Dear Dr. Laura - biblical advice

[Pepi Plowman]

I laughed my ass off--what there was of it.
pep
--- Byron Black <blacky@cbn.net.id> wrote:
> [Anybody miss this when it first circulated? Very on
> the nose. BB]
> 
> Dear Dr. Laura,
> 
> 
> 
> Thank you for doing so much to educate people
> regarding God's Law.  I have
> 
> learned a great deal from your show, and I try to
> share that knowledge with
> 
> as many people as I can.  When someone tries to
> defend the homosexual
> 
> lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him that
> Leviticus 18:22 clearly
> 
> states it to be an abomination.  End of debate.
> 
> 
> 
> I do need some advice from you, however, regarding
> some of the specific
> 
> biblical laws and how to best follow them. 
> Specifically:
> 
> 
> 
> a)  When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice,
> I know it creates a
> pleasing odour for the Lord (Lev. 1:9).  The problem
> is my neighbours. They
> claim the odour is not pleasing to them.  Should I
> smite them?
> 
> 
> 
> b)  I would like to sell my daughter into slavery,
> as sanctioned in Exodus
> 21:7.  In this day and age, what do you think would
> be a fair price for her?
> 
> 
> 
> c)  I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman
> while she is in her
> period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). 
> The problem is, how do I
> tell?  I have tried asking, but most women take
> offense.
> 
> 
> 
> d)  Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess
> slaves, both male and
> female, provided they are purchased from
> neighbouring nations. A friend of
> mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not
> Canadians. Can you
> clarify?  Why can't I own Canadians?
> 
> 
> 
> e) I have a neighbour who insists on working on the
> Sabbath. Exodus
> 35:2clearly states he should be put to death.  Am I
> morally obligated to
> kill him myself?
> 
> 
> 
> f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating
> shellfish is an
> Abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination
> than homosexuality. I
> don't agree.  Can you settle this?
> 
> 
> 
> g) Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the
> altar of God if I have a
> defect in my sight.  I have to admit that I wear
> reading glasses. Does my
> vision have to be 20/20, or is there some
> flexibility here?
> 
> 
> 
> h)  Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed,
> including the hair
> around their temples, even though this is expressly
> forbidden by Lev.19:27.
> How should they die?
> 
> 
> 
> i)  I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin
> of a dead pig makes me
> unclean, but may I still play football if I wear
> gloves?
> 
> 
> 
> j)  My uncle has a farm.  He violates Lev. 19:19 by
> planting two different
> crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing
> garments made of two
> different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend).
> He also tends to curse
> and blaspheme a lot.  Is it really necessary that we
> go to all the trouble
> of getting the whole town together to stone them?
> (Lev. 24:10-16) Couldn't
> we just burn them to death at a private family
> affair like we do with people
> who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev.20:14).
> 
> 
> 
> I know you have studied these things extensively, so
> I am confident you can
> 
> help.
> 
> 
> 
> Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is
> eternal and unchanging.
> 
> 
> 
> Your devoted disciple and adoring fan.
> 
> 
> 
> Anita Heiss
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 


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