-called "pumpkin" pie. This is =
why nobody actually makes "pumpkin" pie; everybody buys it at the =
supermarket. The question is: What does the supermarket put in there? =
Food and Drug Administration officials are investigating this, and, =
according to one informed source (Dan Rather), "they think it's tofu."

  But enough about food. Thanksgiving is not merely a time of eating =
until we are big, fat, bloated, carbohydrate balloons lying motionless =
on the sofa watching the Detroit Lions while actual gravy oozes from our =
pores. Thanksgiving is also a time of giving thanks -- as the Pilgrims =
did so many centuries ago -- for the fact that the malls are open on =
Friday. Otherwise we'd have to spend another day cooped up with our =
loved ones, not to mention toxic levels of leftovers, and the number of =
domestic drumstick assaults would be even higher than it is.

  But in all seriousness, I want to wish you a happy Thanksgiving. I =
personally am very thankful that I have readers like you who have =
terrific senses of humor and thus recognize that I am just "kidding =
around," especially if you are in the turkey, deep-fat fryer, tofu or =
pumpkin-pie industries. Also, even though I have "poked some fun" at Mr. =
Dan Rather, I sincerely believe he is a great journalist and a credit to =
his home planet.

  In closing, let's have a big group hug and join together in singing =
this traditional Thanksgiving song that we vaguely remember from =
childhood:

  "Over the river and through the woods,

  To grandmother's house we go!=20

  The horse is reluctant,=20

  And we can relate,=20

  Because grandmother's house has that weird smell."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------=
-----

