this just in

Wed Jun 30 13:29:12 2004

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Updated June 28, 2004

INSPIRED BY IRAQI HANDOVER, BUSH HOLDS U.S. ELECTION FOUR MONTHS EARLY

Element of Surprise Cited As Bush Romps to Victory

Inspired by the early handover of sovereignty in Iraq, President=20
George W. Bush employed the element of surprise once more last night,
holding the U.S. presidential election four months early.

The election, about which only top Bush administration officials were
notified, went exceedingly well for the president, who carried all
fifty
states and garnered approximately one hundred percent of the vote.

Mr. Bush's victory speech, which he had originally scheduled for=20
eleven P.M. last night, was at the last minute rescheduled to nine
P.M., once again capitalizing on the element of surprise.

In his speech, Mr. Bush admitted that he might have had a more=20
difficult time getting reelected if the American people had actually
been notified about the time and date of the voting, but added, "A
win's a win, right?"

Mr. Bush's second inauguration is slated to take place on January 20,
2005, but administration officials acknowledged that it could happen=20
"at any time."

"For all I know it has already happened," one aide said.

While the stealth presidential election seems to have cemented the=20
Bush administration's reputation for secrecy, one aide said that some=20
secrets were harder to keep than others: "For example, everyone knows
how Paul Wolfowitz gets his hair to look so great."

White House officials praised the performance of the controversial=20
new Diebold electronic voting machines, which successfully tabulated
final results from Florida before a single vote was cast.

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<DIV>Updated June 28, 2004 INSPIRED =
BY IRAQI=20
HANDOVER, BUSH HOLDS U.S. ELECTION FOUR MONTHS EARLY Element =
of=20
Surprise Cited As Bush Romps to Victory Inspired by the early =

handover of sovereignty in Iraq, President George W. Bush employed =
the=20
element of surprise once more last night, holding the U.S. =
presidential=20
election four months early. The election, about which only top =
Bush=20
administration officials were notified, went exceedingly well for the =

president, who carried all fifty states and garnered approximately =
one=20
hundred percent of the vote. Mr. Bush's victory speech, which he =
had=20
originally scheduled for eleven P.M. last night, was at the last =
minute=20
rescheduled to nine P.M., once again capitalizing on the element of=20
surprise. In his speech, Mr. Bush admitted that he might have had =
a more=20
 difficult time getting reelected if the American people had =
actually been=20
notified about the time and date of the voting, but added, "A win's a =
win,=20
right?" Mr. Bush's second inauguration is slated to take place on =
January=20
20, 2005, but administration officials acknowledged that it could =
happen=20
 "at any time." "For all I know it has already happened," one =
aide=20
said. While the stealth presidential election seems to have =
cemented the=20
 Bush administration's reputation for secrecy, one aide said that =
some=20
 secrets were harder to keep than others: "For example, everyone =
knows how=20
Paul Wolfowitz gets his hair to look so great." White House =
officials=20
praised the performance of the controversial new Diebold electronic =
voting=20
machines, which successfully tabulated final results from Florida =
before a=20
single vote was cast. </DIV></BODY></HTML>

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