-------------------------------------------------------------------------=
-----

  El patron at daughters House, sin tofu=20

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<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>Well, I have found that if you marinate =
tofu in Mr.=20
Wanker's BarBQ Sauce &amp; All-Purpose Cajunette Seasoning overnight and =
then=20
plop it on the grill it will make a satisfying repast for many living=20
organisms.&nbsp; </FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>Rev. B.</FONT></DIV>
<BLOCKQUOTE=20
style=3D"PADDING-RIGHT: 0px; PADDING-LEFT: 5px; MARGIN-LEFT: 5px; =
BORDER-LEFT: #000000 2px solid; MARGIN-RIGHT: 0px">
  <DIV style=3D"FONT: 10pt arial">----- Original Message ----- </DIV>
  <DIV=20
  style=3D"BACKGROUND: #e4e4e4; FONT: 10pt arial; font-color: =
black"><B>From:</B>=20
  <A title=3Dclarksantos@earthlink.net=20
  href=3D"mailto:clarksantos@earthlink.net">Clark Santos</A> </DIV>
  <DIV style=3D"FONT: 10pt arial"><B>To:</B> <A =
title=3Dcynthia.mcnamara@hccs.edu=20
  href=3D"mailto:cynthia.mcnamara@hccs.edu">Cynthia McNamara</A> ; <A=20
  title=3Dstephenm@ev1.net href=3D"mailto:stephenm@ev1.net">Stephen =
Marshall</A> ;=20
  <A title=3Ddsantos@ev1.net href=3D"mailto:dsantos@ev1.net">David =
Santos</A> ; <A=20
  title=3Dkenmarshall@earthlink.net =
href=3D"mailto:kenmarshall@earthlink.net">Ken=20
  Marshall</A> ; <A title=3Dbevin_santos@yahoo.com=20
  href=3D"mailto:bevin_santos@yahoo.com">Bevin Santos</A> ; <A=20
  title=3Djmcnamara@uh.edu href=3D"mailto:jmcnamara@uh.edu">John =
McNamara</A> ; <A=20
  title=3Daustin-ghetto-list@pairlist.net=20
  =
href=3D"mailto:austin-ghetto-list@pairlist.net">austin-ghetto-list@pairli=
st.net</A>=20
  ; <A title=3Dheilbron@mail.smu.edu =
href=3D"mailto:heilbron@mail.smu.edu">Shawn=20
  Heilbron</A> ; <A title=3Dmullins@tyler.net=20
  href=3D"mailto:mullins@tyler.net">Peton Mullins</A> ; <A=20
  title=3DGHETTO2@LISTS.WHATHELPS.COM=20
  href=3D"mailto:GHETTO2@LISTS.WHATHELPS.COM">Remembrances of Austin =
Ghetto</A>=20
  </DIV>
  <DIV style=3D"FONT: 10pt arial"><B>Sent:</B> Saturday, November 27, =
2004 8:00=20
  PM</DIV>
  <DIV style=3D"FONT: 10pt arial"><B>Subject:</B> DSCN0012.JPG</DIV>
  <DIV><BR></DIV><B>Gobble =
This<?/bigger><?/bigger><?/bigger><?/bigger><?/bigger><?/bigger></B>=20
  <BR>What's the difference between a ticking meat bomb of death and=20
  tofu?<BR><BR><BR><?fontfamily><?param =
Arial><?smaller><?x-tad-smaller>By Dave=20
  =
Barry<?/x-tad-smaller><?/smaller><?/fontfamily><BR><BR><?fontfamily><?par=
am Arial><?smaller><?x-tad-smaller>Sunday,=20
  November 21, 2004; Page W40 =
<?/x-tad-smaller><?/smaller><?/fontfamily><BR><BR><?fontfamily><?param =
Arial><?smaller><?x-tad-smaller>Thanksgiving=20
  is that very special holiday when we take a break from our hectic =
everyday=20
  lives to spend quality time with our loved ones, rediscovering all the =
reasons=20
  why we don't actually live with them. But Thanksgiving is also a =
spiritual=20
  time of quiet reflection -- a time when we pause to remember, as =
generations=20
  have remembered before us, that an improperly cooked turkey is -- in =
the words=20
  of the U.S. Department of Agriculture -- "a ticking Meat Bomb of =
Death."<?/x-tad-smaller><?/smaller><?/fontfamily><BR><BR><?fontfamily><?p=
aram Arial><?smaller><?x-tad-smaller>Yes,=20
  it is a tragic but statistical fact that every Thanksgiving, =
undercooked=20
  turkeys claim the lives of an estimated 53 billion Americans (source: =
Dan=20
  Rather). Sometimes the cause is deadly bacteria; sometimes -- in cases =
of=20
  extreme undercooking -- the turkey actually springs up from the =
carving=20
  platter and pecks the would-be carver to =
death.<?/x-tad-smaller><?/smaller><?/fontfamily><BR><BR><?fontfamily><?pa=
ram Arial><?smaller><?x-tad-smaller>The=20
  only way to be sure you've killed all the bacteria in your turkey is =
to cook=20
  it until a meat thermometer inserted into the breast melts, indicating =
that=20
  the turkey has attained the same internal temperature as the sun. =
"Basically,"=20
  advises the surgeon general, "you want to be serving your family a =
16-pound=20
  charcoal =
briquette."<?/x-tad-smaller><?/smaller><?/fontfamily><BR><BR><?fontfamily=
><?param Arial><?smaller><?x-tad-smaller>Even=20
  then you should keep a flamethrower handy. Speaking of which: The =
"hot" new=20
  Thanksgiving culinary trend is to cook turkeys in big deep-fat fryers, =
which=20
  are hugely popular because they give guys an excuse to spend =
Thanksgiving=20
  outside drinking beer and messing around with a device that could =
potentially=20
  destroy an entire neighborhood. Now that guys have decided to become =
seriously=20
  involved in Thanksgiving food preparation, it's only a matter of time =
before=20
  they come up with a recipe for mashed potatoes that involves a grenade =

=
launcher.<?/x-tad-smaller><?/smaller><?/fontfamily> <?fontfamily><=
?param Arial><?smaller><?x-tad-smaller>Of=20
 course, not everybody is comfortable with the idea of eating turkeys, =
which=20
 are, let's face it, living organisms, like dogs, or celery. You may =
wonder: Is=20
 there a more humanitarian option that you can serve for Thanksgiving =
dinner?=20
 There certainly is: It's tofu, a semi-foodlike substance secreted by =
soybeans=20
 as a defense mechanism. Tofu can be used as a high-protein meat =
substitute, as=20
 well as a denture adhesive or tile grout. In its natural state, tofu =
is=20
 tasteless and odorless, but if you form it into a turkey-shaped lump, =
season=20
 it well, add gravy and bake it for two hours in a shallow pan at 350 =
degrees,=20
 you can also use it for minor driveway =
repairs.<?/x-tad-smaller><?/smaller><?/fontfamily> <?fontfamily><?=
param Arial><?smaller><?x-tad-smaller>Of=20
 course, no Thanksgiving dinner is complete without the pumpkin pie. =
Here's a=20
 recipe for this delicious traditional =
dessert:<?/x-tad-smaller><?/smaller><?/fontfamily> <?fontfamily><?=
param Arial><?smaller><?x-tad-smaller>1)=20
 Using a dangerous knife, cut the top off a large =
pumpkin.<?/x-tad-smaller><?/smaller><?/fontfamily> <?fontfamily><?=
param Arial><?smaller><?x-tad-smaller>2)=20
 Inside you will find a mess of stringy, stanky, slimy pumpkin innards. =
Scoop=20
 these out, and discard =
them.<?/x-tad-smaller><?/smaller><?/fontfamily> <?fontfamily><?par=
am Arial><?smaller><?x-tad-smaller>3)=20
 Now, discard the rest of the pumpkin, because the simple truth, =
obvious to=20
 anybody with half a brain, is that =
<?/x-tad-smaller><?x-tad-smaller>no part=20
<?/x-tad-smaller><?x-tad-smaller>of the pumpkin looks, smells or =
tastes =
<?/x-tad-smaller><?x-tad-smaller>anything<?/x-tad-smaller><?x-tad-=
smaller>=20
 like so-called "pumpkin" pie. This is why nobody actually makes =
"pumpkin" pie;=20
 everybody buys it at the supermarket. The question is: What does the=20
 supermarket put in there? Food and Drug Administration officials are=20
 investigating this, and, according to one informed source (Dan =
Rather), "they=20
 think it's =
tofu."<?/x-tad-smaller><?/smaller><?/fontfamily> <?fontfamily><?pa=
ram Arial><?smaller><?x-tad-smaller>But=20
 enough about food. Thanksgiving is not merely a time of eating until =
we are=20
 big, fat, bloated, carbohydrate balloons lying motionless on the sofa =
watching=20
 the Detroit Lions while actual gravy oozes from our pores. =
Thanksgiving is=20
 also a time of giving thanks -- as the Pilgrims did so many centuries =
ago --=20
 for the fact that the malls are open on Friday. Otherwise we'd have to =
spend=20
 another day cooped up with our loved ones, not to mention toxic levels =
of=20
 leftovers, and the number of domestic drumstick assaults would be even =
higher=20
 than it =
is.<?/x-tad-smaller><?/smaller><?/fontfamily> <?fontfamily><?param=
 Arial><?smaller><?x-tad-smaller>But=20
 in all seriousness, I want to wish you a happy Thanksgiving. I =
personally am=20
 very thankful that I have readers like you who have terrific senses of =
humor=20
 and thus recognize that I am just "kidding around," especially if you =
are in=20
 the turkey, deep-fat fryer, tofu or pumpkin-pie industries. Also, even =
though=20
 I have "poked some fun" at Mr. Dan Rather, I sincerely believe he is a =
great=20
 journalist and a credit to his home =
planet.<?/x-tad-smaller><?/smaller><?/fontfamily> <?fontfamily><?p=
aram Arial><?smaller><?x-tad-smaller>In=20
 closing, let's have a big group hug and join together in singing this=20
 traditional Thanksgiving song that we vaguely remember from =
childhood:<?/x-tad-smaller><?/smaller><?/fontfamily> <?fontfami=
ly><?param Arial><?smaller><?x-tad-smaller>"Over=20
 the river and through the=20
 =
woods,<?/x-tad-smaller><?/smaller><?/fontfamily> <?fontfami=
ly><?param Arial><?smaller><?x-tad-smaller>To=20
 grandmother's house we =
go!<?/x-tad-smaller><?/smaller><?/fontfamily><?fontfamily><?param =
Arial><?smaller><?x-tad-smaller>=20
<?/x-tad-smaller><?/smaller><?/fontfamily> <?fontfamily><?param=
 Arial><?smaller><?x-tad-smaller>The=20
 horse is =
reluctant,<?/x-tad-smaller><?/smaller><?/fontfamily><?fontfamily><?pa=
ram Arial><?smaller><?x-tad-smaller>=20
<?/x-tad-smaller><?/smaller><?/fontfamily> <?fontfamily><?param=
 Arial><?smaller><?x-tad-smaller>And=20
 we can =
relate,<?/x-tad-smaller><?/smaller><?/fontfamily><?fontfamily><?param=
 Arial><?smaller><?x-tad-smaller>=20
<?/x-tad-smaller><?/smaller><?/fontfamily> <?fontfamily><?param=
 Arial><?smaller><?x-tad-smaller>Because=20
 grandmother's house has that weird =
smell."<?/x-tad-smaller><?/smaller><?/fontfamily> 
 
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  <P></P><BR>El patron at daughters House, sin tofu=20
<BR><BR><BR></BLOCKQUOTE></BODY></HTML>

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